


When We Were Young

by callmecaramleh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Kagehina Exchange, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5491394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmecaramleh/pseuds/callmecaramleh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after Hinata and Kageyama graduated, they are reunited as part of a practice match against the new Karasuno High.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do my kagehina exchange fic for nanowrimo! this was the result. it's a bit more angsty than I originally intended, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. So a gift for #18!

To say that Hinata was lost in his life would be a bit of an understatement. He was twenty-seven years old, single, still working in food service, and living in an apartment with his little sister. He and Natsu lived near the university that she was attending—the same one that Hinata went to back when he was in school, though she probably had an actual chance at graduating. After getting turned down at all the big volleyball schools, he was kind of hopeless. That university was merely his last attempt, since they at least had a club volleyball team. It was still fun; though perhaps that was the problem since he spent all his time trying to make his team bigger, better, and eventually ended up with hardly passable grades in his classes. Academia had never been Hinata’s strong point. 

The worst part of the day for Hinata was his bike home from work. The distance wasn’t too far, maybe 20 minutes, but that was long enough to let Hinata’s mind wander. He would bike home—his pale pink uniform polo tucked into rolled dark wash jeans, exposing some sort of polka-dot or plaid socks—trying to focus on the music he was listening to or the color of the sky. Otherwise his thoughts would turn into a dark wall of _you won’t ever play volleyball again, you won’t step onto the court, you weren’t any good anyway, just a decoy, just a hand to spike an impossible toss. You aren’t anything without Kagey—_

As soon as his mind would wander to Kageyama he would be done for. It was almost better back when he could be jealous, angry, happy, and proud of his best friend and arch rival. Kageyama may have gone off to a nice volleyball school, but he still never reached past the university level. Hinata had never heard why, but it often disheartened him even more. _If Kageyama can’t even play professionally, why did I think I stood a chance?_

He could keep it out of his mind most of the time, instead focusing on smiling for his co-workers at the ramen shop or teasing Natsu about how heavy her book bag was. It was only on that lonely bike ride that the depression hit him hard, like a volleyball spiked to the face.

And sometimes it wasn’t even volleyball that he missed, but the team. It was amazing how two skype calls a week could so easily turn to one, and then to once a month, to a text out of the blue when you’re lying in your dorm room feeling home sick. It was even harder for him and Kageyama, since Hinata couldn’t help but be jealous, and Kageyama knew he was and tried not to rub it in his face. Every time that Kageyama accidentally let a _“Well I’ve got to get going to practice”_ slip, he would freeze up. They would never talk about it, but it was clear from Hinata’s silence and strained smile that it hurt a little just to hear it. 

In actuality, Hinata stayed in contact with Yachi much longer than anyone else. While they weren’t as close now as they used to be, it wasn’t rare for her to take the train to have lunch with him, or for them to spontaneously text each other if something reminded them of each other. Their conversation always easily fell back into normalcy. 

“I brought home leftovers,” Hinata said, stepping into his shared apartment, slipping out of his shoes. It was a cramped space, kitchen tucked at the back of the living room, a door on either side leading to one of their bedroom’s, and a bathroom cluttered with Natsu’s makeup and Shouyo’s half-used sticks of deodorant coming off of the kitchen. 

“Already ate,” called Natsu from her room, “Have to work on a group project, Ran is picking me up in fiveish minutes.”

“All right,” Hinata replied, sticking the leftover ramen in the microwave. Being alone when Natsu had to leave wasn’t as bad as when he rode his bike. At home there was at least a TV to distract him. 

He curled himself up onto their secondhand navy couches, ramen balancing on the lumpy armrest. Clenching his chopsticks between his teeth, fiddled with the remote until he finally settled on some historical action movie, complete with samurais and the sort of damsel in distress that Natsu would have complained about. 

Hinata had a bad habit of dosing off during movies, often waking up at the climax, unsure when he should rewind back to or if it was even still worth it. (He especially seemed to fall asleep during the action sequences, which he claimed he loved despite the fact that they put him to sleep. The romance scenes, however, always managed to keep him on the edge of his seat.) This time, however, he woke up to the bright light of his phone, blinding in the dim, one window apartment. He yawned, sitting up carefully so as to not knock the bowl of ramen broth over. Two—bzz—no three texts illuminated his screen.

From Natsu:  
 _Staying the night at Ran’s. Don’t eat my ice cream._

A typical text for Natsu. He hated when she would come home after dark, and almost always preferred her to stay with a friend rather than risking public transportation at night. He texted back a thumbs up emoji before moving to the next text.

From Yachi:  
 _Can’t wait to see you in two weeks. :^)_

Two weeks? Did they have plans? Or was this Yachi’s attempt at making plans? He was free then—he was always free—but Yachi had never been one to assume that before. ( _“What do you mean you can hang out with me next week? Shouldn’t you have a date? I was hoping you’d ask out that cute girl that you work with.”_ ) _See you then?_ Hinata typed back, unsure of the plans but always sure of his desire to hang out with his dear Yachi.

From 8127-621-9829  
 _Hey Hinata, its Yamgauchi! I stole your number from Yachi, I hope that’s all right……… Anyway, I was wondering if youd be interested in a little reunion game! I’ve got some high schoolers that could really use a match against some veterans. It’d be in two weeks. Hope you can make it! <3 Yama_

Oh. That… Was news. Yachi had mentioned before that Yamaguchi was coaching back at Karasuno (and quickly changed the subject when she noticed how Hinata tensed at the mention) but he had never thought that he himself could make it back to that gym one day. It scared him and excited him all at once. He certainly wasn’t in any shape to play like he had in high school—old and unpracticed as he was—yet the idea of walking back onto that court still seemed to set a fire in his stomach. His eyes fell on his hands, little dots of red where broth had burned skinned, before typing back his response.

_I’m in!!! I’ll make sure to call off work._

He couldn’t sleep well that night, instead choosing to binge on old taped volleyball matches while trying to recondition his body. There was no amount of squats or pushups that would get him back to his third year, but there was also no way that he would go back to Karasuno without some training. Some muscles remained, mainly from lifting boxes at the shop and riding his bike to work, but he hadn’t done any speed training in a while. He’d have to go for a run in the morning, or maybe one every morning and every night, and oh he should make a playlist to get him pumped and what about Love Hime? Would that be the right style of music for this work out playlist?

When Natsu got back the next morning, Hinata was passed out on the couch, laptop precariously positioned on the coffee table, still blasting the Glee cover of Teenage Dream. She sighed to herself, checking Hinata’s work schedule on the refrigerator before deciding to just let him sleep.

***

Hinata lurched awake after having a dream about falling. He could still feel the fear of it in his knees, despite the sturdy couch beneath him. It was light in the living room, Natasu’s distant hum coming from the kitchen, the smell of rice and overly seasoned eggs filling Hinata’s nose. 

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice groggy as he sat up and stretched.

“Noonish.”

“What? Noon!? Why didn’t you wake me!? I was going to go for a run and now it’s too late. There will be people outside. You can’t run when there are people outside, that’s just weird. Oh my gosh I didn’t even finish making my playlist—how am I supposed to run without music Natsu?”

“Well you have to eat before you run anyway,” Natsu replied, setting two plates of egg nigari down at their fold-up table.

“Yeah but—“

“Eat,” she demanded, not turning away from him until he was seated, chopsticks in hand, “What’s all this about running for anyway?”

“Oh… I think I’m going to play…to play volleyball in a couple of weeks.” The word rolled off his tongue as if it were foreign, or like a kid’s first swear word. Almost whispered, barely able to escape the vocal chords. He could see the way Natsu stiffened, even if she tried to hide it. It had been taboo around him for a while, the word itself being able to send him into a downward spiral, leaving him so downtrodden that he could only be resuscitated with copious amounts of hot chocolate and pseudo-documentaries about chupacabras.

“That’s nice,” Natsu replied, her voice steady, careful, “Who are you playing with?”

“Oh well you remember Yamaguchi?”

“The one with the freckles and the megane boy toy?”

“Uh… yeah I guess. Well anyway, he’s trying to get a veteran team together to play some high schoolers. He coaches for Karasuno now… I think. I don’t really know too much about it. Yachi only mentioned it the one time…”

“Is everyone going to be there then?”

Hinata wasn’t an idiot. He could tell by the restrain in her voice that she didn’t really care if Nishinoya or Ennoshita were going to be playing volleyball with him again. _Is Kageyama going to be there?_

Natsu knew as well as anyone the bond that Hinata had built with his setter. Maybe she couldn’t remember all of it—she was so young at the time—but she knew how much Hinata used to complain about Kageyama, and how much he idolized him as well.

 

The first time Kageyama had visited their house had been something of a disaster. They were meant to be studying, as that had been the false pretense that made Hinata invite Kageyama over. He didn’t know how you were supposed to just invite someone over for the first time, so he settled on the safe reason, knowing perfectly well that neither he nor Kageyama were great studiers.

Instead they found themselves flailing about on the sofa, shouting at Super Mario Brothers and each other. The competition was too much for them, as it so often was, and after one too many wins for Kageyama, the word “King” was thrown about, and Kageyama was out the door.

Natsu could picture the look Hinata had had that night, his face looking as if it had been sewn down, dejection all over it. He had been more careful after that first attempt at friendship, but it was clear to Natsu that their friendship wasn’t as natural as their spike. It was something they had to work at, water, feed, and something that had so quickly dried up with their lack of contact. A great oak in the desert. 

 

“I don’t know, he didn’t say who all was coming. I’m sure a lot of them will be busy… I’m just excited about playing with anyone anyway! And Yachi said she’ll be there, so that should be fun.”

“Oh that’s good,” Natsu said, finally smiling properly. She worried about Hinata, but knew that if anyone could keep him in his usual cheery state, it was Yachi. His relationship with Yachi was the polar opposite of his with Kageyama. There wasn’t any tension, no sense of dependence, just two people that genuinely liked being around each other. Plus Yachi used to babysit Natsu sometimes, and even after all these years she couldn’t forget how grateful she was when Yachi would bake cookies with her or bring make up for her to experiment with. 

“Yeah! I’m really excited about it… Can you imagine? Stepping up onto that court again. My hands red from spiking the ball. And then, gwahh, the view from the top! Oh it’s going to be so good Natsu.”

“It’s nice to see you so excited.”

“Well it’s nice to have something to be so excited about!”

***

Run. Shower. Work. Zumba. Run. 

That was how his weeks went by, filled with the familiar tingle of sweat on his neck and new laughter as he tried to run through Natsu’s Zumba routines with her. The best one was to Hyuna’s Bubble Pop. He was obsessed.

It felt like middle school again. He could see volleyball in the future; he knew he’d get his chance on the court eventually, but it felt so distance. He had no way to really practice. It was confining, a wall he couldn’t break through. 

From Yamaguchi:  
 _We’re still on for Friday, right? The kids are really looking forward to it! Plus our team really wouldn’t stand a chance without our best decoy!_

He got the text on his way to grab some water from the fridge, Natsu going on with the next routine as he tried to catch his breath. Hinata had never thought that some simple dancing could make him so tired, and yet here he was, running his head under the sink to try and cool himself down. It was paying off though, his calves already looking a bit more defined, and it was probably the best way to practice jumping without looking like a complete weirdo.

To Yamaguchi  
 _Of course! Can’t wait to show these babies how it’s done! Though I’m not sure I’ll be quite the great decoy I was in high school… I’ll try my best though!_

Just a couple more days until the weekend. A couple more days until he got to step into the court, face a real team, face the wall.

A couple more days until he might have to face Kageyama. He hadn’t asked Yamaguchi who all was going since he was so afraid of the anxiety that that knowledge could cause him. If he knew that Kageyama was going, would he really be able to pull himself out of bed? Travel back to Karasuno? Tie his shoes or hold his lunch in his stomach?  
The last time they had talked had been, what? Five years ago? It hadn’t even been a conversation, just a couple texts. A _Its been a long time since we’ve talked_ and a _Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy with work_ and not much more. Although, at the time Kageyama was still on track to be an Olympian, and Hinata was just a college drop out. Things were different now.

***

The bus back to Karasuno wasn’t so bad. It was maybe 45 minutes and was fairly empty, giving Hinata a much needed window seat. He had come home at least once a year for New Years. The first year or two back he even tried to meet up with his old friends, and would try to sneak in to a volleyball practice to say hi to his old teammates and see their progress. 

 

Three years ago though, he had been pulled along to the festival. The lanterns lit up the street, illuminating venders, kimonos, and orange hair. Natsu bounced along from table to table, chatting with all her school friends, leaving Shouyo to awkwardly linger behind her.

Until, of course, he heard a very distinct “Hinata!” coming from behind him. Turning, he saw silver hair and mole bounding toward him, wrapped in navy and pale grey fabric. 

“Suga!” Hinata said, letting his smile take over his face.

“It’s so good to see you,” Suga replied, unable to stop his hand from ruffling Hinata’s locks, “How have you been?”

“Oh, um, all right. I’m a manager at work now so I got a raise and everything and um, well, yeah. What about you?” Hinata asked quickly, happy to talk about something more interesting than his menial life.

“I’ve been great. Me and Daichi just got a new place in Tokyo. It’s lovely, two bedrooms and big windows and it’s all open concept. Daichi is even letting me get some plants, god help them though,” Suga said, his grin brighter than the lantern over his head. It was amazing, how close Suga and Daichi still were. They hadn’t even gone to the same college and yet they still managed to stay as close as ever. They were some sort of miracle.

“That’s brilliant,” he answered, “I’m sure your parents are glad to have you back for the holidays though.”

“Oh of course. I mostly came home for, uh, well personal business stuff, but it’s really nice to get a chance to see them while I’m here.”  
He heard so much about Suga’s fantastic life that night, and he tried his best to be happy for him. It was easier than it was with Kageyama. While Suga had all these great things going for him—a real job, a best friend who wasn’t his sister, a nice place to live—they weren’t quite the things that Hinata wanted. Suga had achieved what was best for Suga, and for that Hinata could be joyful.

 

Hinata was excited, the nervous kind, where his jitters came out in the tips of his hair and the ends of his finger nails. The hills weren’t welcoming him in the snowy air of the holidays, but rather the windy heat of late summer. He had almost forgot what his home could look like without the snowmen and mugs of hot chocolate. 

His parents were glad to see him, as always, his mother enveloping him in a long hug as soon as he stepped off the bus, much to the annoyance of the person behind him. 

“I’ve missed you so much Shouyo,” she said into his hair.

“I’ve missed you too Mom,” he said, smiling as he gently pat her back.

They took a taxi back to his childhood home. It looked the same as it did every year, and the same as it had when he was in school. Perhaps the only difference was the volleyball posters that had been removed without fuss by his parents after his post-playing depression set in. They never mentioned it, but he was thankful for that. He couldn’t imagine what he would do if he had to stay in a room, his dreams tacked to the walls, mocking him for his failure.

“So how long are you staying for again?” his dad asked as he pulled Shouyo’s bag inside (He had insisted that he would take it, though Hinata was perfectly capable of carrying the thing himself.)

“Just the weekend,” he answered.

“And… you’re visiting the high school, right?” his mom asked, careful not to use the “V” word.

“Yeah. Yamaguchi is coaching now I think, and he asked that some of us come back and play his kids. It’ll be fun,” he said, almost to convince himself. He had been so excited, but now that he was here he felt more anxiety than anything else.

The night before the match was spent tossing and turning, clutching his old raven plush and trying to forget the fact that he had toes since he had become hyperaware of how they pressed together. It was too warm, too cold, his legs felt weird stuck against each other, his hair felt too long and his arm fell asleep before he could. The later it got, the more freaked out Hinata became, afraid that he’d be too tired to play in the match the next day. 

Sometime around 3:00am he managed to get to sleep with a blank mind. In the morning he stumbled into the kitchen, amazed at how delicious a decent breakfast could be. He and Natsu only ever grabbed granola bars on their way out the door, and that was on their better days. His mom, however, was insistent that he was far too skinny, and Hinata was happy to oblige her by scarfing down anything she put in front of him.

“’Fanks maam,” he said, his mouth full of rice and chicken.

“Oh it’s my pleasure sweetie. You’ll need all your energy for your match today,” she replied, beaming, “It seems like just yesterday I was saying those words as you’d head off to your high school matches. Things have changed so much since then, and yet it’s like nothing has changed at all. We’re just a little older is all.”

“Yeah,” Shouyo agreed, not quite believing it. He couldn’t even always remember what it felt like to be in high school, the whole world before him, the tournaments his for the taking and the possibilities near endless. Sure, he knew that he couldn’t have been a neuroscientist or an engineer, but he could do something other than work in the food industry, or, at least, that’s what he had thought. He couldn’t remember what it was like to wake up before the sun in order to bike to volleyball practice, and to get the opportunity to rush back there to play again as soon as classes ended.

He couldn’t remember what it felt like to huddle together, his arms slung over the shoulders of his teammates, listening to Daichi, or Ennoshita, or Yamaguchi tell them how strong they were—how unstoppable they were. He knew that it happened, that he had been there, that he had been invincible, but he couldn’t recreate the feeling. Everything only ever felt lukewarm.

***

The mountains still looked the same as they had in high school, plush green trees casting a deep shade across the blacktop. The sun was just beginning its sink westward while he pedaled, the sweet voice of Hyuna driving him to go ever faster. It was hot, but the wind broke around his face, leveling out the fire on his skin. He liked the sensations of it, the hot and the cold and the loud music and turning pedals. The stimulation helped him forget his nerves.

Before he knew it, he was there, standing looking at the great metal door. He had once been able to fly through it, even before he had made it on the team. When he entered that first time, he hadn’t expected to see Tobio Kageyama, yet there he had been, filling Hinata with a mixture of frustration and rage. And, eventually it was that door that eventually brought Kageyama and Hinata together. Their inability to enter their sanctuary formed a bond that would help them breach that door.

Now he didn’t know what to do. Would Kageyama be on the other side? He wasn’t there beside him, shoving him, trying to make it in first. No—Hinata would have to enter on his own again, and he wouldn’t know what was waiting for him. 

He took a deep breath, pushing the doors open. There it was, his court, same as always. The lights still shown obnoxiously bright, save one on the left that must have been knocked a bit too hard with a rogue volleyball. The floor was shiny among the sidelines, scuffed up on the court. A gaggle of teenagers stood in the corner, stretching in their white t-shirts and dark warm up shorts. They were loud, or, at least, maybe two or three of them were, as the others stared, amused at their antics.

“Hinata!” Yamaguchi said, jogging towards him. He looked well, maybe a bit chubbier than he was in high school, but in the healthy sort of way. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and his freckles stuck out against his tanned skin. “I’m so glad you could make it! You’re the first one here, but I guess that’s sort of usual for you. You always had to get here first.” 

His snicker was the same as well, snarky against his usual cheery nature.

“Well, beside the two of us,” said a tower of a blonde coming up behind Yamaguchi and placing his hands on his shoulders, “But we have to be here first.”

Tsukishima was still just as blonde, and just as tall, but he was somehow different than the soggy French fry he had been back in high school. His jaw had chiseled itself out more, now as sharp as his annoyed glare, and his glasses had changed from chunky plastic frames to thin silvery spectacles. He was dressed in a short sleeved button up, skinny tie slightly loosened, and tailored black slacks.

“Yes, well, practice can’t really start without the coach or the faculty advisor. The kids would run rampant,” Yamaguchi replied, unstartled by Tsukki’s sudden appearance or the thumbs twiddling circles onto his shoulders.

“Whaaaa! Tsukishima I didn’t know you were a teacher!” Hinata exclaimed, finally understanding, “I bet your students hate you.”

Tsukishima glared, while Yamaguchi’s laugh bubbled out once more. “Actually, I think Tsukishima is fairly popular with his students, especially with the girls,” Yamaguchi answered, grinning as Tsukishima tugged lightly on his ponytail.

“If you’re insinuating,” Tsukishima began, “Rather inappropriately, I may add, that my students only enjoy my class for my looks, then you are heavily mistaken. My class is engaging, challenging, and rewarding. After all, I was already learning how to teach the unteachable back in high school.”

“Hey I’m not unteacha-“

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I should go change. I may just be convinced to actually play today,” Tsukishima replied, heading out of the gym without any acknowledgement of Hinata’s outburst.

“I bet his students all call him a douche canoe behind his back,” Hinata mumbled.

“Yes, well I wouldn’t know. The kid’s all know we’re close so they’d never give him anything but praise in front of me,” Yamaguchi answered.

“I bet the team likes you a lot. You were always a great captain.”

“Well I guess you’ll get to see.”

With that, Yamaguchi headed off to his team, leaving Hinata to stand awkwardly on the sidelines, stretching by himself while waiting for the others to show up. It felt like an eternity, standing over there by himself. What did Yamaguchi think of him? He hadn’t said anything strange. Were they supposed to have caught up? Chatted about how their lives were going? And the kids probably thought he was a total loser. Peering over, he noticed how tall they were. The shortest one on the team looked to have a good five centimeters on him. Why were they all so large? They were young, tall, probably smart like Tsukishima, kind like Sugawara, talented like Nishinoya, determined like Daichi. He felt his stomach bubble and oh goodness he was going to be—

“My favorite little decoy!” came a rattling voice, accompanied by the gust of wind as the door swung open. Hinata quickly found himself enveloped by strong, slender limbs, an arm tight around his waist, one in his hair along with bony chin, a leg tucked behind him, and all of them shaking with a booming laugh.

“Get off Tanaka,” Hinata replied, smiling as he shoved his friend away from him. He was still bald, and still all muscley, though now he sported a little stubble, enough to bring back a hint of the crush that Hinata had had during his first year of high school.

“Only if you say please. And call me senpai.”

“Please senpai,” Hinata said, rolling his eyes. It had been a long time since he had said anything like that, yet with Tanaka it still felt natural. He was his bald beacon of hope.

“All right, all right,” he said, backing off, “How are you my little ace? I haven’t seen you in forevvvver.”

“Oh, uh, I’m good. Working.”

“Yeah? Where do you work at?”

“Uh, I work for this ramen shop, Ramen Prince, which is a really stupid name but it’s a nice little place. Pays the bills and the uniform looks good on me. What about you?”

“Auto-repair, plus I’m a yoga instructor on the weekends. That’s the really fun job. There’s so many cute girls, it’s amazing. And, like, I can just light a shit ton of candles and it’s suddenly really romantic. Except I’ve asked basically all of them on a date and none of them have said yes… I’m nothing if not persistent though!”

“Gwahhh. I can’t believe they wouldn’t accept. You’re so nice and cool senpai!”

“I know.” Tanaka exclaimed, his muscles flexing to prove his point.

The door opened once again, Tsukishima coming back in, now wearing pastel athletic clothes, followed by Sugawara’s head of silver hair and Daichi’s smooth physique. However, rather than just the three of them, a small, wide eyed kid sat hooked onto Daichi’s waist, and oh my gosh were those—they were. Wedding rings.

“Daichi! Suga!” Tanaka exclaimed as they came over, “And you must be little Jun.”

Suga beamed. “Say hi Jun,” he instructed.

“Hi,” Jun replied with a big grin and a two handed wave.

Hinata’s mouth had fallen open, his eyes focused on the little kid. This couldn’t be real. 

“I think Hinata is going to keel over,” Tsukishima said, punctuating his sentence with a chuckle.

“Oh, did you not know?” Suga asked, “I guess the others only know from our Christmas cards, and we never got your new address so we just figured someone would tell you eventually. I didn’t really know who from the team you still talked to—“

“Koushi and I got married,” Daichi interjected.

“It was about time too,” said Tanaka, “You had been pining since the beginning of time.”

“Papa I want to play!” Jun said, pushing himself out of Daichi’s arms and starting at a run as soon as he hit the floor. They let him do as he pleased, but Sugawara’s eyes were clearly focused on him.

“So that’s your… son. You’re like proper adults with a marriage and a kid and a house and everything?” Hinata asked, still in mild shock.

“Uh, yeah I guess,” Daichi responded, his hand scratching at the back of his neck.

“That’s—that’s—Why the hell was I not invited to the wedding!? You guys are the worst teammates ever!”

“I second that!” added Tanaka, grinning. Tsukishima didn’t say anything, but Hinata couldn’t help but notice the way his eyebrow perked up in clear demand for an answer.

“Aw, well, we had just a little ceremony,” Suga explained, “Just our parents and our close friends at the time, I mean, our roommates, so they were really a bit closer than friends…”

“Wait,” Tsukishima interrupted, addressing Daichi, “Wasn’t Kuroo your roommate at the time? Did you seriously invite Kuroo and not us? That’s low Daichi.”

“I, uh, well,” Daichi fumbled, but luckily for him the door was opened once more. There was a flash of dark and blonde, and suddenly Nishinoya was on Tanaka’s back, rubbing his hand over Tanaka’s head.

“TANAKA! I missed this lucky bald head of yours! I missed you I missed you I missed you!” he shouted, peppering kisses across the stubbly scalp.

“Noya! I missed you too! I missed you so much! How have you been? How are you? Are you taller Nishinoya?”

“Three centimeters!” he exclaimed, hopping off of his friend’s back so that they could share a proper hug. They fit together easily, even after all their time apart. Not many people on the team stayed together like Suga and Daichi or Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. They had all fallen apart so quickly, though perhaps not to the extent that Hinata felt.

“You’re so tall,” Tanaka mumbled into Nishinnoya’s hair.

“You’ve almost got a beard.”

“Not really. I just forgot to shave this morning.”

“One day and it’s already the perfect rugged scruff? You are one lucky man Tanaka. I am entirely jealous.”

Hinata wanted to believe that that was what he and Kageyama would do, that they would be close again immediately, fitting together as if they had never left the other’s side. It was everything he wanted. They had been so close, especially in those last weeks of their third year—close enough that Hinata didn’t want to remember—and he desperately wanted that back. Or, at least, he wanted to be close with someone again. Whether it was Kageyama or not didn’t really matter. He just wanted someone by his side.

“Well it looks like everyone’s here,” Yamaguchi said, coming over with a smile. The rest of them, save Tsukishima, did not hold their faces so well. A frown settled across the rest of them as realization hit that they were all that were coming. Where was Asahi? Ennoshita? The teammates that came after Daichi and them graduated?

Where was Kageyama?

“Are you playing then Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima asked, looking around at his other five teammates, “Or are we playing six on six?”

“Ah, well I wasn’t going to play, but the kids have been insisting. They’ve never seen me play properly before, so…”

“So we get our pinch server back then!” Tanaka exclaimed.

“And we’ve got two great captains then,” Hinata added, smiling.

“I suppose so,” Yamaguchi answered, tossing them some red pennies, “Our manager will ref the game then. She’s pretty enthusiastic about that sort of thing.”

***

Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. He was standing on the court. The first serve would be soon. Yamaguchi had taken his spot after giving a speech to his kids, telling them to be attentive; watch, learn, make good decisions, learn to solve problems. _Don’t judge your opponents on what they look like,_ Yamaguchi warned, _We may be older, or shorter, or less practiced, but it is the underestimation of a team that can make you lose. Be on your toes._

He took Yamaguchi’s advice, hopping back from foot to foot, constantly in motion. However, Hinata couldn’t help but scrutinize the other team. Two towers of boys—one was definitely taller than Tsukishima—stood just before him on the other side of the net. Next to them was a boy with hair, bright pink with dark roots _Ah, I miss Kenma,_ standing about at Tanaka’s height, with even more powerful arms. In the back was one boy, plain dark hair, a deep tan, and made entirely of thighs. Next to him was their libero, still several centimeters taller than Hinata, bald, with dark skin and round eyes, probably of mixed race if he had to make a guess. The last player was skinny, or lean rather, a cobalt colored bowl cut with the cut sides revealing his natural dark color. They were an interesting combination.

But he could beat any opponent. He was invincible. …Right?

“Balls up!” the pink haired boy shouted as Tsukishima served the ball.

“Mine!” shouted Thighs, easily directing the ball back to the dark boy who had stepped forward into the setter position.

“Left!” Tsukishima directed, and suddenly he was jumping with Yamaguchi next to him, blocking the ball from making it back to their side. 

“Damn,” the tall boy mumbled, “You sure can jump.”

Hinata beamed. He could still jump! He could still block! Now if only he had had the chance to spike…

“Balls up!” Pinkie shouted again as the ball flew into the air. 

“Got it!” the skinny one exclaimed, receiving the ball but accidentally sending it back over the net.

“Chance ball!” Suga said as the ball flew effortlessly toward him.

“Bring it here!” Hinata shouted.

“Send it to me!” Tanaka also exclaimed.

Hinata leapt, waiting for the ball to find its way to his hand. It never did.

“One touch!” shouted one of the taller boys on the other side.

“Got it!” the setter answered.

“To me!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“DUMP!” said Tsukishima frantically, trying to give away their plan, but it was already done before they could make sense of the warning, the ball falling on their side of the net.

“’To me’ is when Akira is telling him to dump,” Tsukki said as they shifted positions.

“Tsukishima you can’t say stuff like that,” Pinkie, or Akira, said, his voice a bit of a whine.

“You’ll have to learn how to change strategies in a real match. It happens, and you’ve got to be adaptable. You’re a reed, not an oak,” Yamaguchi said, grinning at his own show of wisdom.

“But Yamagu—“

“Oh hush Akira,” said bowl-cut, “We got the point. Just let me serve.”

“Got it!” Daichi said, moving so that he could send it straight back to his husband.

“Bring it here!”

“Send it to me!”

Hinata jumped again. There was no one there to block—they had focused on Tanaka’s loud cry—and then there it was, the volleyball spinning in front of him, just a little closer and—WHAM!

Yes. There it was. The red hand that he had been craving, the tingle in his finger tips and smile on his face. Finally.

“Nice one Hinata!” Tanaka shouted, and Nishinoya gave him a rough pat on the back.

“Balls up!”

“Nice receive!”

“Bring it here!”

“Chance ball!”

“Don’t mind!”

“Nice receive!”

“Don’t mind!”

“Balls up!”

In the end, the students took that first set, 25 to 21. It was a close match, each team only seeming to get better as the game progressed. Hinata was exhilarated, his hand shaking as he pulled his water bottle up to his mouth. This was amazing.

The kids were amazing too. He was impressed by what a great little team Yamaguchi had formed. The two taller kids seemed to be in perfect synchronization, always knowing how to respond in turn with the other. The setter was incredibly accurate, with slower tosses that went exactly where they needed to be. Thigh’s abilities were somewhere between Daichi and Nishinoya. If he got to the ball, he could flawlessly return it right to their setter, but he wasn’t always quite fast enough to get the ball. Bowl-cut, on the other hand could just come out of nowhere, always ready to get the ball back over the net. And then there was Akira, a true prodigy. Not only was he a killer ace with a spike that left Hinata’s hand sore, but he was also incredibly perceptive and encouraging. Akira had presence. He always seemed to know what play should happen, and was able to alert his teammates with incredible skill. 

“All right,” piped up their lady manager, small, plump, her bangs dyed the same pink as Akira, “Are you guys ready to start.”

“Ah,” answered Yamaguchi “I think we actually had one more that was going to try to make it for the second se—“

“Sorry I’m late!” came an agitated voice from the door. Hinata turned, and there he was. Dark hair lowered in his bow of apology.

“Oh you’re just in time Kageyama!”


	2. Chapter 2

Kageyama’s leg shook under his table. He wanted to go. He wanted to be at Karasuno. Why couldn’t he have gotten off of work? Why did that asshole Ryugazaki have to say he was going to take his shift and then bail at the last minute? He just wanted to play volleyball.

“Hello may I please speak with Yamada Rin? … My name is Kageyama and I’m calling with the Enviromental Progress Society. How are you doing today? … Oh yes, we’ll call back another day. You have a nice afternoon. Mmmbye.”

Kageyama adjusted his headset before looking back down at his Sudoku puzzle. _If that nine is there, and that one is… oh and that’s there so the nine must go... Yes, great._

He knew where the nine should actually be. It should be back at Karasuno playing volleyball with his old team. It should be making incredible serves, figuring out strategies, and doing the unstoppable quick with Shouyo. He stretched out his fingers, trying to remember what it felt like make that toss. Even when he was practicing on the Olympic team, there was no one that could quite sync with him like his invincible decoy.

“Hello, may I please speak with Sosuke Ichiro? … My name is Kageyama and I’m calling with the Environmental Progress Society. How are you today? … That’s great. Well I’m calling for a few different reasons. First I’d like to” _Get the hell out of here._ “Update your records and make sure we’ve contacted you at your preferred number. Is this your home or your cell? …And are there any other numbers you’d like to add with us? …All right, well I’d like to share some information about what the Society has accomplished this past year, but before I do, is your email address still love hime at gmail dot com? …Haha, no don’t be embarrassed. My best friend loves that song.” _Best friend? You haven’t seen him for five years._ “Yeah, I guess it is kind of catchy. Anyway, last year we were able to help three universities increase their rate of recycling. Also, this past year we were able to place several community gardens in urban areas which is really great for the community. The other reason I’m calling is to thank you for the generous donation you made in the past. All contributions really do help us to encourage awareness of environmental issues with—You would like to donate? All right…”

He finished off the call before ringing the small bell at his desk.

“How much?” his supervisor asked.

“50. Credit card too.”

“Nice work, keep it up.”

He hated his job. It was always too hot, or too cold, but you’d never know which until you got there. It was too noisy as well, everyone talking to a sponsor or to each other, only serving as a reminder to the fact that none of them would ever talk to him. Sometimes he would try to make small talk, but it always ended badly. Sudoku had become his greatest companion, churning out a completely puzzle every half hour. If only he was as good at his job as he was at Sudoku. Phone calls were never his forte, so he mostly just read off the script, usually getting flustered as soon as someone would ask him a question or actually try and speak to him colloquially.

The worst part, however, was that it wasn’t volleyball.

He had been so close to the Olympics. The goal was in sight and yet it had all been ripped away from him. It ate him up, like an infection that made you have to amputate limbs. Kageyama had lost himself, an inch at a time. After the incident it was like everything was dark, and nothing was worth it, and all he could do was—

All he could do was pull on his bangs and try not to think about it, instead focusing on cataloging calls. Answering machine. Disconnect. Disconnect. No answer. Answering machine. General callback. Disconnect.

Kageyama just wanted to be back at Karasuno. He wanted to be back on the court, and back spiking at Hinata. Just thinking about him made his heart ache. How often had he wanted to text him and didn’t? How often had he typed out _You should come over_ despite how long the trip was, just because he yearned to see him. He had erased it so many times, replacing it with a simple _I miss you_ before deleting that and sending nothing at all. 

Back in college it had been hard. He wanted to see Hinata all the time--he wanted to have Hinata on the court with him and sharing a dorm with him--but that had never been an option. Kageyama had even considered not going to his prestigious university, instead following Hinata wherever he went, but he knew that Hinata would be angrier at him for giving up the opportunity than he was that Kageyama had it in the first place. It killed him that no place could see Shouyo’s potential. All they saw was his size, not bothering to look at his skill or the way he could encourage his teammates. 

 

“Let’s open them at the same time Kageyama!” Hinata had suggested, running into Tobio’s room, waving his envelope around.

“Yeah, all right,” Kageyama said,reaching for the envelope on his desk. He had been too nervous to open it before, preferring to let it just sit there, staring at him.

“All right! You ready? One… Two… Three!” Hinata ripped into the envelope, tossing it onto the floor behind him with a wildness that Kageyama thought was kind of cute. He took a more civilized approach, carefully sliding his finger under the fold of the envelope, going a bit too slow, afraid of what could be waiting inside.

_Dear Kageyama Tobio,  
Congratulations! We would love to have you on our team here at…_

He didn’t realize he was smiling until he glanced up at Hinata and saw that his friend was not. 

“…Hinata?”

“I didn’t make it in Kageyama… I didn’t… I’m not going to play volleyball there…” Tobio hated how broken Hinata’s voice had sounded. Sometimes it still echoed in the back of his bad dreams. The wavering, the little crack on the word “play”; he could recall it better than he wanted to.

“I… we can go somewhere else Hinata…” Kageyama said slowly.

“You didn’t get in either?”

“No… I… I’d just rather play somewhere else on the same team as you. I’m better when you’re on my team…”

“Yeah… we’re invincible together…” Hinata mumbled, “…Why didn’t I get in Kageyama?”

“I don’t know… they must be idiots. They must not know how volleyball works.”

That night was one of the most challenging of his life. Hinata was unstable, going from laying against Kageyama’s chest, whining and sniveling, to throwing pillows across the room and tearing paper into small pieces. He would ask “Can I break this?” and Kageyama would have to say no and rip the item away from, replacing it with something less important.

Eventually Kageyama’s mom had come upstairs to make sure they weren’t burning the house down, and when she heard what had happened she went out and bought ice cream and rented a bunch of movies for them to watch. Even with the distractions though Hinata had occasionally let out a little whimper of “I didn’t get in…” or “You really should go without me…” that broke Kageyama’s heart.

 

But today would be Kageyama’s chance to make up for Hinata’s sadness. They had both failed, ultimately, but now Kageyama could play volleyball with Hinata again, and maybe he could help Hinata feel invincible like he used to. And maybe Hinata would be there for him as well.

It had been the first thing Kageyama had asked when Yamaguchi had texted him. _Will Hinata be there?_ There was no point in playing without him. It was too painful.

10 minutes left, Kageyama noted as he filled a 3 into his Sudoku puzzle. That wasn’t so long. He could make it through. Disconnect. Answering Machine.

9 minutes left. He missed his old jersey. Do not call.

8 minutes left. Was Hinata already back in the city? Did he get any taller? He hoped he was eating right. Someone had said that he worked in a ramen shop. Disconnect. That was terrible. Hinata was the kind of idiot that would try to live exclusively off of ramen and end up with a bloated face and an even worse stomach than he already had. General Callback.

7 minutes left. What if Hinata wasn’t like he used to be? He could be a totally different person. He could—

“Hello may I please speak with…”

4 minutes left. He rang the bell.

“How much?”

“25. Matching gift too.”

“Good job.”

3 minutes left. Why the hell was this taking so long? Disconnect. Oh the eight goes there, then the six—Disconnect—goes in that space which makes this the seven and that the four and—Disconnect—Done!

2 minutes left. He’d have to fast walk to get to the bus stop on time. He was going to look like such an idiot. He already felt stupid bringing his bags to work with him, and now he’d have to be the crazy sprinting bag guy. This was the worst. General call back.

1 minute. Nobody answer. Disconnect. Nobody answer. Answering machine. Nobody answer. LOGOUT SCREEN HELL YEAH!

He swung out of his chair, nearly hitting the man sitting next to him, but he didn’t care. Kageyama sprinted down the stairs of the building, out the glass door, and around the corner to the bus stop. In less than an hour he’d be back a Karasuno, back in the gym, and back with Hinata Shouyo.

***

The bus ride was too long. He didn’t care about watching the trees go past or seeing the mountains again. Kageyama just needed to get back to the school. His legs bumped against each other as he bounced one of them, hoping to calm himself down. 40 minutes. 20 minutes. 25. 23. Each minute was an infinity in itself, one that Kageyama would have to cross through in order to reach his destination. It was killing him.

From Yamaguchi  
 _Just finished the first set! Are you almost here?_

To Yamaguchi  
 _Like 8 minutes from the bus stop, then I’ll get there asap. Please don’t start the second set without me!_

From Yamaguchi  
 _Wouldn’t dream of it._

It was too loud on the bus. All the voices were muddled by each other, but they were so noisy, like he was listening to them underwater. He felt his test tighten, and he clutched at the front of his shirt. _No, not today,_ he thought, grabbing a piece of gum from his bag, _I really can’t have this today._

He had always been embarrassed of his anxiety, and the fear of people witnessing an attack always seemed to make it even worse. Kageyama liked to have control over everything, so when he lost control of his own body, gasping for air and rebellious tears falling down his face, he felt terrified.

 

They hadn’t even been friends the first time Hinata had seen him have one of his meltdowns. The two of them were practicing for their match against Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and Hinata was doing really badly with his receives.

“Another!” Kageyama shouted, tossing Hinata another ball. _I need to play setter._

“One more!” _I am a setter._

“Try again!” _What if I really don’t play setter?_

“You have to get it this time Hinata!” _Am I good enough to fill in his weak spots? I have to be. I have to play setter. I need to. I am a setter._

He could feel the pace accelerating, getting too quick for Hinata. The boy could hardly recover from one missed receive with enough time to get the next. 

“Kageyama!” Hinata finally shouted, “Are you all right?” Kageyama was clutching the volleyball, his fingernails pressed tight enough to chaff off the colored design. His breath was coming out in quick gasps, and he could feel the tears coming down his face. “Oh my gosh Kageyama are you crying? I know I’m bad at receives but I’ll get better! Don’t cry about it…”

“Water,” Kageyama managed to get out during one of his gasps.

“Water? Oh! You want some? Here,” Hinata said, handing him his water bottle. The water helped to break up his panting, making him breath more steady.

“Need a second,” Kageyama said quickly, siting cross legged and putting his hands on his head, hoping to get the oxygen flowing more freely.

“Ok…” Hinata said, sitting next to him. 

They sat in silence for a little while, Kageyama’s loud breaths doing all the talking as he pushed any tears into the sleeves of his sweatshirt. 

“Sorry… Let’s get back to practicing…” Kageyama said as soon as he could breathe again. His chest still felt tight, and his skin still felt like it wasn’t his own, but Hinata needed to get better.

“Are you sure? I… We could talk about it? It seemed really serious. Do you have asthma? You really should have brought your inhaler since you’re doing physical activity.”

“It’s not asthma,” Kageyama replied, “It was an anxiety attack”

“Oh! I get nervous too but I’ve never been nervous like that… I’m sorry that you have to deal with that…”

“Yeah, wouldn’t have to if you could just get the receive right.” Kageyama could almost remember smiling.

“Whaaa! Well I’ll try my best so you can breathe!”

Over the years Hinata was able to pick up on all of Kageyama’s anxious habits. If he was bouncing his leg then Hinata would put his hand on his shoulder, rubbing his thumb across it to try to sooth him. If he was clutching at his shirt he would offer a piece of gum or a drink of his water. Sometimes Hinata would even let Kageyama crawl into bed with him, burrowing his head under Hinata’s shirt, trapped between his clammy chest and dirty t-shirt. 

 

He had gotten so used to having Hinata there to balance him out that by the time he got to University he had no idea how to deal with his anxiety on his own. It was as if he were back in middle school, drowning in a bunch of people that didn’t like him all over again.

Eventually he managed to make some friends on his team, and he formed small acquaintances in his classes, just so that he could borrow the notes from them when he needed to, but those first few weeks had been absolute torture. More than once he had had to call Hinata to help him to calm mind, instructing him when to breathe or just distracting him with silly anecdotes. However, the less frequent his anxiety attacks were, the less frequent were his long night talks with Hinata, laughing and shouting, his roommate urging him to hang-up on his “boyfriend” already and get to sleep.

***

When Kageyama hopped off the bus, he immediately broke into a sprint, desperate to be back at Karasuno. When he finally got to the school, he threw the door open, panting heavily as he bowed.

“Sorry I’m late!” he exclaimed.

“Oh you’re just in time Kageyama,” Yamaguchi answered, “You can go change in the club room real quick and then we can get started in the second set.”

“Yes!” Kageyama said, his eyes roaming until they locked with Hinata’s brown ones, almost gold under the harsh gymnasium lighting. This was it. This was their reunion. This was—

“Hey,” Hinata said, throwing up a hand in a tiny wave.

“Nice to see you. …I’ll go change so we can get to playing.”

 _The hell was that!?_ Kageyama asked himself, ripping off his button up shirt and pulling on a t-shirt. He had packed quickly, grabbing things at random, and had somehow ended up with one of his University shirts. He was going to look like a total asshole. Why did he even still have that?

And why did Hinata only say “hey”? Kageyama had been picturing them running towards each other, throwing their arms around each other, Kageyama lifting Hinata into the air, all in slow motion with the theme from “Chariots of Fire” playing in the background. What sort of perfect duo only said “hey” after more than five years of not seeing each other? He wanted to bang his head against the lockers, the way he used to after Tanaka would make surprisingly clever dirty jokes. 

In probably less than a minute he was back in the gym, trying to get some stretches in before they started the next set. Hinata was off talking with Tanaka and made absolutely no effort to approach Kageyama. It must have been the shirt. Why else would Hinata not be speaking to him? They were best friends.

“All right,” Yamaguchi said, finally calling the teams back together, “I’m going to sit out this set and let Kageyama go in for me. Is it all right if he takes over as setter Suga?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Suga answered, smiling as Daichi moved to rub the small of his back. 

“Great! Let’s get this started then.

“Balls up!” called this pink haired person on the other side of the net. _Ugh,_ Kageyamaa thought, _I can’t believe Yamaguchi is letting them do that._ Kageyama loathed loud volleyball players. It was unprofessional. 

Smack. Pat. Whoosh.

“Nice one Nishinoya.”

The ball was coming back to Kageyama, drifting into his fingertips.

“Bring it here!”

Before Kageyama could even tell what he was doing, the ball was soaring out of his hand, headed straight for Hinata’s hand.

Or, well, not quite straight. They missed, the ball dribbling back to the floor slowly.

“Ahh, don’t mind guys!” Suga said, forcing a smile.

“Sorry… Guess I’m rusty…” Kageyama mumbled.

“You’re fine. We’ll get it.”

They missed again. Then he got it to Tanaka. To Suga. Then another miss. A lucky play got them another point. Another miss. Another. They were piling up, the missed tosses stacking onto his chest. This was supposed to be easy. It was supposed to be magical and simple and perfect. What was wrong with them?

“Hey,” Hinata mumbled after another failure. The score was 18 – 11 now, in favor of the kids. “Don’t worry about it. I’m going to keep calling for a toss, and we’re going to get it. Don’t forget Kageyama, with me, you’re invincible.”

“Right.” Kageyama said, determination flashing in his eyes.

“Nice serve Kenji!”

“Good receive Daic—“

“BRING IT HERE!”

Lightning. That’s what it felt like to have the ball leave his fingertips, flying right into Hinata’s spike. Electricity had connected the pair the whole way through the motion. He stared at his fingertips, and could see Hinata doing the same. They were still synched. 

“The fuck was that!?” shouted Kenji, the setter for the other team.

“Language Ken,” Yamaguchi warned, smirking to himself, happy to have provided his kids with impressive opponents.

“Oh I knew you looked familiar!” the pink haired one exclaimed, “You’re the King of the Court, right? I used to watch your college matches on TV. You used to do a quick kind of like that with number five.”

“Yeah, kinda,” Kageyama mumbled, still in a post-play daze. It felt like eating home cooked meals after months of living off of cafeteria food, like when you get a new pair of sneakers and you feel really cool and stylish, like opening your locker on Valentine’s day and finding chocolate.

“All right, back to the game,” Yamaguchi said, “Kageyama, it’s your serve.”

Even his serve improved after that, back to the killer quality that could send a poor receiver flying. The set ended 25 – 19 in favor of the veterans.

Kageyama sat cross legged on the sidelines, drinking his water a bit faster than was probably healthy. One more set. They’d have to make it count.

“Hey!” Hinata said, sitting down next to him, their knees almost touching, “I’m glad we got the hang of it again!”

“Yeah,” said Kageyama, smiling slightly, “Me too.”

“…How have you been Kageyama?”

“Fine. And you?”

“All right… Where do you work now?”

“I’m a caller for the Environmental Progress Society. What about you?”

“I’m the manager at that ramen shop I worked at back when I was still in college.”

“Oh? I’m sure management goes well with your business degree.”

“Ah… I never graduated.”

“Oh. You never said.”

“I just… I was only going for volleyball club, and… it was just for fun for everyone else, so it was kind of an awkward dynamic…”

“Right… I’m sorry that things didn’t work out for you.”

“I know you are.” Hinata said, his head inching towards Kageyama’s shoulder. Tobio was almost certain that Hinata was going to rest it there, falling back into their old habits. At the last second, however, he seemed to chicken out, his head jerking upwards, resting it in his hands. 

“Yeah… We’ve got to catch up properly after this,” Kageyama insisted

“Oh yeah, I think we’re going to go out to eat with the kids after this. That’s what Tsukishima was talking about anyway. I’m so pissed I think Tsukishima got even taller. Not fair.”

“You didn’t grow at all?”

“Nope. I’m a shrimp forever. Nishinoya is taller than me now too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right. There’s this girl that comes into the shop all the time, she says my height is part of my charm or whatever. Also I’ve been investing in nice boots with a little bit of a heel so I’m not quite so tiny.”

“Everyone, back into positions!” Yamaguchi shouted, jutting his thumb towards the court.

It was a good final game. That Akira kid had them try different ways to stop the quick until the found something that was really successful. It was a close game, but Tsukishima’s finale dump got the veteran’s the two point win. 

“That was really great guys! I’m so proud of all of you! It makes me happy to have you all here. Please join us for dinner at Ukai’s,” Yamaguchi said, grinning.

There were shouts of excitement as the kids started to clean up the gymnasium. 

“Please feel free to change in the club room while we’re picking up,” Kenji said, passing the key off to Tsukishima. The air was weird as they made their way back there, stale almost, a sense of déjà vu settling in around them. _There’s something wrong here._ It was strange to be there without Asahi, or Ennoshita, or the others. The fact that Suga was holding the hand of his son was also strange. It felt like they had been replaced by strange imitations of themselves. 

“Gahhh, they took down my poster!” Tanaka exclaimed as he pulled off his shirts. He was the only one with the same pristine abs that he had in high school. The rest of them were fit, but he was like a demi-god.

“Yeah,” said Tsukishima, “Not all teenagers are so comfortable with the over-sexualization of women in our society.”

“I was appreciating the female form aesthetically! Like…um…like when you go to an art museum and there are naked people everywhere. It was like that.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s true,” Tsukishima answered with a roll of his eyes.

They eventually made their way to Ukai’s shop, walking just in front of the kids. He thought maybe he should try to talk to them, but he didn’t do that, and no one else did either. Teenagers were intimidating. They were so much cooler than him. He was just the loser that worked in a call center and missed his chance to go to the Olympics. They were a bunch of kids with a lot of potential.

Ukai had set up a blanket on the floor in the back of his shop. Pork buns, rice balls, melon bread, and chips were scattered across it. “An indoor picnic” he called it when he lead everyone inside.

“All right Karasuno,” Yamaguchi said, “I hope all of you will try to sit with some of the veteran players. Maybe you can learn something from them.”

And that was how Kageyama ended up sitting next to Kenji, the team’s setter, and one of the younger players, a boy named Eto. And not Hinata.

“Shit, your skills were incredible back there Kageyama. Akira was saying you were some sort of King of the Court back in your day. That’s a fucking cool nickname,” Kenji said, nibbling on a rice ball.

“Uh, well it wasn’t actually that cool back then. People called me that because I was kind of full of myself back in middle school. I didn’t know how to play as a team.”

“You played so well though,” Eto piped in.

“Yeah,” Kenji agreed, “You and that shrimpy guy worked so well together. It was incredible. I had never seen a quick like that before.”

“Ah, well, Hinata and I didn’t even get on so well at first, but… I don’t know. Our skill sets just really matched up. We made good partners. Eventually.”

“It was the shit. You were so fucking in sync. How long did it take you to learn that?”

“Ah, well we were in the beginning of the year match, us and Tanaka against Daichi, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi, and we just kind of… tried it. We didn’t perfect it right away—Hinata used to close his eyes when we did it—but after our first couple of practices it was already like second nature.”

“You were like volleyball soulmates,” Eto pointed out.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Kageyama, mumbled, digging into his meat bun to hide any hint of embarrassment.

“Well then you’re kidding yourself,” Kenji said, “that kind of play should take years to perfect, not a couple of weeks. You’re a match made in heaven.”

“Strictly in the volleyball sense,” Eto added.

“Right…I don’t know. I guess that’s kind of true. …We were originally ultimate rivals. At least for him. I was on the only team he ever played in middle school, so he didn’t have many people to choose from to be his rival.”

“Were you guys good friends? Off the court I mean? You must have been, right?” Eto asked, “I mean… I didn’t have many friends before the volleyball team… But now I think I’ve got really good friends. I want to be able to be close with the team for a long time, like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.”

“Well not quite like them,” Kenji added with a chuckle.

“Oh you know what I mean,” Eto added.

“Yeah,” Kageyama answered, “Me and Hinata were really good friends in high school. It’s… it’s hard to keep in contact with people after high school, but yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever have another friend like Hinata.”

“Well you can be close again now, right?” Eto asked, “I mean, sometimes it only takes one volleyball game, like your quick. I… I don’t want my team to ever lose each other like that. I want us to always be together.”

“Yeah…” Kageyama said, grabbing for a bag of chips, “You just can’t always stay together, no matter how close you are. Sometimes life just likes to rip people apart.”

“…How long are you going to be in town?” Kenji asked, changing the subject with as much ease as he could manage, “because if you’re going to be here for a while then I’d have to make you teach me that killer quick.”

“Just through tomorrow.”

“Aw, well are you going to be free at all tomorrow? I don’t really doing anything on Saturday mornings so if you wanted to you could try to help me a little bit. Yamaguchi isn’t that knowledgeable on setting techniques, and Tsukishima… Well, I just would really appreciate being able to learn from a real setter.”

“I… Yeah I can come by. Would 9:00 be all right?”

“That’d be fucking lit. Thank you so much Kageyama.”

“My pleasure.”


	3. Chapter 3

Hinata loved the new Karasuno team. They were so vibrant and so strong. He was filled with new vigor just from being around them. He wanted to go to all of their matches, all of their practices, and all of their team dinners. The Karasuno boys’ volleyball team was his home, there was no getting past that. It would always take up the largest part of his heart, no matter what he was doing. When he wasn’t playing or participating, that part of his heart would remain dormant, slowly decreasing his energy.

Now, however, his blood was pumping hard and his hands were still shaking slightly as tried to fit a whole rice ball into his mouth in one bite. Akira, sat next to him, chatting with the manager, Kagura.

“I would take smaller bites if I were you…” Kagura said, passing him some juice, “I mean, I’m trained in the Heimlich, but I don’t really want to do it.”

“Aw, that’s fair,” Hinata answered, grains of rice falling out of his mouth as he spoke. Kagura made a bit of a face, picking some misguided rice off of her shoulder.

“So… Hinata, what did you play in high school?” Akira asked.

“I was the ace!” Hinata exclaimed excitedly. He had only been able to call himself that his third year, Tanaka taking over the role in their second, but in that year he finally felt like he had lived up to his potential. In that year he wasn’t just some no name player, he was Karasuno’s strong ace.

It was incredible, walking into regionals in his third year. _That’s them,_ people would whisper, _That’s Karasuno. Those two, those are that unstoppable duo._ They even had built a small fan base of students that came out to watch their matches. Karasuno was strong.

“Really?” Kagura asked, “But you’re so small.”

“Yeah, but did you see that quick?” Akira cut in, “A professional team would be jealous of that play.”

“You were incredible too!” Hinata replied, “You always seemed to know what was going on, and you’re really strong. I bet the other teams get nervous whenever they hear you talk. Even when you just called the serve you made me nervous. You’ve got a lot of huwaf in your voice!”

“Well thank you,” Akira said, smiling, “I try my best to give off that ‘cute but could kill vibe’.”

“And you succeed!”

“Yeah, well she’s been playing volleyball her whole life,” Kagura said, “She grew up in Tokyo and played in one of the best middle school teams there. She’s incredible.”

“…She?” Hinata asked.

“Oh, uh, I’m a girl,” Akira said, shouldering Kagura lightly, “I’m just transgender.”

“I… Ah well I’m kind of an idiot so I don’t really know what that means, but if you say you’re a girl then you are, right?”

“Yeah,” said Akira, smiling slightly, “It just means that what I am doesn’t really match up with my body.”

“…Why don’t you play for the girl’s team then?” Hinata asked.

“Well I’m kick ass at volleyball, and I wouldn’t want any accusations being made if I played for the girl’s team. I like this team a lot though, and I’m really just happy to play, no matter who I play with.”

“…I still wish it would be easy for you to play on the girl’s team. I… I know it’s probably not the same, but I get that it hurts when your body won’t let you do what you want to do, or play how you want to play. It must be really frustrating to face stuff like that even off the court. You know, ‘cause I get made fun of for being short, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. You’re even stronger than I thought.”

“Oh, thanks, that’s very sweet of you, but… I try not to make a big deal out of it, you know? I mean… It’s just the lot that was chosen for me. It’s fine.”

“Well I still think you’re incredible,” Hinata replied, flashing his brilliant smile.

They let the kids go home first before helping Ukai to clean up. The people started to dwindle, as Daichi and Suga had to put their little Jun to sleep, or Nishinoya had to get in because he was staying with his mother for the weekend and she would lock him out if he got back after she went to sleep. 

Hinata could feel Kageyama lingering, his eyes flashing up to spot his orange hair, afraid that if he didn’t keep his eye on Hinata that he would disappear. 

“Well, I’m pretty tired, so I’m going to head out. Thank you so much for dinner Ukai! And thank you for inviting me today Yamaguchi, I really enjoyed playing again!” Hinata said, a little bit too loud. He missed walking home with Kageyama, their elbows, scraped from diving, ghosting against each other as they talked about volleyball or judged their friends based on Yachi’s gossip that she would share with them.

Hinata walked into the cold air, pulling on his burgundy jacket and sticking his hands in the pockets, careful to start his trek back as slow as he could, waiting for Kageyama to come out and walk with him, as he was sure that he would.

He knew he wanted to talk to Kageyama. When he had first stepped into the gymnasium he was instantly filled with such an urge to tackle him, whether out of excitement or anger, that he didn’t know what to do, and eventually settled on just doing nothing. It was hard to see Kageyama. Every time he looked at him, his heart seemed to break a little more, but when he talked to him, it also felt as if it were mending itself. 

“Hinata!” Kageyama finally called, jogging beside him, “May I walk with you?”

“Yeah, sure,” Hinata said, a faint smile cross his lips, glad that he still knew Kageyama enough to anticipate this.

“Thanks.”

It was quiet. Their elbows didn’t brush, their eyes didn’t meet, there was no exclamation of “Your sets today were incredible!” or “You really need to work on your receives you dumbass.” Only the music of crickets mixed with the thud of their footsteps granted any real signs of life. He kept waiting for Kageyama to finally say it, certain that he wouldn’t be the first to cave, but it never came.

Only when they reached a crossroads did Kageyama speak.

“I’m going this way.”

“Oh?” Hinata asked. He didn’t use to break off from Hinata’s route until much later in their walk.

“Yeah… I’m staying in a hotel.”

“Ah…”

It was quiet again. This must really be goodbye then. Their first goodbye. When Kageyama left for his University’s training camp, had been so much of a promise. It was a _see you later,_ a _we’ll stay in touch,_ and not really a goodbye at all. Now, this would have to be it, a proper closure to their partnership. If he could just finish this off justly then maybe he could live free of the chains of his old volleyball career.

“…C’mon,” Kageyama finally mumbled, pulling on Hinata’s sleeve so that he followed behind. Goodbye could wait.

His brain felt like it was overheating; he couldn’t make sense of the situation. Here he was, back in his hometown, back with his former best friend, back under the guise of night, back to following him whenever he asked.

He was so used to following Kageyama home. Sometimes his extroversion would build so much that even practice and school didn’t do it for him. The idea of going back to his own home, sitting and watching TV or doing homework would eat away at him. He’d feel lonely even in a crowded classroom, or even when he was laughing along with his teammates.

Yet when he would find himself back in Kageyama’s room, lying curled up in a ball at the end of his bed while Kageyama stretched out across the length of it, their feet brushing up against each other as they watched Naruto, he always could sense their togetherness. If he was there in Kageyama’s room, he couldn’t be alone. Even when Kageyama would leave to grab them snacks or use the bathroom, the feeling of toenails scratching the sole of his foot would linger in Kageyama’s wake. It was strange to be so close to him—Hinata had never had that closeness with anyone, even the boys he had gone to school with from kindergarten through middle school—but he couldn’t deny that Kageyama made him feel more calm and more at home than anyone else. Even Suga, with his motherly protection, wasn’t able to make Hinata feel so at ease.

“How far is the hotel?” he asked after they had walked for a while.

“I don’t know. Maybe five minutes?” Kageyama said, glancing back at him.

“All right… So… I haven’t talked to you in a while…”

“We can talk when we’re back inside,” Kageyama interrupted, “I’m still thinking of what I can say to you.”

“Oh… All right.” Hinata replied. Was it that serious? It certainly was to Hinata, but he had never thought that Kageyama would feel so strongly. He got a new team, he got success, he got a college degree. How important could his friendship with his old ace be?

“I’m going to take a shower,” Kageyama said when they got inside, “You can watch TV or whatever, and there are snacks in my bag if you get hungry again, but don’t eat all the caramels or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Don’t worry, I got too many cavities. I’ve sworn off sticky candies so that I don’t have dentures by the time I’m thirty.”

“Well maybe if you brushed your teeth more you wouldn’t have that problem. How many times do you even brush them? Oncea day? Once a week?”

“That’s none of your business Bakayama,” Hinata replied, throwing himself onto the bed.

“Whatever, you’re so gross,” Kageyama said, going off to shower and locking the door behind him.

Hinata flipped on the TV, turning it to some J-Drama about a girl sneaking into an all boys sports school. He held the pillow against his chest, watching as a montage of a guy desperately trying to add an inch to his high jump played on the scream.

 _You can do it!_ Hinata chanted to himself. He wanted him to succeed. He wanted him to get the girl. He wanted him to be happy and successful and to get to keep petting that adorable dog as much as he wanted. 

“I’m out,” Kageyama said, coming out of the bathroom fully dressed in a pair of grey joggers and a Marvel t-shirt, with a smear of green gunk all around his face.

“What the hell is that?” Hinata laughed, poking at the cream as Kageyama came to sit on the edge of the bed.

“It’s a facial mask,” Kageyama replied, swatting away Hinata’s hands.

“You look absolutely ridiculous.”

“Yeah well it’s only you that I’m seeing right now. No need to impress. Plus it makes my skin better for when I see people that actually matter?”

“Like who? The high school team? You care what a bunch of teenagers think?”

“Teenagers are scary as hell,” Kageyama answered, his tone low and serious, “I mean, they’re a great team and I have to somehow live up to this title of King which I don’t even want to have, and on top of that I have to be their senpai somehow. Do you remember what a shitty upperclassmen I was? I never knew what to do when the first years asked me for help. I just kind of stared at them and shook my head one way or the other until they would go ask you or Yamaguchi.”

“…And what’s good skin got to do with any of this?”

“Well at least I won’t have them making fun of me for having a giant ass zit while I try to teach them to serve like Oikawa Tooru.”

“Oh so that’s it, you’re trying to have good skin so you can be like Oikawa. You want to have all the girls following you around like that?”

“Shut up,” Kageyama said, shoving him lightly, “And go shower. You’re sweaty and gross.”

“Yeah fine,” Hinata said, getting up, “You gotta watch this show though so you can tell me what I miss, all right?”

“Fine,” Kageyama answered, readjusting his pillows into a comfortable back rest. 

He showered as quickly as he could, eager to get back to the high jumper and his setter. What was it that Kageyama wanted to talk about? Hinata could already feel himself easing into normalcy next to Kageyama, and he didn’t want that to go away because of unnecessary somber discussion. All he wanted was to lay beside Kageyama, whining about how he should pet his hair as they watch the high jumper become victorious over that one extra inch.

Hinata was still throwing on Kageyama’s spare t-shirt when he came out, eyeing the TV screen.

“Ok,” said Kageyama, eating from a bag of kale chips, “So there was a doctor and he told her that her lungs were going to collapse or something? I don’t know, something about getting rid of her boobs—“

“Heh, boobs.”

“You’re such a child. Anyway, so then this evil girl was there and I think she’s trying to make the main guy date her because she’s perfect, but she’s not perfect for him.”

“Obviously,” Hinata replied, linking his arm with Kageyama’s and leaning his head up against his shoulder, “The main girl and him have to be together. She’s really good at encouraging him, even when he doesn’t feel like he can do it, or when she’s being annoying it’s still ok and it still helps him, y’know?”

“Yeah…” Kageyama said, quietly, “Do you watch this show?”

“No, I think I’ve caught an episode when Natsu was watching it though. She’s obsessed with dramas. They’re a bit addicting too. Right now we’re watching one about this guy whose dad died in a fire and mom committed suicide and now he’s a journalist and it makes me mad how good it is.”

“Sounds dramatic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had to misgender Akira up until now. It just made more sense pov wise... but from here on out she will always be referred to with the proper pronouns! 
> 
> Also the drama that they are watching is To The Beautiful You. I've only seen the Korean version so I hope the Japanese version isn't too different...


	4. Chapter 4

“Hinata,” Kageyama mumbled as the show ended, pressing the mute button. 

“No, not yet Kageyama,” Hinata said, “I don’t want to be serious yet.”

“We have to talk about it eventually,” Kageyama countered, “Otherwise… I’ll keep being eaten up by it.” He was unsure of himself. It was unfair, really, to burden Hinata with his feelings. Hinata probably felt enough as it was. After all, he didn’t get all the opportunities that Kageyama had. How could he sit here and say to Hinata _See all these ways I have suffered? It has been so difficult for me_ when he had been able to go to a good college and play volleyball and qualify for the Olympics? Hinata had all his chances ripped away from him. Hinata had just as much skills as his other university teammates, but because he was too short, or hadn’t really played in middle school, he was denied, and it enraged Kageyama. How could they tell him no when they looked at his speed and his jump and the power behind his spikes? How could they be so blind?

“Fine… You’ve got to wipe all that crap off your face first though,” Hinata replied, poking at the cream that had now hardened onto his skin.

“All right, all right, one second.”

He had to pry Hinata off his arm, even though it was the ace that had ordered him to the bathroom. Kageyama splashed the water against his face, dabbing his skin with a wash cloth, hoping it didn’t look weirdly red as it sometimes did after the hot water kissed it.

“Satisfied?” he asked, crawling back under the covers.

“I guess,” Hinata answered, grabbing his hand and setting it on his head. Kageyama rolled his eyes, but still ran his fingers through orange locks.

“You’re so strange.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Hinata…” Kageyama began, “I missed you. More than I ever was able to say I did.”

“I know,” Hinata replied, his voice quiet, and Kageyama would almost say it was sad, “I feel the same.”

“I was scared, you know? I didn’t want to break you by talking about it. I thought that if I kept trying to talk to you it would only make you sad,”

The first denial letter was bad, but they had only gotten worse for Hinata. Rather than him crying and throwing things around, he had just caved in on himself, preferring to lay around doing nothing, waiting for bursts of energy to send him into menial tasks like getting out of bed or eating something other than toast and ramen noodles. Kageyama couldn’t mention his own acceptances—he could barely even tell his mom about them. He hid them in his desk drawer, feeling guilt wave over him whenever he looked at them. How could he go to some school that had so mistreated his best friend?

“You’re right,” Hinata answered.

“Huh?” Kageyama returned. That certainly wasn’t the answer that he was expecting. In his fantasy world Hinata would have said that everything was all right, that he was happy for him, that he deserved all of the things he got. Life, however, was no such fantasy.

“You’re right,” he said again, punctuating it with a shrug, “It hurt me to even look at you Kageyama. I was—no, I won’t lie to you. I am jealous. I’m jealous and bitter and I feel guilty for feeling that way, and it’s hard for me to see you.”

“Oh…” Kageyama answer dumbstruck.

“But… Listen Kageyama, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you, you know? It just means… It just means I’m not happy with myself… I knew that I had to be ten times as good as the other players who had the height and connections, but I wasn’t. So it’s my fault, really. It’s not fair of me to put all of that on you.” 

Hinata didn’t look at him when he talked, instead staring straight ahead at the reflection of himself in the television. Kageyama want to shout at him, to tell him it wasn’t his fault and that he had deserved a spot more than half the people on his University team. He wanted to tell his friend that he played so much better when they played together.

Tobio wanted to let him rest his head on his chest, to stroke his hair, to tell him to stay there next to him, the way they had the whole week before Kageyama had left for school, their breaths falling into synchronization. Hinata’s hair had grazed across Kageyama’s chin, leaving a strand of orange that would try and escape into Kageyama’s mouth.

 

“Blegh!” Kageyama had shouted, pulling the perpetrator off his tongue and pressing it onto the hem of Hinata’s sleeve, “Why are you so gross?”

“It was just trying to stay with you,” Hinata had said, moving his head further onto Kageyama’s chest. 

“How sweet of it,” he replied, the eye roll clear by the tone of his voice.

“Oh you know you’re going to miss it one day. You’re going to miss being sweaty because sharing a bed with someone is warmer than hell, and you’re going to miss picking orange hair off all of your black clothes, and you’re going to miss having someone that doesn’t make fun of you every time you smile.”

“Hinata, you definitely make fun of me every time I smile,”

“Nu-uh!” Hinata had objected, “Just, like, 80% of the time.”

Hinata had been right, of course. He did miss all that stuff, and more. His first few days at university were spent, in an effort to connect with his peers, telling anecdotes about Hinata rather than himself. All of Kageyama’s tales from high school, from knocking the toupee off of their Vice Principal to winning against their toughest competitors, involved his little ace. 

 

“Ok, that’s like the twelfth time you’ve talked about that Hinata guy in the past hour,” his roommate, Akito, had said, not looking up from his lap top that he was playing a dating sim on.

“Oh… Sorry. We just hang out a lot.”

“Was he your boyfriend or something?” Akito asked, taking a bite of jerky, “I won’t judge or anything. Guys are attracted to me all the time. I’m really hot.”

Kageyama wanted to point out that Akito’s dating sim was entirely populated with male suitors, but he didn’t bother.

“No, he wasn’t my boyfriend,” Kageyama said, a bit surprised himself by how severe it came out of his mouth.

“You wanted him to be though? Sounds like you did.”

“There… there was no time to have any sort of relationship like that,” Kageyama replied, as truthfully as he could. There would have been time, had he sorted out his feelings back in his second year, before they were full of jitters about their future and sorrow at their eventual split. He had no chance to hint to Shouyo that he might feel that way. Kageyama was still confused, even when he had left for school, so there was no way he could dump that on Hinata, who was already sad about not getting in to a good volleyball program. 

“Ah, you’ve got it bad.” Akito had finally looked away from his computer to smile at Kageyama, his toothy smile teasing Kageyama. 

“I do not!”

“You should invite him up some time,” he answered, not paying attention to Kageyama’s rebuttal, “It’d be fun. We could all play Dix It or whatever, and if you wanted I could go stay with Shiro down the hall so that Hinata could have his own bed, or, more probable, you guys could get some real alone time. Oh and you could take him to volleyball practice! I’m sure the team would love to meet him with how much you blabber on about him.”

Kageyama had almost been convinced. He would have loved to have dragged Hinata here to see the campus, drink coffee, and lay in bed with him. It could have been just like old times. But—

“No, that’s all right. I don’t think he’d want to come. He… He doesn’t really like volleyball all that much, and that’s all I do most the time, so that’d be weird…”

“What do you mean he doesn’t like volleyball?” Akito asked, surprise in his voice, “You always talk about how incredible or invincible or whatever it is that you guys were.”

“Yeah… well um… He didn’t actually get in anywhere for volleyball, so I try not to bring it up.”

“Shit, you’re serious? You guys made it that far and he didn’t make it in? That’s seriously bogus.”

“Well he’s short,” Kageyama started, “And not a libero.”

“You’re such an asshole Kageyama,” Akito had said, surprising Kageyama a bit, “You can’t justify them. You can’t say, ‘Yeah he didn’t make it, but there were reasons.’ If your friend is pissed, you gotta be pissed too, and if he isn’t pissed then you have to be pissed enough for the both of you.”

 

Kageyama pulled Hinata closer to him, with all the subtly he could muster.

“No.”

“What?” Hinata asked.

“You’re wrong,” Kageyama continued, “It’s not your fault. They were total idiots to pass you up. I was stupid to ever want to play on a team that wasn’t yours.”

“Kageyama, don’t be dumb. You had to go to the best school. You had to make it to the Olympics for the both of us.”

Hinata hadn’t meant to let it escape, but he didn’t take it back either. It lingered in the air, filling the crevices between their bodies. It felt heavy on Kageyama’s chest. He wanted to just cast the accusation aside, leave it for another day, but he knew that this would be his last chance to reconcile. This was his last chance to have Hinata back in his life.

All the pressure was there again, like the day he left, determined to get to the Olympics for the both of them. Or, more accurately, it felt like that game in middle school. Kageyama was playing alone here, trying to keep things going all on his own. It was up to him to fix this.

“Kageyama…” Hinata finally said, his voice low, “You don’t play much anymore, right?”

“Yeah,” Kageyama answered, matching Hinata’s quiet tone.

“I don’t either. You… You don’t have to tell me why, all right?”

“But I disappointed you.”

“Yeah… I mean, it’s not really disappointment. I get really angry when I think about you sometimes. How can he get that and I can’t? How can he have that opportunity? How can he waste it like that? If I were Kageyama I would have done everything I could… That’s the kind of thing I think about sometimes…But when I see you Kageyama… It’s like there are two different people. You’re not the Kageyama that I feel anger and bitterness towards.”

“You feel anger and bitterness towards me,” he repeated, processing. 

“Kageyama… don’t take it like that. I just… I just wanted to play volleyball, you know?”

“And now?” Kageyama asked, brushing some of Hinata’s hair out of his face.

“Truthfully? I don’t let myself think about volleyball much anymore. Everyone scurries around the topic, not daring to bring it up in my presence. I don’t want to have to face it, y’know? It feels like the wall.” 

Hinata spoke towards the TV again, his head gently pressing upward into Kageyama’s hand, how it always used to when he sought out his friend’s attention. Kageyama combed his fingers through his hair, only realizing now how unchanged Hinata was. Daichi and Suga had grown into their roles as parents, wrinkles beginning to pepper Daichi’s forehead and the corners of Suga’s eyes. Tanaka had his stubble, along with a septum piercing that he had flipped down from the inside of his nose after they had finished playing. Yamaguchi was all hair and stunning, blossoming now that he was no longer an awkward teenager. Tsukishima’s cheek bones had hollowed out slightly, giving him a more chiseled look. Nishinoya had even grown, and didn’t feel the need to wear his hair spiked up stupidly anymore. Hinata, though, was unchanged by time. He was still small, shaggy haired, fidgety, loud, and everything that Kageyama remembered him being back in middle school. 

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama answered. It was all he could offer.

“Thank you… Now anyway, let’s put all that stuff aside. …How have you been?”

“Uh…fine I guess.”

“…Where are you living now?”

“Same city as before. I’ve got an apartment with my roommate from University. His name’s Akito and he’s good to live with because his parents are really well off and like to spoil him.”

Hinata grinned. “That’s lucky. Are you good friends then?”

“Uh… Well I guess so. We don’t have any real shared interests or anything like that, but he’s fun to watch movies with. He also really likes to sing and it’s kind of annoying. The apartment is never quiet.”

“I’m surprised that you haven’t killed him yet,” Hinata answered, laughing to himself.

“Yeah, well it’s crossed my mind, but I wouldn’t be able to afford rent without him.”

“Fair point”

“What about you? Where are you living?”

“I’ve got an apartment with Natsu while she goes to school. It’s kind of little, and kind of weird to be living with her, but it’s nice too, and close to work.”

“I can’t imagine her being that old,” Kageyama said, settling down into the bed until he was laying fully, his arm splayed out as a pillow for Hinata, “She’s supposed to be, what? Seven?”

“Yeah. She’s nineteen now. It’s crazy. I feel ancient. Sometimes she even goes out on dates.”

“Oh my gosh.”

Kageyama paused. A moment, debating. The question was there, ripe for the asking, but he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know the answer. If he asked it, he’d have to deal with the answer, whether he found if favorable or not. Kageyama wasn’t even sure what sort of answer he wanted from Hinata, but he knew that his hopes for his future friendship could be altered severely based on his question. 

“And you?” Kageyama asked, going all in, “Have you been dating?”

“Oh… Uh, yeah, I guess. No one serious to mention though. What about you? Got a special someone?”

“No,” Kageyama said, pulling Hinata just a tad bit closer, “I went out a few times back in University, but no one really stuck.”

 

By a few times, he meant twice. The first had been with a girl in his general comp class. She sat beside him, one seat separating them, towards the back of the class. They didn’t really talk properly, but every now and again one would mutter under their breath a _get me out of here,_ or a _the fuck?_ that would make the other person chuckle in response. Towards the end of the semester she slid over a note to him, just before class ended.

_Hey I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee sometime and talk more about how much we hate this class? Text me! xxx-xxx-xxxx._

He had blinked a couple of times, reading it over, and then later again to his roommate.

“What!? No way! Is she cute? Are you going to text her? You have to text her right now Kageyama.”

And that’s how he found himself sitting in a Starbucks for two hours, staring at his hands around his mug of hot chocolate. Every statement had an awkward pause before the other’s reply. His roommate had said that a coffee date could take anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours, and luckily for Kageyama it wasn’t the latter. He was so focused on trying to keep the conversation going that after just half the time he felt exhausted. When he got home he just fell into his bed and took a nap, certain that he would never do anything like that again.

And he didn’t. The next date he went on was with one of the basketball players. Sometimes the volleyball players would be entering the locker rooms while the basketball team was still clearing out. The teams were fairly close, the volleyball captain always teasing the basketball captain about how they had such a better time spot and it wasn’t fair. Their team seemed to feel about the basketball players the way Karasuno felt about Nekoma. They were their biggest rivals, and best friends. 

The boy that Kageyama had gone out with was tall, as he had to be, probably with a similar, though less drastic build to Lev. His hair was cropped short on the sides, and on top was pulled into a bun. _He’s like a samurai,_ Kageyama always caught himself thinking, though it probably wasn’t altogether accurate. 

And once, that tall boy had left his keys on the bench, and Kageyama was sent to chase after him, and made the most embarrassing mistake of this life.

“Samurai!” he called, covering his mouth when he did. His face was beat red, but the boy seemed to respond to it anyway, turning on the balls of his feet.

“Yeah Blueberry?” the guy answered, a teasing grin on his face. Kageyama wanted to die.

“You left your keys.”

“Oh. Toss ‘em here.”

It took everything he had to not follow by his most basic instincts, throwing the keys to the boy gently, rather than tossing them as a setter like his fingertips were so tempted to do.

The day after most of the basketball guys were already gone when Kageyama got there, but Samurai had lingered.

“Hey,” he said, smiling at Kageyama, “Thanks again for getting my keys back to me. Maybe I could make it up to you? You could come over to my dorm and watch a movie or something?”

On Friday night Kageyama had found himself being shoved out the door by Akito, who insisted that Kageyama go out, have some fun, and most importantly, get laid. Kageyama didn’t trust him, of course. Akito’s motives were always at least partially selfish. If Kageyama was out with a guy, then that meant that the dorm would be vacant for Akito to entertain his own guest. 

The samurai boy was nice. His dorm was decorated in fairy lights and prints of famous artworks with slightly wrinkled corners, like he had bought them second hand. The room smelled like pumpkin, but in the gross, overly strong air-freshener way. 

They settled into the bed, using the pillows against the wall to give it the function of a couch as they watched some actual samurai movie. However, Kageyama eventually felt samurai-boy scoot a little closer, and even closer, until he was positioned in Kageyama’s lap. He was acutely aware that the boy was no longer watching the movie.

And just like that they were kissing, the boys hands everywhere and Kageyama’s tight against his side, his mouth trying to keep up with the quickness of the other’s, struggling for small little breaths. Something was welling in his chest, like when you get knocked to the ground and the pain bounces through your back and clenches in the front of your rib cage.

“Are you—“

“I miss my best friend and I haven’t seen him in two years.” Kageyama said, all in a single breath that he hadn’t been able to get out between kisses. 

“I… Um… Ok,” he said in response, running a hand through his hair. He rocked back onto the heels of his feet, climbing off the bed and moving to sit in his desk chair. “Well… Uh… You want to talk about it?”

“Um… I don’t know what I’d say…”

“Have you texted him lately?”

“No… We don’t talk at all…”

“Tell me about him.”

That was how a random basketball player found out the entire story of Kageyama and Hinata. He was a surprisingly good listener, nodding along and occasionally giving input into what Kageyama should do. Of course, Kageyama didn’t take any of that advice, instead choosing to do nothing but wallow and stare at his phone, hoping Hinata would text him first. 

 

“Dating is just so much work,” Hinata complained, “It’s like, I don’t want to go through the whole not knowing phase. I either want to be married right now, or know that I’m going to be single for the rest of my life. The pressure to look for someone is killing me.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Kageyama agreed, “I’m really bad at… dating.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Hinata answered with a laugh.

“…It’s kind of late,” Kageyama said, “I’m going tomorrow morning to help Kenji practice some.”

“Oh that sounds fun. Maybe I could join you.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“…I’ll get the lights,” Hinata said, crawling out of bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Hinata woke up, chest down, his shirt lined with the smallest bit of perspiration, sticking to the sheet and Kageyama. His leg was wrapped over one of Kageyama’s, one foot poking out of the blanket. Kageyama had a hand on his back, tracing crescents around Hinata’s shoulder blades with his thumb.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice muffled by the pillow.

“About eight,” Kageyama answered, his head shifted to speak into Hinata’s hair.

“That’s earllly.”

“I mean, not really. We used to be at school for practice before the sun was even starting to rise.”

“I guess,” Hinata replied, sitting up and wiping dried drool off the corner of his mouth.

Kageyama crawled out of bed, going to the bathroom to wash his face. As soon as he was gone, Hinata fell back into the bed, letting his eyes drift closed. He was so tired, not in the way where he needed sleep, but in the way where his mind needed to stop running. As soon as he woke up he had been hit with the reality that he felt so comfortable there, half on top of Kageyama. Everything was so easy with Kageyama, and it killed him, because it really wasn’t.

As good as he felt last night, having Kageyama pet his hair and watch brilliant dramas with him, the reality that Kageyama had been successful couldn’t help but cross his mind. He wished it was ok. Hinata wished he could tell Kageyama that he forgave him—that there was nothing to forgive—and that they could call each other on the phone, and maybe meet up for lunch sometimes, and perhaps Kageyama could spend the night.

That wasn’t possible though. He knew he was just in a nostalgic, post-volleyball state of mind. When his mind was too pressed with the resentment, he could push back with a _but he tossed to you_ and he could convince himself that they were invincible once again. After this weekend though, when Hinata would inevitably fade back into avoiding the “V” word at all cost, he would also have to go back to avoiding any thoughts of Kageyama.

“Is it just going to be you and Kenji?” Hinata asked, stepping into the bathroom where Kageyama was drying his face with a towel. He looked over himself in the mirror, trying to fix his hair, which sat flat only on half of his head.

“I think so,” Kageyama answered, starting to brush his teeth.

 

“You know, brushing your teeth with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone,” Hinata had said to Kageyama one day when he spent the night at Kageyama’s.

“Is that true?” Kageyama asked, dubious.

“Yeah, it’s like, number four. Butt sex, 69ing, suck and blow, and then brushing your teeth together.”

Kageyama nearly choked on his water. “You’re so lewd Hinata!”

“I’m just being honest! It’s hard to get more intimate than butt sex.”

“Oh my gosh Hinata, please stop talking. I can’t exactly share a bed with you if you’re going to keep talking about stuff like that.”

“What, you’ve got a problem with butt sex?” Hinata had framed it as a joke, but in reality he was sort of worried. They had never talked about anything like that before; they had never talked about anything that might lead to Hinata admitting that he wasn’t actually straight. He hadn’t told anyone really, and was only just beginning to realize it himself. The fact that Tanaka’s muscles now appealed to him as much as Kiyoko’s, well, everything, was the first indicator that girl’s weren’t the only thing on his mind anymore, but besides that romantic waters were still left untested by all genders.

“I’ve got a problem with talking about stuff like that,” Kageyama said, his voice sounding like he was telling a secret.

“Why’s that?” Hinata asked. _Just say it,_ he kept thinking, _just admit you have a problem with people being… not straight. Just say it so I can deal with it now._

“Sex freaks me out,” Kageyama had said it so quickly that Hinata had almost missed it. There was an edge to his voice, something that made Hinata know that this was something serious. It wasn’t just that he didn’t like talking about it with people, or that he felt awkward with Hinata addressing it, but rather the most basic meaning. Sex freaks Kageyama out.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize… I won’t bring it up again then,” Hinata replied, unsure if he needed to say any more.

“…You don’t think that’s weird?” Kageyama had asked him, staring into the sink at a glob of neon teal toothpaste that hadn’t made it down the drain.

“I mean, it might not be normal, but that’s not… that’s not weird that you’re not normal. I mean, I’m not normal like that either. I think I like all kinds of people.”

“I know,” said Kageyama, looking at Hinata, his face relaxed.

“What?” Hinata answered dumbly.

“I know that you’re not straight. I thought it was obvious?”

“Oh… I mean, it’s not obvious to me?” Hinata answered, “I’m kind of still figuring it out for myself.”

“Yeah well you’ve kind of been ogling at Tanaka lately. It was kind of easy to pick up on.”

“Oh my gosh do you think he noticed? Does he think I’m a creep? I should apologize immediately! I didn’t mean to be weird or anything I just kind of space out sometimes,” Hinata said, hopping up to sit on the counter while Kageyama washed his face. Why was his routine so long? Hinata could never imagine spending so much on personal maintenance, although, he was the kind of guy that barely remembered to brush his teeth at night.

“Relax,” Kageyama said, “I don’t know if they noticed. He’s not that observant, and I’m sure if anyone was going to mention it to him than you’d have heard about it already, you know?”

 

“Kageyama what am I even supposed to wear if I go with you?” Hinata whined, “I can’t wear what I wore yesterday, and I can’t wear your clothes.”

“Why can’t you wear my clothes?”

“Because I don’t trust the minds of teenage boys.”

“Fair,” Kageyama said, beginning to rifle through his bag, “Try this, it’s smaller, and wear it with the shorts you wore yesterday. That’s not so weird.”

“Uh…I don’t want to wear this Kageyama,” Hinata said, glancing at the shirt.

“What’s the matter with it?” he asked, his frustration clear in his voice.

“It’s from your volleyball team,” Hinata said, his voice falling quietly. He held it out in front of him, his head down. Kageyama snatched it out of his hands quickly with a mumbled apology. They couldn’t escape it. Hinata couldn’t pretend that this feeling of jealousy toward Kageyama would ever go away. Even just touching that shirt had made his fingertips burn with disappointment and anger. Why did he even bring that this weekend? Had he been meaning to rub it in his face like he had the day before? At least yesterday it had just been a University shirt, not one specific to the volleyball team that Hinata had so desperately wanted to be on. 

“I… I’ll just head home Kageyama. Maybe if other people show up you could text me and I’ll come out, but it seems kind of silly to go when it’s just going to be you setters, and I just… Well it’d just be best if I go home first and get my own clothes and everything.”

“Right… I suppose that’s right,” Kageyama answered, “Um, well, I’ll see you later then.”

“Yeah, goodbye Kageyama.”

***

He felt like banging his head against the pavement his entire bike home. What was that? He should have just gone. How could he have let things settle into that goodbye? With embarrassment and awkwardness flooding his veins he didn’t even want to go back to Karasuno that day, but after that lame goodbye he couldn’t exactly lock himself in his room all day either. He had to have his proper closure.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he did his best to wrestle it out while still biking, but eventually settled on having to pull over and walk the bike while he talked.

“Hey Hinata!” came Yachi’s voice over the phone.

“Oh hey there,” he called back, trying his best to sound chipper, “Where’ve you been?”

“I had to pick up a shift for work. It was the worst thing ever and I’m still mad about it, but what can you do?” Yachi said, “But anyway, how’s it been? Did you guys beat the kids?”

“Yeah, just barely,” Hinata replied, “Uh, Kageyama wasn’t there until the second set, but as soon as he got there we were basically unstoppable.”

“Well you two make a great team,” Yachi answered, her voice becoming a bit too happy sounding, “…And Kageyama? Was it nice to see him?”

“Ah… I guess, yeah it is.”

He felt like his body was split in two. Half of him was crying out for him to run back, to stay in that gymnasium playing as long as he could, and to spend the remaining hours of his life lying in bed with his partner. The other part of him told him to run, to never come back to Karasuno, to never see a volleyball again, to never so much as think of Kageyama. He wanted to have his whole life again, or forget it completely. As it stood now, it was haunting him, tempting him with the idea that all could be as it was. Nostalgia would be the death of him. 

“Did you talk much?” Yachi asked, perhaps knowing that she was prying.

“Yeah. We weren’t able to talk much there, but, um, I stayed the night with him.”

He had to hold the phone away while she squealed. “Oh I’m so glad! It’s just like old times Hinata! I remember when you first told me about how you guys—“

“Yachi,” Hinata said, trying to make himself sound stern, “It wasn’t… I mean, it wasn’t happy the whole time, you know? Sometimes it felt horrible.”

“Oh… I’m sorry. I… did you guys have a fight?”

“No, I just… I’m still dealing with things. Trying to tell myself it’s not his fault even when I want it to be.”

“Right… That must be really hard for you… And for him too, of course.”

“Nothings hard for Kaegayama,” Hinata said, finally letting his true feelings spill out, “You know Kageyama. He’s a natural genius, and he’s got the look too. That ‘determined volleyball player’ look that someone like me or Nishinoya could never have, no matter how much he spikes up his hair. Asahi and Daichi have that look, but they’re not that crazy prodigy like Kageyama is. He’s like some perfect volleyball dream boy. Everything is easy for him.”

“No it’s not,” replied Yachi, her voice firm, yet not scolding.

“Yachi, you don’t have to defend him.”

“I’m not. There are a lot of things that come really difficult to Kageyama. He had to keep his GPA up at University to stay in the volleyball program. Plus, he was at a whole new school, just like you, but unlike you, Kageyama is really bad at making friends. Maybe you don’t remember since you’ve only seen him around the same 15 or so people, but it must have been really hard from him. I bet he wanted you to be there with him a lot.”

“Yeah well…That’s not the same thing Yachi.”

“People’s bad experiences don’t have to all match up perfectly Hinata. I mean, you have all the reason to be upset, and I know that you know that it’s not really Kageyama’s fault, but I’m sure it’s really weird for him since he can’t share any of his burdens with you without thinking they’re trifles compared to what you’re going through.”

“Ahhh, Yachi, You’re too wise. How am I supposed to keep being bitter when you make such good points?”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way,” Yachi said, laughing.

*** 

From Bakayama  
 _Akira and the two giants are here to. Come if you can, you’re a much better instructor than I am._

Hinata was already changed into his black v-neck and pink (once white) shorts, keys in hand, ready to head out. He didn’t need Kageyama to tell him more people were going; he was pulled there already, the red ties of their partnership pulling him along.

To Bakayama  
 _Be there soon!_

He wanted to see Kageyama again, and yet he never wanted to have to look at him. It was like those first few weeks at University, texts exchanged with empty promises.

 

_You want to skype?_

_Yeah sure._

_Oh nvm the wifi is acting up. Maybe another time._

The one time they did actually have a proper call made them both aware that they should have lied once again.

“Hey,” Kageyama had said. He was sitting on his bed, his legs pulled up against his chest with his laptop angled up at a horrible angle. There was a bulletin board up behind his head, displaying a practice schedule, a few medals from their past tournaments, a picture of the two of them, a picture of the team, and a one of the drawings that Natsu had so proudly given him. It was of the three of them, but only Natsu had a proper face. Kageyama and Hinata’s heads were just volleyballs with hair. 

“Long time no see,” Hinata had replied, plastering on a smile.

“…Your room looks dark.”

“Oh, we only have the fairy lights on. My roommate has a headache.”

“He’s home?”

“Yeah? Um… do you want to meet him?”

“No, that’s all right. …Now you can’t tell me all about him.”

“Right…” Hinata answered, not knowing how to respond. Perhaps to Hinata the relationship was already too far gone. What was the point of talking about his roommate? What was the point of any of it really? _Kageyama won’t care,_ he kept thinking, _Kageyama has more important things to worry about._

“…My roommate is absolutely crazy,” Kageyama said, trying to pull the conversation together, “His name is Akito and all he does is play dating sims and pretend he’s good at giving advice. He thinks he’s some sort of guru.”

“That’s funny,” Hinata said, his hand running through his hair. _I miss you doing that Kageyama._ “Has he tried to make you play any of the games yet?”

“No, but sometimes he decides to hook his laptop up to the TV and make me watch him play it.” _Remember when we played dumb games together? How we couldn’t play Just Dance because you got too mad when I would beat you and that one time you threw the wii remote at the screen?_ “There was this really ridiculous one where you’re trying to date birds and he accidentally dated the ghost bird and so you can’t be together because, right, it’s a ghost. A ghost bird. It was sad though? I didn’t expect to get so attached to a ghost bird.”

“I can imagine,” Hinata said, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly.

“So…um… You had that econ exam, didn’t you? How did that go?” _We should just give up Kageyama._

“Oh I don’t know… There were a lot of graphs.”

“Yeah, you’re really bad at graphs.”

“Kageyama!”

“Ah! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!” _Don’t apologize Kageyama; that was the most real part of our conversation so far. Please don’t say you’re sorry._

“Don’t worry about it Kageyama,” he said, “You’re not wrong. Supply and demand graphs are literally straight out of hell. You’d think they’d just be simple positive or negative lines, but no, they’re all crazy and there are roofs and floors and they’re like reverse of what you’d think they’d be and I hate it.”

“That sounds really shitty I’m so sorry,” Kageyama said, and he looked sorry too. _Stop that. It doesn’t matter to you. Just tell me that I just have to suck it up and do it. Stop caring Kageyama._

“Yeah, it’ll be fine though. I’ve got this study group I go to sometimes and that’s making things easier.”

“That’s good…”

“…How’s volleyball?” Hinata said, suiciding the conversation. 

“Oh… uh… it’s going well,” Kageyama said, his eyes unable to focus on the screen in front of him, “Everyone on the team is really good, but it’s kind of weird playing with all new people.” _All new better players. A better ace probably. You’ve got better friends too, right?_

“I’m sure it’s really different than Karasuno,”

“Yeah, it is…”

“Um… so the dining hall closes in an hour and I don’t want to be that asshole who gets there at the last minute”

“All right,” said Kageyama, looking defeated, “I’ll let you go then.” _Its better that you do._

 

“Good morning everyone!” Hinata said, walking into the gym. Kageyama and Kenji were already working on tosses together, while Akira practiced spikes against one of the walls and the two tall towers went over receive techniques together.

“Good morning Hinata!” Akira said, turning with a bright smile to wave.

“Hey, you two should show us that killer quick again,” Kenji declared.

“Oh sure,” Hinata replied, “Just let me stretch out a little first.”

Kageyama gave a nod, and Hinata went to stretching. Down to the right. Down to the left. To the middle. Right over left. Switch. Right foot back. Left. Arm across chest. Switch. Arm behind your back. Switch. Frog. Playboys. 

“Hey Hinata,” Akira said, jogging over to him, “Do you need someone to do calves and shoulders with?” Her hair was pulled up into a little bun at the top of her head, the bun portion all pink and the pulled back part all brown because of her roots.

“Sure,” Hinata answered, pressing his toes against Akira’s and leaning forward slightly, “You’re hair looks really cool like that, by the way.”

“Ha, thank you,” Akira replied, turning her head to watch Kageyama and Kenji practice, “It’s really bad right now. I need to re-dye it soon.”

“No it looks really cool! Back in high school my friend Kenma, he played for Nekoma, had hair kind of like that and he looked really cool!”

“You had a friend on Nekoma?” Akira asked as they switched feet, “Isn’t that, like, forbidden?”

“What? No way! We were all really close with people on Nekoma,” Hinata replied, “Well, maybe not Kageyama, but he’s really bad at making friends so that’s kind of his own fault.”

“That’s so weird,” Akira said in disbelief, “Tsukishima always acts like Nekoma is public enemy number one.”

“Oh well he hates them out of love. You know how Tsukishima is.”

“I guess. …We’re actually playing a practice match with them not this Friday but the next one,” Akira said as they grabbed hands to do shoulder stretches, “You should come watch. I really think we have a chance of beating them this year.”

“Yeah! That sounds awesome! I’ll try really hard to get off work. It’ll be really fun to watch you guys—uh, watch you homies play a proper match.”

“You all were a proper match,” Akira insisted, “I mean, you beat us after all. It’d be kind of an insult to us to say you weren’t a real match.”

“Yeah but we had Kageyama,” Hinata said, almost dejected, “And Tsukishima knew your strategy.”

“Yeah, that was kind of cheating,” Akira agreed with a smile.

“Hurry up!” Kenji called.

Hinata grinned and took off running, giving Kageyama practically no time to prepare himself, but knowing that this was the only real way to show off their quick. It wasn’t anything to stand there, jump, and spike—any good player could do that even at Kageyama’s speed if they had enough practice—but it was the rash decisions of their quick that made it so incredible. It was the fact that they had to rely on each other, that there was no way they could do this solely on their own ability. They needed each other, they weren’t good enough on their own, and that’s what made them invincible.

“Bring it here!”

Almost immediately it was tucked into the curve of his hand, pushing against his skin as he bore down on it, letting it fly to the ground with all the force he could put behind his swing.

“Gwahhhh! Good one Kageyama!” Hinata said, grinning, “I wasn’t sure you’d get it in time.”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m always going to be there for you Hinata.”

“Right…”

“That was fucking incredible,” Kenji said, “How the hell do you do it?”

“Ah, well Kageyama is just really good at accuracy—“

“And Hinata has really good reflexes.”

“I used to do it with my eyes closed! I had to trust Kageyama to get the ball right to my hand. I mean, he can still do that, but I can open my eyes now so that I can give the ball better direction.”

“…Can I try?” asked Akira, stepping onto the court.

“Oh, uh, sure,” Kageyama replied, “Do you want it that quickly?”

“Yeah, I want to see if it’s really as amazing as it looks,” Akira admitted, tucking a strand of hair into a bobby pin near the bun.

“All right, whenever you’re ready.”

Akira jumped, and the ball soared toward her with all the speed and accuracy that Kageyama was known for.

“Ah, crap,” Akira hissed, sucking on the end of her fingers that were barely grazed as the ball flew and fell near her, “That’s even more impressive than I thought. It’s so damn fast, even when I was sure I was ready it was too fast for me.”

“It’s fucking amazing that you can set like that,” Kenji said, “Where the hell did you learn that?”

“Uh… Just practice really,” Kageyama pointed out, “I kind of did things out of order and tried to focus on speed first, but if you just focus on being accurate, then you can work on the speed after. Practice accuracy first, then follow it up with the speed. It’s best that way too because just as you get a little bit faster each time, your spikers will get a little bit better at dealing with quick sets. When I was on my University team…I um… Well…” 

He had suddenly gone nervous, realizing his mistake. Kageyama was staring straight at the court line, clutching the volleyball in his hand as he stuttered along, unable to start his story properly. 

“I’m going to grab some water, you guys keep talking,” Hinata said, mercifully bowing out of the conversation. Kageyama took a deep breath, one that he must have been holding out of fear for his friend, and went back to his anecdote as Hinata forced himself not to listen, not wanting the bitterness to sink in. Not now. Not in front of the team. Not on a court. 

He pretended to get water that he really didn’t need at this point, waiting a little bit longer than he thought the story could take before heading back over to the group.

“What’s the real mark of a good setter,” Kageyama was saying when Hinata returned, “Isn’t how good they set, but how well they listen to their teammates. That… That actually took me really long to learn, but I think I’m much better than I was.”

“Kageyama was the worrrrrst before I got to him,” Hinata added with a toothy grin, “He couldn’t set to anyone but Tanaka really. I broke some of that Kingly nature of his though.”

“The Merlin to his Arthur,” Akira suggested.

“Yes! Just like that! I’m the super cool wizard guy and he’s just the butthead that thinks he knows everything.”

“That’s not true!” Kageyama objected, “I mean, it’s more like I’m Arthur and you’re like… something really lame. You’re like… Morgana.”

“Morgana is evil though!”

“Ok then you’re like…Lancelot? He can’t be as cool as Arthur, right?”

“Lancelot literally steals Arthur’s girlfriend,” pointed out one of the taller boys as they finally made their way over to join the group.

“Oh…” Kageyama said dejectedly, “Well Hinata is just like… He’s probably just a normal peasant then.”

“What?” Hinata asked, his eyebrow quirking up slightly as he crossed his arms, “Couldn’t make it into the royal court like some people? Couldn’t afford the perks of some people? Can’t be a knight just because my blood isn’t good enough?”

“I didn’t mean,” Kageyama groaned, “Fine, you can be Merlin, that’s fine.”

Hinata didn’t know why he had gotten so upset. Sure, Kageyama was inconsiderate, but Hinata knew he was just reading into what he said. He knew that Kageyama didn’t mean it that way, but his heart was so quick to twist it into a brag. Really he wanted to be happy about it. Shouyo wanted to be able to revel in Kageyama’s teasing, trying to remember what it was like when they made fun of each other like that before. 

“Yeah, but doesn’t Arthur, like, die?” asked the other tall boy.

“I think so,” the former tall boy answered, “Arthur dies and then Merlin lives forever waiting for him.”

“That’s… That’s really sad,” said Hinata.

“I agree…” replied Kageyama, “I’m glad I’m Arthur now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hinata asked, not knowing why he should be offended, but knowing that he should be.

“Well… I know it’d be really hard to be waiting for someone you’re really close to come back. What’s he supposed to do without his best friend?”

“I mean, maybe, but he gets to be alive? That’s clearly better than being dead, whether you have your friend there or not,” Hinata answered.

“But… I’m just saying if Arthur’s really dead than at least he doesn’t have to feel that… longingness.”

“Yeah, instead he gets to feel just deadness.”

“You guys are really fucking intense. About everything,” Kenji said.

“It’s kind of unnecessary,” one of the tall ones added.

“Rude,” was all Hinata’s reply.

He liked playing with this little group. He liked watching Kageyama fumble with how to demonstrate his techniques to others, just like he did when they were third years. He liked seeing the face Kenji would make after Akira would high five him a bit too hard. He liked flying through the air, spiking the ball to the ground, and feeling the joy reverberate in his fingertips. It was even fun to have the towers (whose names he learned to be Mamoru and Hideo) work on trying to block him, and having to try to find a way to outsmart them and their wall. 

“Do you guys have time to go get lunch with us?” Kenji asked, as they headed to the club room.

“Uh… Well I don’t know—“

“Oh come on Kageyama,” Hinata insisted with a smile. He was finally able to face Kageyama without his self-degradation sneaking in, and he didn’t want to lose that. This normalcy was all he had been craving for the past ten years. The comfort and the teasing and the fingers that found their way to his hair whenever his spikes were particularly brilliant. “You don’t have to be home until tomorrow right? You can stay longer.”

“I… Well I guess,” Kageyama answered.

“Yeah! We should treat these kids to something really yummy!” Hinata said.

“Oh you don’t have to—“

“Nonsense Akira! It’s our job as Karasuno veterans to spoil the team, especially when they work so hard like you guys!”

“You really don’t have to though,” Akira added.

“Don’t worry about it Akira,” Kageyama said sternly.

“It’s like when you get treated by your aunt and uncle,” Mamoru mumbled to Hideo. Hinata just barely heard it, but he ignored it, or he tried to. He couldn’t help but have the hint of a smile.

 

In their third year Kageyama and Hinata had gotten the nickname “aunt and uncle” quite a bit. The first and second years loved to declare that Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were the new mom and dad of the team (They actually liked to call Yamaguchi dad and Tsukishima mom, since Tsukishima had the sort of intense glare that only moms could do. It always ticked him off, and so they only did it more.) and after a while they got tired of merely just teasing those two.

“Ahh, if Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are mom and dad, does that make Hinata and Kageyama our aunt and uncle?” one of the second years had asked one day. Kageyama had turned an adorable shade of cherry blossom pink and promptly turned away from the situation.

“Gwahhh! Why can’t we just both be uncles?” Hinata had asked, slightly confused at the implication, thinking they had just meant that they were both meant to be uncles by blood relation.

“Because you’re like a married couple stupid,” one of the particularly rude second years had said.

“Hahaahahaha, that’s ridiculous,” Hinata said, despite his blush, “Kageyama and I aren’t anything like that.”

“Are you kidding me?” asked the person who had first insisted on their new relationship, “You fight all the time, you’re never apart, you always have to be right, you rely on each other, you share water since one of you always seems to forget it. You’re just like a married couple.”

Hinata had felt insulted the first time anyone had said something like that, but now it just seemed to mean that their relationship was once again back to normal, at least for a little while, and that was all Hinata could have asked for really.

 

They ended up bumping knees in the corner booth of a pizza place, fighting for pieces of the best pizzas.

“Aw! Kageyama you already had two pieces of barbeque chicken, that’s not fair! You can’t have three you pizza hog,” Hinata would proclaim.

“I’ve only had one!”

“Kageyama there are two wasted crusts on your plate right now don’t try and lie to me.”

“It’s not what you think!”

It continued merrily like this with really unimportant subjects, until Akira finally shifted the conversation to something less then pleasant. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t know, but as soon as she had opened her mouth Hinata could feel his heart break. He had to keep it together, not wanting to be a burden on the group, but it wasn’t easy.

“So I’ve been looking at what universities I’d want to apply to lately. Was it really hard to get into the one you did Kageyama?” Akira asked, leaning forward on her elbow.

“Um… yeah, definitely. There were a lot of really amazing players who didn’t get in,” Kageyama said, looking anywhere but at Hinata, “It’s a really tough school, but… I enjoyed my time there as much as I could. It was really hard going from a team as close as Karasuno to a whole new team, but I think we had a really good bond there too, eventually… At least some of us did.”

“I… I kind of have this problem,” Akira said, mumbling along, “Where I want to be in the best program I can be, but I think I’d probably be accepted easier if I apply as a boy… It was really scary when I had to tell the team here, I didn’t even tell them until second year, and it freaks me out that I may have to do that all over again. I just… I can’t stand the idea of not playing volleyball. It’s as much a part of me as the fact that I’m a girl, y’know?”

“I mean, it kind of depends on why you play volleyball,” Kageyama said slowly, carefully, “I think my favorite part of volleyball is really connecting with the team, and I don’t know if I’d still want to play without that, so if I were you I’d try my best to be myself.”

“Ah, I don’t think Kageyama understands really though,” Hinata butt in, unable to keep quiet, “I didn’t get to play a lot in middle school, and… and I didn’t really get to play much after high school either, and I think… I think it really hurts to be away from the court. So… I mean, I really want you to be able to play on the team you belong on, it’s not that I think you should be on a boys’ team or anything, but I think you should find a way to play volleyball at any cost. And… and it’s not like you don’t have fun on the Karasuno boys’ team, right? If they’re really good players they’ll accept you like Karasuno did, and they’ll treat you right.”

“Hinata, it’s not always like that in college,” Kageyama said, “A lot of times you’re playing with people who used to be on the other side of the net. It’s not like you’re some perfect team that all fits together.”

“We weren’t some perfect team that fit together perfectly either,” Hinata reminded Kageyama, “Neither of us wanted to play with each other, but it was worth it to pretend like we liked each other to get back in that gymnasium again.”

“Yeah but…”

“This really isn’t the time for that sort of talk,” Hideo interjected cooly, “You’re going to make Akira even more nervous about college.”

“Oh! Uh, no I’d rather have them speak to me truthfully,” Akira said, waving her hands in front of her face, “It’s no big deal if they argue like this.”

“Gaahhhh, no! I’m so sorry Akira! I just like telling Kageyama when he’s wrong. Which is always. I’m sorry, I really… I really don’t know that much about going to University. I should have kept my mouth shut. I’m sorry.”

His brain was fuming, pulling any guilt onto Kageyama. _We bring out the worst in each other_ he kept thinking, despite the fact that he knew that wasn’t true. Together they were able to play volleyball incredibly, and they were able to laugh and make each other feel comfortably. _We bring out the worst in each other._ The idea wouldn’t leave his mind, no matter how hard he tried to push it back. It was like when you watch a bad horror film, one that you could laugh all the way through, yet as soon as you try to go bed you feel like the killer is lingering behind your closed door or in the corner of your window. 

“Yes Akira, we’re very sorry,” Kageyama said, his voice low, “We weren’t focused. …Um, if you ever have more questions about university you could text me.”

Hinata was thankful as the conversation quickly changed from University to exchanging numbers to “Woah your phone is so cool!” and “Is that a Hunter Hunter background? Did you like the original or the revamp version?”

“You want to know a secret about Tsukishima?” Hinata asked, grinning.

“Abso-fucking-loutely” Kenji answered grinning.

“You’ve all got to promise it doesn’t leave this group, all right? It’s top secret information. Hush hush.”

“We promise,” Mamoru agreed as they all leaned in to listen to Hinata’s whisper.

“All right, well when we were in our second year Yamaguchi accidentally let it slip to me that Tsukishima’s favorite anime is one of those nineties shoujo animes, Fruits Basket.”

“Oh my gosh,” Kenji said, laughing into his hand.

“Figures,” said Hideo, “Isn’t that the one where the tsundere character gets the sweet helpful hardworking girl in the end? That’s so like Tsukishima.”

“I think my older sister read Fruits Basket,” Akira said, “She said it was really good, but I think that’s the one where all this crazy stuff happens like one of the main interests saying he thinks of the girl as his mom.”

“Oh. My. Gosh.” Kenji repeated.

“Now remember, you really can’t tell anyone,” Hinata repeated, “Or else poor me will most likely die a premature death. It will be truly a tragic incident.”

“And Yamaguchi as well,” Kageyama added, “Since he’s the one who told you.”

“Tsukishima would never be able to murder his sweet Yamaguchi,” Mamoru said, “He’s too enamored.”

“Yeah, it’s really weird how they always insist that they’re not dating even though they never fucking stop touching each other. I swear, that game against you guys was probably the longest amount of time I’ve seen them go without brushing up against each other, pretending that they’re being subtle or something.”

“I don’t know why they don’t just come out with it,” Akira admitted, “I mean, it’s not like we’ll be surprised or dislike them if they’re together. It’s kind of worse when it feels like they’re keeping it from us.”

“It shouldn’t be the school thing either,” Hideo added, “I mean, I know back in the day they might have been able to hold it over Tsukishima that he’s gay, but now? They wouldn’t be able to do anything no matter how much the parents complained without expecting a rather large law suit.”

“I guess,” Mamoru added, “It might be weird for them to go to training camps with us then. You know, if they were being all couple-y and staying in the building with us it might be weird.”

“Bull shit,” Kenji said, “I mean, they let parents chaperone trips all the time. My mom and dad went with us on our class trip to Tokyo last year and no one thought that was weird except me. Why should it be any different just because it’s two men?”

“Maybe it’s not a situation like that at all,” Kageyama said, “They still could just be scared of each other, you know? Like… scared to say it, or scared it might still go away. I don’t know. Relationships are weird.”

“Oh my gosh I knowww,” Kenji said, “I fucking hate dating. Did I tell you guys yet about how, ok, so last week this girl and I went to see a movie and I thought it went pretty well, right? She was cute, I was cute, it was great. I mean, I wouldn’t marry her on the spot or anything, but I liked her and wanted to get to know her. Then all of a sudden she’s ignoring me and when she finally talks to me she says she can’t see me anymore because her dad said that I ‘look menacing’ and I’m just like what the literal fuck?”

“That’s terrible,” Akira said, stealing the crust that had long been forgotten on Kageyama’s plate.

“I know, right? Like don’t use your dad as an excuse like that. That’s really shitty. I mean, if her dad had an actual problem with me, or if I had said more to him then ‘I’m here to pick up Rin,’ then I could understand it, but as it is she’s just being a total bitch.”

“Ahhh, that’s not quite fair,” Hinata said, “I just mean, you should be mad at the dad, not her, right? I mean, she must be feeling a lot of things and it’s very hard to realize when one of your parents isn’t acting very well.”

“Yeah…” Kageyama agreed, “Even if you had really liked her then, I mean, you should just give her time. It’s really hard, especially when you’ve never questioned your parents before, to tell them that you don’t think they’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know if I mentioned but Kenji is half Japanese, half African American. His mom doesn't speak almost any Japanese, so she just calls him Ken. I'm a little obsessed with the new Karasuno I created. If I could draw I would have thousands of pictures of Akira.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter is starting with a flashback)

Kageyama had never been in a worse situation in his life than when he sat eating take out with Hinata in the living room, chatting and not paying attention to the news that his parents were watching. 

“Just a few hours ago the first civil union between a same-sex couple took place right her—“

Kageyama’s father groaned, tapping his chopsticks together as he spoke.

“It’s just ridiculous. They’ve got to throw disgusting stuff like that all in our faces? And between two women as well! What’ll be next? A man trying to marry his dog? I thought our nation would escape this liberality, but no, here it is, the grotesque culture of the west banging down on our doorstep. I can’t believe it.”

Hinata’s face had scrunched up, his lips pursed, eyebrows drawn, but his eyes looked more sad then angry. Kageyama was dumbstruck. His dad had said stuff like this before, but never so harshly and never in front of Hinata. He had hoped that Hinata would never have to know this part of his father. Kageyama had thought that if he could ignore it then it wouldn’t exist.

He didn’t know what to do really, and just sat there, looking slightly horrified, unable to eat while his dad spouted such hate.

“H-hey Kageyama,” Hinata finally said, his voice almost a whisper, “Can we eat up in your room?”

“Yeah!” Kageyama replied, a bit too forcefully, ushering Hinata to his room, only speaking again once they were behind closed door, “I’m so sorry. He’s… My dad is really thoughtless when it comes to stuff like that and… I should have said something to him. I’m the worst friend in the world I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Hinata, sitting on Kageyama’s bed, “You don’t pick your parents.”

“I know, but I should have said something… I should have told him he was wrong.”

“No, I’d really rather you didn’t. I mean, it felt bad enough hearing him say stuff like that just casually, but watching you two shout about it would have been even worse. Plus if you had let it slip that I was—I mean I want to make sure that I can keep spending time with you. So it’s ok for you to keep quiet. Just… just maybe warn me if he’s going to be around.”

“Yeah, of course,” Kageyama replied, still pacing as he ate, “And… and maybe I could start saying thing when he says stuff like that.”

“Kageyama—“

“Not big things, and not when you’re here, but maybe I can just say ‘I don’t think it’s that big of a deal if they can get married,’ and that sort of thing… Baby steps.”

Hinata had smiled, one of his big grins that always made Kageyama feel relieved, like he had finally done something right. He had earned those smiles a lot while they were on the court, but it was a lot more work to find one when they were just hanging out, and every time he received one he wanted to write down what he said, to somehow make a note of what had made Hinata so happy, so that he could make him that happy more and more.

“That sounds like a nice idea Kageyama,” Hinata had answered, patting the space next to him, “Now sit down and stop stressing out. It’s me who should be freaking out, not you.”

“Fine,” Kageyama said, plopping down next to him. Every time Hinata came over he felt giddy. It was nice having someone to make jokes with while he ate, or to challenge to video games that weren’t so fun with just one person (but not Just Dance). He even liked sharing a bed with Hinata, who liked to cling to him and would rumple the covers and twist around and would always fight him for the shower in the morning. 

It wasn’t until they were already tangled under Kageyama’s plaid comforter, Kageyama’s hand stroking Hinata’s hair as Hinata rubbed circles on one of Kageyama’s arms ( _Would my dad be upset to see us like this?_ Would sometimes float through Kageyama’s mind, but he would wave it off, reminding himself that he wasn’t like Hinata) that Kageyama finally asked the question that he had wondered about for ages.

“What did your parents say? When you told them that you were…”

“I haven’t told them,” Hinata answered, not looking up at Kageyama.

“Oh… I would have thought… I mean, I know it must be scary no matter what, but your parents don’t seem intimidating or anything, and you seem to have a good relationship with them.”

“It’s… it’s not always the things you think that’s scary though. I can’t tell my mom because, gosh you’re going to make fun of me, it’s really stupid, but anyway, I’m scared to tell her because when I was eleven or something she was watching this American movie, Rent, and one of the characters had AIDS and… and they died and it really upset my mom and… And I know it wouldn’t be that she’s angry that I might end up with a guy or anything, but I’m scared she’s going to worry about stuff like that when I tell her. I don’t want her to have to worry about me.”

“She probably will worry about you regardless Hinata,” Kageyama pointed out, trying to readjust himself to a more comfortable position. How had Hinata’s knee ended up in his stomach?

“I know…” Hinata said, “But it’d just suck. Or she could be sad that I might not have any kids. I think that’d make her really sad.”

“You could adopt.”

“Yeah but when you come out to someone their first thought isn’t ‘Oh it’s fine they can just adopt,’ you know? I just… I don’t want to have to feel like my family is adjusting to me either.”

“Ah, I suppose that makes sense.”

“Yeah… I do want to tell them though… I’m just still getting used to being bisexual myself.”

“Right.”

“…Are you going to come out to your parents?” Hinata asked, and Kageyama lurched forward. He stared down at Hinata, his eyebrows pulled together as he stared down at his friend, perplexed. What was there to come out about? Kageyama wasn’t like Hinata. He said that to himself, perhaps too many times, and convinced himself that it was true. He didn’t ogle at Tanaka’s biceps, or go through Oikawa’s Instagram to see all his selfies. Kageyama didn’t think about which boys in Yowamushi Pedal were meant for each other. Yet, to be fair, here he was, lying in bed cuddled next to his best friend.

“What are you talking about?” Kageyama demanded.

“That you’re asexual.”

“That I’m what?” Kageyama had never heard the term before, and was almost certain that Hinata was insinuating that he was a plant or some sort of microbe.

“Ah… isn’t that what you meant? When you told me that sex freaks you out?”

“That I’m a plant!?”

“No stupid!” Hinata retorted, his shout almost a whisper, “that… that you don’t experience attraction to other people in a sexual way. That’s what asexual means.”

“Oh. Um? I guess?” Kageyama replied, laying back down, looking up at the ceiling, “I didn’t know there was a word for it. I thought… I thought it just hadn’t kicked in yet or something… Or that I hadn’t met the right person? I don’t know…”

“Oh…” Hinata said, “I guess you’re still figuring things out too then.”

“Yeah…”

“You know what?” Hinata said, nuzzling back under Kageyama’s arm, “Being seventeen kind of sucks.”

“Yeah, it really does,” Kageyama answered, “I can’t wait until we’re older.”

 

That memory stuck out in his mind as he took the bus back home that night. It had been nice spending the day with those kids, and even nicer to spend the day with Hinata, despite their arguments. If he could trap himself forever in this land of nostalgia and happiness, he would. If he could do nothing but lay in bed with Hinata for the rest of his life, he would. And if he could have hopped off that bus and returned to Karasuno, he would have.

But that was not the case. He’d be back at work the next day, taking calls from people that were happy, living with Akito who was also happy, and eating the same meal of salmon, rice, and kale every day at the restaurant across from his office building, The Happy Nut. 

Akito picked him up from the bus station so that he wouldn’t have to walk the way back to their apartment in the dark. He was smiling, as he always was, drumming his fingers on his steering wheel while humming along to the new EXO song that was on the radio.

“…So did you have fun?” he asked, glancing over at Kageyama. 

“Yeah,” he replied hesitantly, “It was a good time.”

“And did you see…?”

“Hinata was there.”

Akito nodded his acknowledgement, not wanting to pester his roommate. He had learned after their years in University to not bug Kageyama. Even when Akito knew that Kageyama needed to let something out, he waited for the words to finally strike him. Akito had a natural curiosity, that made it difficult to hold back his questioning, but he supposed that that was one of the many compromises of their relationship.

Kageyama finally broke at two thirty in the morning. Akito had been asleep, but Kageyama stomping off to take a shower was enough to wake him. He tried to fall back asleep, but as soon as his eyes were drifting closed, Kageyama’s pacing made its way to his ears. There was no doubt that Kageyama was the most intense person that Akito had ever met, but he certainly didn’t mind it. The majority of the time he found Kageyama’s antics to be entertaining.

It just wasn’t so interesting in the middle of the night.

“You want to talk?” Akito asked, coming out of the room, replacing his bed with the sofa as he settled in to listen to Kageyama’s tale.

“I really missed Hinata,” he said quietly, continuing to circle the coffee table. He spoke to the floor, his fingertips resting under his chin.

“I know you did,” Akito replied, “You haven’t seen him in forever.”

“But… I still hadn’t realized how much I missed him, you know? It wasn’t until I saw him that I realized how much I had… I had craved his company. When I saw him again it was so hard to leave.”

“I’m sure,” Akito said, stifling a yawn, “I mean, he was your best friend.”

“We… Well it was so nice playing volleyball together. At first I was getting frustrated because we couldn’t quite get the quick, but when we did, it was like we were just as connected as we always had been. Then we went to dinner and I couldn’t sit with him because we were sitting with the kids and, I mean, they were great, but it really really sucked. He kept smiling and I wanted to scream. Why was I so mad that he was happy?”

“Because you weren’t the one that made him smile.”

“I mean, yeah, but… I should be happy when he’s happy.”

“That’s true.”

“Maybe it’s more that… that I couldn’t smile with him, you know? I didn’t know what he was smiling at. I wanted to be happy with him.”

“That makes sense,” Akito mused, pulling one of the quilts from the couch on top of him, “Did you get to talk to him properly after that?”

“Yeah. He went back to the hotel with me…”

“Ooo, saucy.”

“Not like that! I mean, not really. We laid in bed together and cuddled and everything, but we did that back when we were friends in high school. There wasn’t anything weird about it.”

“I’m not sure I believe you,” Akito said, grinning, “You’re awfully worked up about him for this to be purely platonic.”

“I… Whether or not my feeling are platonic doesn’t change the fact that that particular instance was totally platonic.”

“Sure, sure,” Akito sat up a little bit in his victory, “I bet you didn’t ask him ahead of time just so that he’d have to borrow your clothes.”

“You’re disgusting,” Kageyama said, throwing a pillow at Akito.

“Ah, you don’t mean that,” Akito answered, “Anyway, did you talk about the break up or anything?”

“You can’t call it a break up.”

“Oh you know what I mean.”

Kageyama sighed. “Yes. I mean, he… he admitted that there was resentment since he didn’t get into a volleyball school like I did, but… he said he tried not to blame me. Yet, it’s hard for him to spend time with me? But he spent the whole day with me and didn’t seem upset. I don’t get it.”

“Well sometimes people can feel lots of things at one time. You might make him happy and upset at the same time.”

“Ok but…how do I fix it?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do I stop making him upset?”

“Maybe you can’t,” Akito said with a shrug, “I mean, sometimes there are things that are out of our control.”

***

It nagged at Kageyama for days. He thought about it when he was eating lunch, when he was making calls, when he was lying down to sleep. He couldn’t shake it off. It would pass through his mind, settling into the crevices of his thoughts, always there to distract him from what he had been doing before.

_There are things that are out of our control._

In volleyball he had always had control. As the setter it was he who made the ultimate choice on how the play would go. He determined the outcome in the play. That was his responsibility.

So when Akito had said that there might not be a way in which to truly reconcile his relationship with Hinata, he couldn’t help but struggle through the concept. Kageyama was so used to being able to change the outcome of a play that when he realized that he’d be unable to change his partner’s opinion, he was terrified. There had to be a solution, some sort of trick play that gave Kageyama the ability to change Hinata’s mind.

When he couldn’t stand it anymore, the gnawing feeling of Hinata slipping away from him once again, the urge to strategize how to work out their relationship, he finally just resolved to dive in head first. Picking up his phone, he quickly scrolled through the contacts (thankful that they have carried over from phone to phone) and found Hinata’s name.

“Hello,” came Hinata’s voice, sounding tired. Crap, it was past midnight.

“Oh… Hey, it’s Kageyama. I didn’t realize how late it was… I can call back in the morning.”

“No your fine,” Hinata answered with a yawn, “Did you need something?”

“No, I just… I just missed you.”

“Oh… I missed you too. How have you been the past couple of days?”

Did he really miss him? Was that just what he had to say since Kageyama had said it first? He clearly had not planned this phone call carefully enough. He wanted to hang up, call back tomorrow fresh with pre-planned conversation topics and Akito there to advise him through the conversation. There was no way Kageyama could get through this unscathed. It’d be just like last time, where he fumbled trying to find some common ground between them, only left with an unresponsive, uninterested Hinata. 

“Oh I’ve been fine.” Shit, that wasn’t good enough. “Just working.” That wasn’t any better.

“Me too,” Hinata replied, “today we had this soccer team of 10 year old girls come in. It was crazy, but absolutely adorable. They had just won their match so they were celebrating and all the moms were talking about how their daughter was definitely the best or whatever. It was a little bit ridiculous.”

“Sounds like it,” Kageyama said, trying frantically to think of something to add to the conversation.

“Yeah, and there was broth flying everywhere and crumbled egg yolk all over the floor. It was a nightmare to clean up.”

“I bet,” he said, maybe a bit nervous, “I’m glad I don’t have to do stuff like that.”

“Yeah? Is calling easy? It’s crazy to me that you have a job where you’re literally employed to talk to people all day. It sounds like your worst nightmare.”

“I mostly read off a script.”

“Ahhh, that makes sense. Do you have a super ridiculous calling voice?”

“I don’t know, probably.”

“C’mon, let’s hear it then.”

“Uh… Hello, my name is Kageyama, how are you doing today? Wonderful. Well I’m calling for a couple of different reasons—“

“Oh my gosh, that’s hysterical,” Hinata replied, his laughter quiet, presumably not to wake his sister, “Your voice went up like three octaves.”

“So it sounds kind of like yours then,” Kageyama answered, unable to stop himself.

“Gwahhh! You’re mean Kageyama!”

“You were making fun of me already!”

“Making fun of your phone voice is very different than making fun of your actual voice Bakayama! You’re the absolute worst.”

It was nice to hear him say that when he didn’t mean it.

“Am not!”

“You are. And you’re going to wake up your roommate.”

“Akito can sleep through anything once he’s been asleep for more than an hour. Once in college the fire alarm went off and he didn’t wake up. It took all I had to get him out of t  
the building.”

“You were his hero,” Hinata answered.

“He certainly didn’t feel that way. The next day he was so tired it was terrible. He ended up taking a five hour nap and then staying up too late the next night. His sleep scheduled was messed up for three weeks.”

“That poor thing.”

Kageyama hummed his response, his fingers twiddling around the hair behind his ears. 

“Speaking of sleep schedules though,” Hinata interrupted, “It is pretty late. I should really get some sleep before work tomorrow.”

“Oh sure, no problem,” Kageyama said.

“It was good to talk to you though… I can’t remember the last time we talked on the phone.”

“It was when they legalized same-sex marriage a couple of years ago,” Kageyama said, not missing a beat, “I called you to offer my congratulations.” 

He had wanted to see his smile, to hear his exclamations, to tell him just how happy he was for him.

“Oh, that’s right,” replied Hinata with a laugh, “I had forgotten.”

“Really?” Kageyama asked. 

“Yeah, well I was pretty drunk when you called.”

“You were?”

“Mmhm. Me and some of my friends from work were celebrating.”

“Oh… I hadn’t realized.”

“Yeah, I mean, what else are you supposed to do when you can finally marry whomever you please but don’t have someone you want to marry yet?”

“That makes sense…” Kageyama answered.

“Right, well, goodnight Kageyama. I’ll see you at the Nekoma game, right?”

“I’m going to try to get off work, but I make no promises.”

“Then I’ll see you whenever I see you.”

“Right. ‘Night.”

“Goodnight.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter also starts with a flashback oh my gosh why am i so obsessed with flash backs?)

That night so many years ago when Kageyama had called Hinata, he had already been on his fourth glass of wine. He was laying on the couch of his friend’s apartment, his head resting in the boy’s lap. Gruff fingers kneaded into his hair. It wasn’t like the slender fingers that he was so accustomed to, but it was better than nothing. 

“I want to get married, like, right now,” said a girl, Makoto, sitting cross legged on the floor. Her hair was parted in the middle, framing her round face. 

“I’ll marry you,” Hinata offered, looking over at her. She was pretty, with striking eyes and pastel outfits like something a girl group would wear. At work she always wore those over the knee socks, shielding her muscular calves and highlighting the curves of her thighs.

“Not you,” she whined, sipping from her mug, “A girl. Like, a really pretty one, but like, pretty everywhere, you know?”

“Like, everywhere?” the boy with the grubby fingers asked lewdly.

“No! I mean, yeah, but I mean that she has to be pretty and, like, nice or whatever.”

“I can call my friend Yachi,” Hinata said, turning on his side, his hand groping about for a pillow. This boy’s thighs were really bony.

“Is she the blonde one?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my gosh! Yes! Call her right now I want to marry her right now!”

“Aw, I think she’s actually on vacation abroad right now.”

“You tease,” she replied with a pout, pouring herself another drink, “Want more?”

“Yes please,” Hinata said, sitting up and holding his cup out to her. 

“You’re really drinking too much for your size,” the boy had said, slinging his arm over Hinata’s shoulder.

“Ruuuude,” Hinata pouted as he heard his phone vibrate too loudly on the wooden coffee table. He was intent on ignoring it, settling his lips on his cup, but when it kept vibrating, asserting itself as a call and not a text, he finally picked it up, answering it before he even checked the number.

“Hello?” he asked, getting up and stumbling just outside the living room.

“Hey!” came the voice, excited, nervous, and too loud, “I just wanted to say congratulations.”

“Uh, sorry, who is this?” Hinata asked, leaning against the wall.

“Oh! Um, it’s Kageyama.”

“Ahhh, hey there Bakayama,” he said, sliding to sit on the floor, “Sorry, newish phone.”

“Right… Um, so yeah. Like I said, just calling to wish you congratulations. If that’s the right word for it? I just… I’m sure you’re really happy about the marriage law, and I just… Just wanted to know I’m happy for you.”

“Ah, thanks. Please flip off your dad for me on this very special occasion.”

“I… I’ll think about it,” Kageyama said, sounding unsure.

“Well if that’s it, I should get back to my friends. I’m sure you have lots of other gays to call.”

“Right… um… Bye.”

“Bye Kageyama,” Hinata said, hanging up his phone and pulling himself back up, gulping down his wine as he walked back to the living room. He sat on the floor before he could make it to the couch, sitting behind his friend to try to braid her hair with unsteady hands.

“Who was it?” the guy asked, tucking his knees under himself.

“Kageyama,” Hinata answered.

“I… don’t know who that is.”

“From high school.”

“Oh, the dick who got into the fancy school?” the girl asked.

“Yeah, that one.”

His fingers weren’t working. They tried to busy themselves, tucking strand over strand like they used to when Natsu was younger, but now they were just fumbling. The hair would drop every third loop or so, falling too loose until it was messed up entirely. His friend’s layers poked out at awkward points, sticking up out of her hair like weeds coming through pavement. 

“What’d he call for?” she asked, handing up a bit of hair that he had missed. He sighed and started over.

“He wanted to offer his congratulations for the marriage thing.”

“Oh, that’s kind of sweet.”

“Maybe,” Hinata said, giving up on the braiding and finishing his drink instead, “I think it’s kind of sad.”

“Oh gosh, Hinata is going to be one of those pitifully sad drunks,” the guy complained.

“But it is sad!” Hinata whined, “It’s sad for us.”

“Aw, what’s so sad about it Hinata?” she asked, letting him lean against her shoulder.

“I think we liked each other. A lot.”

“Seriously?” the guy asked, “But he’s supposed to be, like, this pompous dickhead awkward guy?”

“Yeah,” Hinata said, not denying it, “But he was my partner. And we grew together and we made each other better and one time we got to second base and kind of stayed there a long time and it was really like going all the way like we went to second base and stole home, you know what I mean? And I really really like him but I was also really really angry that he got all that he did and it wasn’t fair and it also wasn’t fair of me to think that.”

“Wait you had sex with him?” the guy asked, sounding surprised.

“Kinda.”

“It just sounds like you don’t have closure,” Makoto said, rubbing circles into Hinata’s shoulder, “I’m sorry that things are so knotted up in that relationship.”

“It’s not knotted up,” Hinata said, “It’s unraveled.”

 

Hinata rolled over in his bed, remembering that night. It had started off so happy, and ended with him puking in the toilet while crying about his long lost Kageyama. _It’s all your fault._

And it was. He couldn’t see it any other way. It was his fault for relying on Kageyama too much. It was his fault for having not imagined a world where they wouldn’t be playing in the Olympics together. It was his fault for initiating the kiss that fateful night, even though he knew his feelings were too impassioned. He knew he was taking advantage of Kageyama’s feelings. He knew he was to blame, and the more he knew that, the more he blamed Kageyama.

If he had never called, then perhaps Hinata could have forgotten, and kept forgetting everything right up through the morning they said goodbye as Kageyama left for University. Hinata wanted to forget everything that was happy and sad and together and Kageyama. 

At the very least, Hinata wanted to pretend rutting together under the covers that night, whispers of _Are you sure this is all right?_ and _Don’t leave me_ was an act of love. Sometimes he was able to convince himself that it was but normally thinking of it just made him want to take a shower. No matter how much he had liked, how much he may have even loved, Kageyama at that time, it was nothing but a desperate and passionate attempt to pretend that his life wasn’t in shambles. He didn’t have a career plan, or a volleyball team, or anyone that he knew at the University, but if he could just have Kageyama then he could have pretended that maybe his life could actually go somewhere.

Except even when he had Kageyama, giving himself to Hinata as much as he could, he still wasn’t satisfied. It scared him, to lay in that bed with Kageyama and not feel that invincibility that they had felt so often on the court. All he felt was shame. He made Kageyama give him more than he could return. Though, the thing he though most about that night was Kageyama’s dad asleep in the other room. In his desperation he couldn’t help but think of the relationship he must have severed. How could Kageyama look at his father again? What would he say if he knew that Hinata was laying here in Kageyama’s clothes since his own needed to be cleaned? And what would he think if Kageyama ever just came right out and said it?

When he had told his own parents it had been easy. All he needed to say was a simple _Hey I think I’m bisexual_ and suddenly his mom was waving around a blue, pink, and purple flag, attending LGBTQA+ parent meetings, and talking about how to reach out to the people in the community. To be honest, she fought for his right to marry whom he pleased more than he did. 

Knowing that Kageyama wouldn’t have that scared him. He had to push him away so that he’d never have to admit it to them. Hinata didn’t even know if Kageyama had really enjoyed himself. He hoped that he would regret it, just like Shouyo did. 

He wanted to push Kageyama away immediately, but he couldn’t. While he would try to ignore the texts, he would always reply within five minutes. It wasn’t really even an option to not see him, what with the last few volleyball practices, graduation planning, and their ever urgent desire to never say goodbye.

“I’ll just bring you along with me,” Kageyama said once as they walked out of the clubroom, toward Ukai’s shop.

“Kageyama, don’t say things like that.”

“Why not. It’ll be better if we’re together. They’ll see.”

“I don’t want to rely on you Kageyama,” he had replied, unconsciously adding distance between their shoulders that used to brush together as they walked, but now sat stiffly, separated by the magnetic field that normally brought them together.

“Oh,” Kageyama said quietly, “I… I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that…”

“Kageyama, you don’t have—“

“I rely on you!” Kageyama said sternly, before Hinata could finish his thought, “That’s what I meant… Not the other way around.”

“You… you really shouldn’t do that Kageyama,” Hinata said, guilt flooding over him, “You’re invincible even without me.”

That look of horror stricken, stomach churning guilt that sat on Kageyama’s face after Hinata had said that was all Hinata could think about as he fell asleep, all those years later. 

***

When Hinata woke up he could hear Natsu, her voice carrying through his closed door.

“No, I don’t really know anything,” she said, probably talking on the phone to someone, “He’s not really giving anything away.” Hinata got up, raising his hands to stretch out his back. It was always sore in the morning from making himself into the smallest ball he could form, mashed together like a rice ball, curled around an extra pillow like the plum center.

“I mean, at first he seemed really pleased and everything,” Natsu continued in her conversation, “But now, I don’t know, sometimes I hear him up too late or something. It makes me nervous that he might realize—Yeah I know, and it’d just be terrible if it got bad like before.”

Hinata tried not to listen, not wanting to think that maybe they were talking about him. Or, rather, that he definitely didn’t want to hear what his sister said about him since he knew there was no one else that she would hear walking around at night.

“No, he hasn’t said anything about him to me yet… I know mom, I’ll make sure he’s all right… No I’m not going to make him pancakes every day. He’ll feel worse if he thinks it’s a burden to us or whatever… Yes I know he’s not a burden mom. He’d do the same for all of us. I’m just saying if it were me I’d feel—“

“Are you talking to mom?” Hinata said, finally unable to stand it and walking into the kitchen, grabbing some bread to throw in the toaster.

“Oh! Yeah. Do you want to talk to her?” Natsu asked, holding out the phone.

“Hey mom,” Hinata said, accepting the phone.

“Hey sweetie! How are you?”

“I’m doing good. Haven’t talked to you in a while,” he said, holding the phone between his ear and his neck as he buttered his toast.

“Yes, yes, you never really got the chance to tell me what happened when you were here. You were always off running along with those kids. And that one night you didn’t even come home…”

“Yeah, I spent the night with Kageyama,” Hinata said, giving in to what she really wanted.

“Oh that’s great! It’s been so long since we’ve heard from him. How is he?”

“He’s good. He works in a call center and has a roommate with rich parents.”

“Any girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Boyfriend?”

“No mom, he’s totally single.”

“Oh well that’s probably for the best. You always used to be so close! I can’t imagine how you ever separated. I feel like we used to have to pry you off of each other to get Kageyama to go home.”

“Yeah well people change all the time mom.”

“Has my crazy little Shouyo changed that much?” Her voice changed as she asked that. It was softer, yet no less quiet, with an edge of guilt that only a mother would be capable of adding.

“No mom, not that much, but enough,” Hinata said, “I have to get to work soon. I’ll give you back to Natsu.”

“All right sweetie, I love you so so so so so much.”

“I love you more mom.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Is not!”

“It is. It’s a lie.”

*** 

The majority of the people that worked at Ramen Prince worked there for two years, maybe three, four if they were particularly dedicated to the art of making ramen. Hinata had watched so many people come and go from the establishment and was starting to feel old. Every year that passed was another year between him and the new college workers with their complaints about essays and bags under their eyes. For a while it was as if he was just a bit older than them, but then a bit so quickly changed to them not even being old enough to drink and him pushing thirty. They all liked to tease him, calling him their little old man or grandpa. It never helped that he was so short.

“Hey grandpa!” Hinata heard as he was sitting down, large bowl of ramen in hand, for his break. He looked around, but Makoto, his old friend and employee, was already sitting down across from him. Her hair was short now, no longer able to be braided, and she wore a very extravagant ring. Hinata’s face lit up.

“Makoto!” he exclaimed before setting the bowl down to give her an awkward one armed hug, “It’s so nice to see you.”

“And you,” she said, grinning, “I can’t believe you still work here. You’re going to be a relic before you move on.” 

“Ahhh, it’s just comfortable I guess. It’s easy and it’s something I’m not terrible at, so…”

“Speaking of things you’re not terrible at,” she piped up, “I want to get straight to the point. So I was talking to Yachi the other day—“

“You… were talking to Yachi?”

“Yeah, we go to the same gay club and so we run into each other and chat a lot. Anyway, she said that you went and played volleyball and Kageyama was there.”

“Did you literally come just to gossip?” That was so Makoto.

“Obviously. Listen, I’ve been on the edge of my seat with your Kageyama plot since you mentioned him. I got to see this through.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“I heard you slept together.”

“Makoto!”

“What? That’s what I heard! I know you don’t get much time for your break, and I can only be here for a little bit anyway, so I’m making this quick.”

“We shared a bed,” he said, burying his heads in his hands.

“Ok, but like, where did you get to then?”

“What?”

“Base wise, where did you get?”

“We weren’t even playing the game Makoto. We were just a couple of friends hanging out. Nothing weird happened.”

“You can’t just do that Hinata.”

“Do what?”

“Say that you’re just friends with this boy that you have declared your passionate rage for so many times to my face. You can’t be ‘just friends’ and hate him to his very core.”

“I didn’t mean… I was just jealous. That’s different.”

“You said you never wanted to speak to him again.”

“That’s still true,” Hinata pointed out, slurping up some noodles before they could get cold.

“But you stayed the night with him?”

“I don’t know,” Hinata said, dabbing ramen broth off his chin, “Sometimes I would think about what happened with us and I just… I wanted to rip us apart again. I didn’t want to have to look at him even. But… it really started after we played together again. It took a while, but we were still able to get that killer play we used to always do, and it was like… If we could fix that I wanted to feel like we could fix anything. I know that’s not true. There’s too much between us, so when I feel that stupid hope start to bubble up in my stomach, I want to get rid of it as quickly as possible, since I know there’s no point.”

“You’re carsick for him.”

***

He tried to forget Kageyama when he thought about the Nekoma game. There was too much doubt about whether he would be there or not to waste his time worrying about it. Not to mention, he didn’t’ want to get himself too anxious or excited or whatever he may feel at the thought of seeing Kageyama again. For all he knew, Kageyama was out of his life for good.

In the past, Hinata had never been able to believe that. No matter how many years they went without talking, their goodbye never seemed final enough. The idea that Kageyama may show up again always loomed over him, torturing him in every crowded place. He’d go to the airport to pick up Natsu and immediately start thinking _Is Kageyama going to be here? I can’t run into Kageyama looking like this. Oh my gosh the first time I see Kageyama in 6 years is going to be in an airport, crying from seeing Natsu again, wearing pajama pants, flip flops, and an old t-shirt that I think I actually stole from Yamaguchi so it’s fucking huge._

It had gotten to the point where he couldn’t even listen to Adele anymore. He didn’t know the English, but there was something in her voice that seemed to miss someone in the exact, complex, angry, loving way that he miss Kageyama. Whenever her music would come on at the shop he would instantly burst into a loud groan, making all the employees laugh at his over dramatic suffering. 

At first he had felt satisfied after their weekend together, but now with everyone bugging him about whether or not something happened and what was it like to see him again, he couldn’t help but agree with them. There really should be something more to the story of the King and the Ultimate Decoy. 

Still, he insisted on being excited for the Nekoma game no matter what Kageyama would be doing. It would be good to see Yamaguchi and Tsukishima again, and to see the powerful team of Karasuno fly. Maybe there was even a small chance to see…

No. He really couldn’t let his hopes get up too much. It was enough just to see Karasuno pummel Nekoma to a pulp. It had to be.

In his excitement, Hinata had arrived at Nekoma a bit too early. He had figured that the buses would run slow, but just to tease him they were perfectly on time, making him reach the Nekoma gym before the Karasuno team had even arrived. He felt awkward, perched in the upper stands, glancing between his phone and where Nekoma practiced below. 

The team looked strong. One kid, probably the captain by his number one jersey and the way everyone looked at him with admiration, had on just about the tiniest red shorts Hinata had ever seen, like something out of a Hyunah music video. Their libero was short, but bulky, with ear length hair on one side, the other side shaved with some ridiculous pattern. Hinata also thought he might have seen a line shaved out of his eyebrow. Another of them was covered in freckles, enough to put even Yamaguchi to shame, with dark hair, cropped short with triangle cut bangs. It was good to see that Nekoma was just as goofy looking as always.

“Hey there,” came a purr at Hinata’s ear. He jumped, his phone falling out of his hand and clacking against the tiled floor.

“What the—KENMA!”

Hinata swooped his friend up into a tight hug, clinging to him as Kenma nuzzled into his neck. 

“Long time no see,” Kenma said, not letting go of his friend.

“Too long.”

“I agree.”

Eventually they were able to pull themselves off of each other. Kenma’s hand still rested on Hinata’s cheek, examining him with those perceptive eyes of his.

“You look older,” Kenma finally said, letting his hand drop to his lap.

“I am older,” Hinata replied, chuckling.

Kenma looked older too. His hair was still long, still blonde, his roots even longer but in an ombre way, with ends that weren’t so fried. It looked kind of curled too, just the slightest hint of a scrunch in it, with just one side pushed behind his ear. He wore a black v-neck with dark jeans, rolled at the ends, with fancy floral sneakers that Hinata envied. Maybe it wasn’t that he looked older, but rather that Kenma just looked so much cooler.

“Yeah but I didn’t expect you to look it,” Kenma said with a grin, “You’ve got this proper jawline now. It’s nice.”

“Thanks,” Hinata replied with a laugh, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I’m so glad you came. Kuroo usually tries to drag me to these, but I don’t like asking off for work, but when Kuroo said that Tsukishima said that one of the kids said that you might be coming I thought it’d be worth it.”

“Kuroo’s here too?” 

“Yeah, he insisted on waiting out in the parking lot. He likes to be the first thing that Tsukishima sees when they get off. They’ve got a tradition of acting like total assholes to each other, so much so that it convinces the kids that the rivalry between us is a proper one, full of rage and everything. It makes the kids like each other more if they think they’re not supposed to.”

Hinata laughed. “Well that’s good.”

“Mmhm. …So how are you? What have you been doing since we last saw each other?”

“Uh… I went to University. Dropped out. I work at a ramen shop now and share an apartment with Natsu. I’m tragically single, in case you’re interested—“

“Sorry, Kuroo’s finally, just as of two months ago, decided he wanted to take ‘this thing we have’ seriously. It’s kind of ridiculous actually.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope. I just got called his boyfriend for the first time two weeks ago. He’s going crazy, I swear. He decided we have to re-meet each other’s parents. Oh, and for about three hours he was set on us not sharing a bed anymore, since it was a serious relationship now. I don’t know how he thought that was going to work, or why. But that’s Kuroo for you.”

“He’s such a dork,”

“Yeah, but he’s my dork,” Kenma said, smiling while glancing out over the court.

“Oh my gosh, you’re so love dovey Kenma.”

“What? I’ve finally got myself a proper boyfriend after ten years, I’m supposed to be like this.”

“If you say so,” Hinata answered, chuckling as he pulled his knees up to his chest, “Do you know if Karasuno is supposed to be here soon?”

“Yeah, Kuroo said that they’d be here close to 4:00, and its 4:05 now so it should be any second.”

“All right, that’s good… So what about you Kenma? What did you do after school? Other then finally starting a relationship with your bed-headed babe.”

“Um, well, in college I studied animation and stuff, so now I work in a studio. I just kind of draw the backgrounds and stuff, nothing cool or anything.”

“No that’s totally cool Kenma! You have, like, a real adult life. You’ve got a cool job and a boyfriend you look really cool. I think you’re doing really well for yourself Kenma.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” Kenma answered.

As he spoke, the gym suddenly burst with laughter, the clear sign that Karasuno had finally arrived. Hinata stood up, leaning over the railing to peer down at the court.

“Akira!” he shouted, waving with his bright smile, “Kenji! Guys! Hi there! Play well today! Fighting! You can do it!”

Hinata didn’t notice the way the rest of the team shot little smirks to Akira, or the way her cheeks reddened slightly. He was too caught up in the excitement of watching them run drills, remembering what it was to prepare for a match, to notice little things like that. Volleyball was so beautiful to Hinata, even when he was only watching it. It was like a dance, a battle, and synchronized swimming all in one. 

“Shorty! It’s good to see you,” Kuroo said, sitting down beside Kenma, his arm draping almost possessively around him.

“You too Kuroo,” Hinata said, unable to sit now that he was all energized, instead preferring to squat down with his chin resting on the middle rail, enthralled by what happened below.

“Tsukishima said you trained a couple of these kids?” Kuroo asked, peering over the top of Hinata’s head to spy the teams below.

“Ah, no, not really. We played against them one weekend, and the next day Kageyama went to work with their setter, and some of the other kids went, so I just thought, ‘why not?’ and went. I didn’t really do much… They’re really good kids though and I’m sure they’ll kick Nekoma’s butt.”

“I doubt it. Nekoma’s better this year than ever before. You see that tall guy?”

“Short shorts?” 

“Yeah, him. Schools were coming to scout last year, and they were all demanding meetings with him even though he was still a second year. He plays volleyball, basketball, and he’s trying to start a quidditch team, which is kind of weird, but whatever, he’s happy. Anyway, he’s amazing. No way Karasuno can win this year.”

“You’re wrong,” Hinata replied, turning his head, eyes deadly focused on Kuroo, “Akira is a really good ace. She’s determined and powerful and energetic and really really smart. Kenji is the kind of setter that always wants to impress you, so he keeps making himself better and better. Mamoru and Hideo are freakishly in sync. That bowl cut has a serve that rivals Yamaguchi and Oikawa. Listen, Karasuno is basically unstoppable. Their wings are bigger and their crow is louder and they’re going to be really great.”

“When’d you learn to give motivational speeches Shorty?” Kuroo asked, chuckling as Hinata turned back to the court.

“Aces have to be good at things like that,” Hinata answered.

“Has it started yet?” came a voice, panting from the stairs.

“Ah, Kageyama. Good to see you. Have a seat, nothings started yet,” Kuroo said.

Hinata kept his eyes forward, not having the nerve to turn and face Kageyama, not yet at least. He could feel Kenma’s eyes on the back of his neck, demanding some sort of explanation of how he was meant to be treating Kageyama now. The last Kenma had heard, Hinata and Kageyama’s relationship was confused, muddled, and basically just the same as what it was now. If Hinata couldn’t even figure out what their relationship was, how was he supposed to explain it to Kenma?

Kageyama didn’t take a seat though. He stood beside Hinata, staring down at the court, his face stern as he considered the players below. 

“Nekoma looks like they have a really strong team,” Kageyama said, his eyes focusing on trying to pick out which player was the setter.

“Maybe,” Hinata answered, “But we’re stronger.”

He couldn’t help but grin up at Kageyama, feeling the bitterness slip into the back of his mind. Hinata had always thought before that the more he saw of Kageyama, the more jealous he would be, but in actuality, it seemed to be the opposite. When his eyes would focus on Kageyama’s long fingers, his clear, determined eyes, and his regal stature, he felt more at ease then he had when he was ignoring him. The more he got to see the real Kageyama, the easier it was to erase the villainous caricature of his best friend. 

“That’s true,” Kageyama answered, smiling his terrifying smile, “The only people worth worrying about are the people on your side of the net.”

Kageyama settled down into a squat beside Hinata, both of them wanting to be as close to the action as they possibly could. Maybe if they stuck their head out a bit farther, they could feel like it was they who were playing.

“Let’s go Karasuno!” Hinata shouted as the teams began to fall into their spots.

“I know you can beat them!” Kageyama added in, leaning in just a bit.

They were perhaps a bit too excited, shouting praise at every point, and exclaiming “Don’t mind!” whenever there was a loss. The more energetic they were, the more Kuroo seemed to sit up in his seat, joining in the yelling until he himself was on his feet, his eyes fixed on watching Nekoma’s plays. They felt sweaty and worn out, even just from the stands. 

It was a close match. Hinata would never say it out loud, but Nekoma was a really skilled team. Karasuno, however, easily made up the ground with their energy and ability to so easily communicate with each other. Nekoma would often fumble, unsure what their teammates were doing, making decisions just a bit too slowly, whereas Karasuno was always dancing around each other, ready to figure out what needed to be happening as soon as it needed to happen.

Karasuno took the first set, much to Kageyama and Hinata’s enjoyment. They hollered their praise at their young friends, waving their arms about in celebration. It had been close, 26-24, and both teams looked really worn out. Hinata felt tired just watching them as Yamaguchi huddled them around to shout their praise and critique their progress. 

By the second set, Kageyama and Hinata had full rehearsed cheers, complete with hand motions and Hinata failing at doing a cartwheel. He knew that his voice would be gone by the end of this, but it seemed worth it to watch the smile on the players’ faces as they glanced up at their dorky role model.

“This is a lot of fun,” said Hinata, out of breath himself as he sat down during a time out.

“I agree,” Kageyama returned, offering a drink from his water bottle. Hinata gladly accepted before replying.

“I think I’m going to try to come to more of their matches. This is a lot of fun. Maybe next time I could make signs! Oh and Natsu could come if she wanted. Or maybe I could bring snacks for the team like Tanaka used to doing during our third year. Wouldn’t that be nice? We could be Karasuno High’s biggest fans!”

“That would be nice,” said Kageyama thoughtfully, “I’m sure the kids would love it.”

“And it’d really annoy Tsukishima,” Kuroo added from his seat next to Kenma.

“Always a bonus,” Kageyama said with a grin.

“Plus it’d just be nice to get to see each other more…” Hinata said, retying his shoelaces.

“Yeah. It’d be really great to get to see you all the time,” Kageyama said, “I mean, since we were apart for so long it’s just… It’s really good to see you.”

“I agree,” Hinata said, grinning.

Karasuno lost the second and third set, much to Hinata and Kageyama’s dismay. They shouted and cried while Kuroo taunted them. After calming themselves down, they made their way to the court to congratulate the team on all of their accomplishments. As devastating as a loss can be, Hinata still thought the Karasuno team played remarkably well. Nekoma, with their precise skill, had to put in every effort in order to beat Karasuno, and that was a victory in it of itself. The broad Nekoma libero certainly seemed upset by the small margin by which they had won. 

“You all did so well!” Hinata exclaimed, “It was a really good game to watch. We were on the edge of our seats.”

“Or rather, we were already out of our seats,” Kageyama added.

“We know,” Kenji said, “We could see you. And hear you. And laugh at you.”

“Hey! Respect your elders,” Hinata answered, puffing out his chest.

“You were kind of silly,” Akira added, smiling.

“Gwah! Akira! I thought you were supposed to be the nice one!”

“Akira? The nice one?” Yamaguchi said, coming over and laughing at Hinata’s accusation, “You must not know her much at all. She’s malicious.”

“I am not,” she said, pulling down her hair and shaking it out a little.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kenji added in, “You’re so casually evil, it’s terrifying. Every team basically hates you.”

“Kenji!” Akira scolded.

“But like, in a ‘they want to be you’ way, you know?”

“Ah, I thought when we played you that it must be like that,” Hinata said, “Like, I thought that they must think your voice is really scary, since it sounds so happy but also so focused. But that doesn’t mean you’re malicious! Kind of like Kageyama or this guy Asahi that used to be our ace. They look really scary but they’re actually big dorks.”

“Yeah Akira,” the bowl-cut guy said, ruffling Akira’s sweaty hair, “You’re just a dork.”

“No that’s not what I mean!” Hinata answered, “I just mean that you can be really nice and intimidating at the same time.”

“Hinata used to be pretty close with the coach of Dateko,” Yamaguchi said, “He has a lot of those intimidating but very sweet friends.”

“You were friends with No Eyebrows!?” Kenji exclaimed.

“Oh yeah! Aone is so nice!” Hinata said, “Plus he viewed me as a real threat. It’s always been reassuring to me when people took me seriously. I wasn’t really used to that. Back in middle school I only got to play in one tournament, and the other team didn’t treat us like we were worth trying against and it was terrible.”

“I don’t know, I think at least one person on that team tried to take you seriously,” Kageyama added with a grin.

“Yeah but that person was probably a total asshole.”

“Speaking of assholes,” came Kuroo’s voice behind him, wrapping his arms around Kageyama and Hinata’s shoulders, “Nekoma would like to cordially invite you to their team barbeque. It’s at my house and there will be plenty of food so it’d be great if you guys come.”

“Uh, I’m not really sure if—“ Yamaguchi began, but was quickly interrupted.

“Yeah! That’d be bad ass!” Kenji said.

“Gotta love free food,” Thighs added, grinning.

“We might as well, if they all really want to,” Tsukishima finally said, coming behind Yamaguchi and placing his hand on the small of his back.

“Great!” Kuroo responded, “You have the address, right Kei?”

“Yeah,” Tsukishima grumbled.

“Perfect,” Kuroo replied as Yamaguchi began herding the kids to the showers, “Me and Kenma can drive you two if you want to come.” 

“Oh that’d be great!” Hinata answered.

“Yeah, thanks Kuroo…” Kageyama replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my friend delaney was working on a stucky fic while i was writing this, so we were writing together 24/7. this chapter lead to this funny conversation.  
> "Ok, but how does the base system work?"  
> "Uh... French Feel Finger Fuck!"  
> "But what if, like, it's not what one of those things? What if it's like inbetween?"  
> "Well what is it?"  
> "Frottage."  
> "Oh my gosh."


	8. Chapter 8

Kageyama had tried to get in the back of the car with Hinata, but Kenma had so politely offered him the front seat, saying how he had shorter legs and he wanted to catch up with Hinata anyway. Now, rather than getting to let his knee bump against Hinata’s whenever they went over a pothole, he was forced to listen to Hinata and Kenma babble on together in the back seat.

It annoyed him to no end, listening to them talk. Judging by their conversation, they had been just as estranged as Kageyama and Hinata, yet their conversation seemed to come so easily. There was no awkward pauses, no accidental arguments, no subjects left untouched. Kenma was even able to bring up his life at college without Hinata telling him to drop it or his own replies straining.

All things considered, Kenma had really done better than both he and Hinata. If Hinata was going to be jealous of anyone, why couldn’t it be Kenma? He had a career and a boyfriend and all these great things, and what did Kageyama have? A crappy job and a mess of failed opportunities? Why would Hinata want that when there were so many other things that he could aspire to?

It made him even more frustrated when they pulled up to Kenma and Kuroo’s house, outside of the city. It was huge. It had two stories, nice floors, a big enough back yard to accommodate both of the volleyball teams, stainless steel appliances, with fancy art hanging on the wall that reminded Kageyama of his samurai date. If there was anyone for Hinata to be jealous of, it was most certainly these two.

Or why couldn’t it be Yamaguchi and Tsukishima that he resented? After all, they seemed happy, successful, and they could play as much volleyball as they wanted. If this was really an issue of who got more chances to be on the court, than Yamaguchi and Tsukishima undeniably won out. Not to mention, they had the team which acted as the family that it always had been to Kageyama when they played in high school.

“Isn’t it nice?” Kuroo asked as they toured the house.

“Gwahhh! So big!” was Hinata’s answered, his eyes wide as they glanced all around the property. He had been repeating things like that since they got out of the car, much to Kageyama’s annoyance.

“It’s… It’s not that big of a deal,” said Kenma. He threw a glance at Kageyama, seeming to notice the tension there. It bugged Kageyama that Kenma could read him like that. Kageyama had always been a little jealous of the other setter, with the way he got along with his team and his skills of perception, but he tried to act as if nothing was wrong. It upset him that Kenma knew, and yet never tried to be mean to him because of it. “Actually we were able to get the house as an inheritance from Kuroo’s grandparents. We could have never afforded it otherwise.”

“Aw, well it’s a really cool house! I’m glad that you get to share it with your boyfriend,” Hinata said, grinning at his friend. Kuroo seemed to turn a bit redder, and Kenma just smiled.

“Yeah, it’s pretty empty for just the two of you. Must seem a bit of a waste,” Kageyama said.

“No, not at all,” Kuroo answered, “The team comes over quite a bit, and we have friends that visit a lot too. Also sometimes we even do that whole couch surfers thing, so it’s almost never actually empty like this.”

“It must suck not having alone time then,” Kageyama mumbled, feeling his stupidity.

“Kageyama stop being such a butthead,” Hinata answered calmly as he stared at one of the paintings, trying to discern what it was. 

“I’m not being a butthead,” he grumbled.

“He just needs attention,” Kuroo pointed out, his signature smirk rising to his face. 

“I do not!”

“Aw, Kageyama, that’s so sweet,” Hinata said, tiptoeing to run his fingers through Kageyama’s hair, “If you want me to pay attention to you, you just have to say so. I’m sorry if you felt I was ignoring you.”

“That’s… that’s really not true Hinata. You know that it’s not.”

“Oh… I… I guess you’re right,” he replied quietly, “I’m… I’m sure the team will be here soon. Should we start getting food ready?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Kuroo said, moving them to the kitchen.

How was it that every time that Kageyama wanted to spend the day with Hinata, someone else always had to steal him away? Even with Kenma busy making guacamole, Hinata was still overtaken by Kuroo trying to teach him how to grill, leaving Kageyama in the kitchen, lingering around Kenma, pretending he was being helpful.

“Sorry, I tried to stop Kuroo, but sometimes he gets so wrapped up in his plans that it doesn’t matter what I say,” Kenma said, his eyes focused on the bowl where he mashed avocado. 

“Oh… It’s no big deal,” Kageyama replied, sitting on one of the bar stools.

“Don’t lie Kageyama. You were practically fuming earlier. …I know things with you and Hinata must be very hard. Things went really toxic with you two after high school, didn’t they? I just… I think you’ll be able to work it out again. You’re meant to be together.”

“It’s not like that,” Kageyama replied, resting his hand on his elbow.

“You’re an unstoppable duo. You’re partners. You’re all these really dumb things that Hinata used to say. It doesn’t matter whether you kiss or cuddle, it just matters that you stay together.”

“Why? I mean, I want to, everyone can see that I want to, but why do you think it has to be like that?”

“Well, look at your life Kageyama. What’s the happiest part of it?”

“When I was with Hinata,” Kageyama answered with a groan.

“And it’s true for him too. He kind of blocked me out after he dropped out of University—blocked everyone out really—but during it he complained about you so much.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?”

“Obviously. I mean, people complain the most about the people they love, right? That’s why I hate Kuroo and why Tsukishima always tells Yamaguchi to shut up. It’s not that we don’t like the person we’re with or anything, it’s just that we don’t really give anyone else the opportunity to affect us.”

“But Hinata loves a lot of people,” Kageyama said, twiddling his thumbs, “Yet he only hates me. I mean, he loves you a lot, and yet he’s never jealous of you. You went to a good school too, and you have a better job than me and a better house and… Well I just don’t get why he feels bitterness towards me and not towards you.”

“I don’t think he’s jealous just because of your opportunities Kageyama.”

“Then what is he jealous of? I mean, it’s not like I’ve got anything great besides them. My dad is kind of shitty and I have terrible luck and bad social skills. What else is there for him to want?”

“He just wanted to be with you Kageyama,” Kenma said as he mixed pico de gallo into the smashed avocado, “Did he want to go to a volleyball school, or did he want to go to school with you? Did he want to go to the Olympics, or did he want to go to the Olympics with you? Did he want a nice job, a nice apartment, or whatever else, or did he want to just live his life with you?”

“That’s… Your point isn’t even valid. He wanted all of those things whether he did them with me or not.”

“Oh? And have you been having fun doing all these things on your own?”

“Hinata is a happier person than me. He never needed to rely on me like I relied on him. It wouldn’t have been the same if it were him.”

“I—“

“We made it!” shouted Kenji, coming through the front door as the team stampeded in behind him.

“Wonderful, you beat Nekoma,” Kenma replied, much to the team’s approval, “If you’ll just step with me into the back yard, we’ve set up some picnic blankets and such. Kuroo and Hinata are working on the hot dogs, and I’ll bring out the chips and drinks in a second.”

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima led the kids outside while Kageyama tried to find a way to hold seven two liters at one time.

“You can make two trips,” Kenma pointed out.

“No, now it’s a pride thing,” Kageyama replied, cradling the soda in his arms and hugging them tight, praying that he wouldn’t lose his grip on any of them.

“All right, I’ll get the door for you,” Kenma said, stepping in front of Kageyama with guacamole and a couple rather large bags of chips in hand, sliding the door open with his toe.

“Now that’s a talent,” Kageyama mumbled as he made his way to the table as quickly as he could so that he could relieve himself of his burden. As soon as he did, however, Hinata was hopping onto his back, strangling him as he slothed his arms around his neck.

“Hinata!” Kageyama exclaimed, pulling Hinata’s arms forward so they weren’t so tight, “What are you doing?”

“We’ve been challenged to a race Kageyama!” Hinata replied, “Nekoma just came in through the fence and short shorts and triangle hair said they could beat us in a piggy back race, and then Kenji said actually he would win so now him and Akira are in, and we have to beat them Kageyama we just have to.”

“They’re going down!” Kageyama replied, easily drawn in by the sweetness of imminent victory.

“Yeah! Kageyama you’re the best!” Hinata replied, “Ok, so, we’re starting at the back door, right, and then you circle around to the front door, and when you get there you have to switch positions, and then whoever gets back to the backdoor first wins.”

“Wait, you’re going to give me a piggy back ride as well?” Kageyama asked, dubious.

“Obviously, that’s the only way to make sure everyone on the team is doing their part. It’ll be fine though, I can give anybody a piggy back ride. It’s more about balance than strength. Not that I’m not strong, I’m totally strong, but you know I bet you’re super heavy so I’m sure you’re worried.”

“I’m heavy because I’m all muscle, unlike some people I know.”

“Sure, sure,” Hinata replied, “Anyway, winner gets sweet bragging rights, and loser has to somersault kiss.”

“Wait, isn’t that that thing you made me do back in high school?”

“Yeah, and you dropped me on the ground the first time. But we got it! So really it’s not like we can actually lose since the somersault thing wouldn’t be that embarrassing for us anyhow.”

“Right…”

“Oh they’re getting ready, come on,” Hinata said, pulling him over to the twig that was serving as their makeshift starting line, “Now you get on first, since I’m sure you’ll be faster and it’s always better to be able to push ahead in the end.”

“Uh, ok,” Kageyama said, staring at Hinata’s back, unsure of himself. He hadn’t ridden on anyone’s back since elementary school. How was he meant to get on? How did he stay on? How was Hinata supposed to not fall over if he tried to jump on him?

“Listen, Kageyama, just jump on. It’ll be fine, I’ve got you.”

“If you say so,” Kageyama replied, gripping on to Hinata’s shoulders, closing his eyes, and letting himself jump. His legs instinctively wrapped themselves around Hinata’s waist, his fingers clenching into his shirt. 

“It’s all right Kageyama. Relax. I’ve got you,” Hinata said again, his arms circling around Kageyama’s legs, “I’m not going to let you go.”

 

Kageyama had told his mom. He didn’t have anyone else he could have talked to, not without them tormenting him. Though, to be quite honest, he wasn’t so sure his mom wouldn’t torment him either.

She was sitting in his bedroom, helping him pack the last of his clothes for his departure the next day. He was sitting on the end of his bed, watching her sift through his t-shirts, telling which ones to take and which ones to leave here.

“Mom…” he finally said. She could hear the restrain in his voice, and she froze immediately, preparing for whatever Kageyama would say to her. “Can you… come sit with me for a second?” As soon as she had sat down next to him, he laid his head in her lap. He could feel his chest twisting, like wringing out a wet wash cloth. 

“What’s wrong sweetie?” she asked, patting his shoulder, unsure of herself.

“I don’t want to go tomorrow.”

“Oh sweetie,” she said, sighing with relief. She thought the news was finished. “That’s normal. It’s hard for anyone to go off on their own for the first time. I know it won’t be easy, it won’t be easy for me either, but I promise that you’ll get used to it. You’ll like the new friends you make, and your classes, and I know you’ll love finally getting the chance to play volleyball with people at the same level as you.”

“Mom, I don’t want to leave Hinata.”

“Hinata is your best friend. You’ll still be close after you leave. You can call each other and text each other. I know it’s kind of been straining your relationship, but I’m sure Hinata will get over i—“

“Me and Hinata had sex.”

It was like ripping off a band-aid, or maybe stitches. He had expected it to be worse, but once it was out he felt like he could finally breathe again. As far as he knew, his mother was now the only person, other than him and Hinata, who knew. It was good to not feel as if he was carrying this burden all alone.

“You… you had sex.” It wasn’t a question.

“I… kind of… I don’t know what really counts, but for all intents and purposes, yeah.”

“Oh… oh my goodness. Ok… I… I’ve never bought you condoms oh my gosh I’m a terrible mother! I should have made sure you were being safe! I… did your dad even ever talk to you about—well I suppose what he would have had to say wouldn’t have mattered much. I… Did he bring condoms? You know you still have to use one even if you can’t get pregnant right? You were safe, right?”

“We didn’t do anything where we would have needed…”

“Kageyama, if anything is going anywhere—“

“Nothing was… Mom, I know about that sort of thing, and Hinata is really worried about that kind of stuff, so you don’t have to think about anything like that, all right?”

“You’re getting tested tomorrow morning before we go.”

“Mom, I don’t need to—“

“You’re going off to University. You should probably be tested whether you need it or not.”

“…And what are you going to tell dad about it?” Kageyama asked, “I don’t… I don’t want to hear him talk about anything like that.”

“I’ll just tell him I’m worried about you going to University. I’ll say ‘I know he didn’t date any in high school, but I want to make sure he’ll be ready when he decides to take that step,’ or something like that. I won’t tell him anything you wouldn’t want him to hear, all right?”

“Mom, I wasn’t… I didn’t tell you that so that you would fret like this.”

“Is Hinata your boyfriend?” she finally asked, tucking Kageyama’s hair behind his ear. Her voice didn’t sound disappointed, but it didn’t sound particularly pleased by the idea either. Ever since Hinata had realized that Kageyama’s dad was homophobic, he tried to avoid his parents. He was less reserved around his mother, but he still always preferred to just be around Kageyama. It probably didn’t ease his mom’s feelings that Kageyama would always talk about how great Hinata’s parents were; how they had taken them out for dinner or how they all went mini-golfing together. Hinata would decline any offer like that from Kageyama’s parents.

“No… How could he be? I’m supposed to be leaving tomorrow.”

“You’d rather him be your boyfriend then go to school?”

“I like being with him…”

“Kageyama, I know it must be hard for you,” she said, rubbing his shoulder, “But think of it if it were reversed. Would you want Hinata to give up these great opportunities that you have in order to be with you? Would you be able to date him knowing that he gave all that up for you?”

He knew he wouldn’t. Kageyama could never ask that of Hinata. However, even as she asked it, he couldn’t help but think about how it didn’t matter if it were the other way around. The logic was sound, but it left out one vital point. Kageyama and Hinata were not the same person. Hinata couldn’t give up his dreams for Kageyama. They were two strong, burning through his skin, raising him into the sky. The Olympics were never really Kageyama’s dream, not the way they were for Hinata. Volleyball was the only thing he was good at, so to some extent it was a path chosen for him. He loved volleyball, he loved playing, and he loved being the best, but when it came down to it, he didn’t need volleyball the way Hianta did, or the way he felt he needed Hinata.

Perhaps it was just the teenage hormones, the fear of leaving, fueling those thoughts, but he couldn’t shake them. At that moment, he needed Hinata.

“Can… Can we stop by his house tomorrow?” he said, after the long pause and lack of answer to her question, “We can go to his house, then the doctor if you really insist, and then we can leave, all right?”

“You don’t think it will be too hard to let him go tomorrow?”

“I could never let him go mom… I’ll just be telling him that I’ll see him soon.”

 

They rounded the corner, the front door almost in sight. They were just behind the two from Nekoma, Akira and Kenji several paces behind them. Hinata was quite impressive, his reflexes just as strong as ever as he carried Kageyama around the house. 

“Quick, quick!” Hinata encouraged, “Let me on your back!”

Hinata was on Kaeyama’s back in a flash, and Kageyama took off running. He glanced behind him, seeing the Nekoma team falling behind after their struggle to switch positions as flawlessly as Kageyama and Hinata had. Akira, however, had a competitive drive that seemed to rival even the unstoppable duo’s. She was making up lost time like she was born for the sole purpose of piggy back races. 

“Faster Kageyama, faster!” Hinata shouted, patting his shoulders to spur Kageyama on. 

And he did run faster. He ran and he laughed and listened to Hinata shouting. The problem, of course, was that when one is running at full speed with a large amount of weight on their back, gravity will often act against them, until they’ve fallen face first on the ground as Akira sprints past them in all her grand victory. 

“Gah! Kageyama!” Hinata said, “And you were so scared that I would drop you!”

“Yeah well if you wouldn’t have gotten behind—“

“Kageyama! Your face is bleeding!” Hinata interrupted, crawling over to where Kageyama sat on his knees. He placed his hands on either side of his face, scrutinizing it. Kageyama could feel the blush warming his cheeks, but hoped that it just looked like he was tired from running. 

“Ahhh, I think it’s just some scratches around your nose and eyebrow. Let’s get inside and I’ll clean this up for you.” Hinata took Kageyama’s hand, pulling them up together as he stood, before making his way to the kitchen. “Sit down,” Hinata instructed, grabbing some paper towels and wetting them in the sink. Leaning over Kageyama, he began dabbing his face—the bridge of his nose, his left eyebrow, the top of his cheek—with the cloth, cleaning out the wounds.

“Hinata, I think I’m in love with you.”

“What the hell?” Hinata had dropped the paper towel to the ground and was now standing a step away from Kageyama, his hand still raised as if the paper towel hadn’t fallen, eyes wide and jaw clenched.

“I… that’s what I wanted to say, back when I visited you before I left for University…” Kageyama said, trying to find some way to fix the situation, “In… in case you were still wondering what I was going to say, that was it.”

Hinata sighed, picking up the paper towel and crossing the room to throw it away. “All right, thanks for telling me I guess. We should get back outside.”

“I… you don’t have any… any thoughts about that?”

“It just doesn’t make any sense to me to worry about something like that now. I mean, we’re not exactly the same people we were back then, right?”

His voice sounded deeper to Kageyama—older. He wouldn’t have believed it before that moment, that Hinata really had changed, but he must have, if he could stand there like that, quiet, low, calculating. If he was really the Hinata that Kageyama always knew, he would have shouted, jumped, laughed at how silly Kageyama was being. His Hinata wouldn’t have stood there, hunched shoulders, not looking at him. 

“I… I mean, I guess so,” Kageyama said. Hinata stood up a little straighter, looking relieved as he headed back to the screen door to rejoin the others. “But don’t you think… I mean, if we wanted to be friends again, which I want to be friends again because I missed you a lot, that it might help to know what… what kind of helped us become who we are now?”

“You think that your crush on me changed who you are today?” His hand was on the sliding door.

“That’s… that’s not what I said Hinata.”

“You didn’t love me Kageyama.”

He finally turned around, his eyes focused on Kageyama, looking anywhere on him but his eyes. Kageyama knew that this was not Hinata. A stranger, a monster, stood before him, inspecting him, dissecting him.

“Speak for yourself dumbass,” Kageyama said, standing up, turning to rest his hands on the counter, happy to have the cold surface there. His whole mind was going hot. He wanted to lay in a bathtub of popsicles.

“You didn’t love me Kageyama, we were just kids. We didn’t love each other.”

“You didn’t love me… That’s really what you’re saying. You didn’t love me, and you don’t want to be responsible for… for doing that to me, and so you’re telling me that I couldn’t love you so you don’t have to feel guilty. That’s it, right?”

“If you’re referring to—“

“You know you’re guilty! You know it. I… I forgive you, all right?” Kageyama shouted, “I forgive you so you don’t have to worry about it anymore, all right? Then we can go back to normal, right? I forgive you and you don’t have to push me away anymore.”

“Yes, because that’s solves anything,” Hinata replied, throwing his hands in the air, exasperated, “How are we supposed to go back to normal now, with that hanging over my head? How is it supposed to help to know what a horrible person I am? How can I look at you and call you my friend now that I know that you fucking loved me and I just… I betrayed you.”

“Hinata, I went to some stupid University full of idiots who couldn’t see how excellent you were. I left you. I deserted my best friend because I was being really selfish. I knew better. I betrayed you too.”

He stared down at the sink. Kageyama wanted to turn it on, to let it run cold, to stick his head under the faucet and let the water drench his hair. He wanted to take a nap, brush his teeth, and retie his shoes. 

“I would have done the same thing. I would have left you too and roomed with someone that wasn’t you and dated other people and played volleyball every day. I would have drowned myself in the sweat of playing so that I wouldn’t have to think about leaving you behind,” Hinata said sternly, “And I would have gone to the fucking Olympics.”

“Are… Are you trying to push me away again Hinata? Do you really want to get rid of me that bad?”

“It’s easier that way. If we really both mistreated each other like you said, then isn’t it better not to see each other? We’ll just hurt each other again Kageyama.”

“Yes, we will,” Kageyama replied, raising his head finally, staring back at Hinata, “That’s what people do, that’s what we’ve always done, isn’t it? But what hurts most is being without you. I haven’t been happy.”

“It’s not the same, Kageyama. You were holding on to this crazy idea of loving me. I was lying in your bed, feeling sick because I hated you so much, yet there I was, unable to sever myself from you. I didn’t want to leave my old life because I had nothing to go to, but now I’ve got a new life so… so I don’t need you anymore Kageyama.”

“Because your life is so great now? You work at a ramen shop and live with your baby sister! I haven’t heard you talk about any of your friends even once. What do you have now Hinata?”

“I made the most of the opportunities I had! I picked myself up from the lowest point! I tried school even though there was no point for me, and I was smart enough to drop out before I wasted all my time and money. I made lots of friends working at the ramen shop. I like living with my sister since she’s great and being with her makes me happy and she doesn’t mind my shitty taste in music like some people do. I feel great just knowing that I can get out of the bed in the mornings, which I couldn’t do back when I was so hung up on what you were doing!”

“Then what the hell are you doing now Hinata!? If you hate me so much, if I make you so fucking miserable, then what are you doing here? Why did you come back with me that night? Why did you meet us at the gym the next morning? Why did you answer me when I called, ask me to do this race with you, help me clean my face off?”

He was shouting, and he could feel his chest tightening. Everything was warm, compressing, white. Hinata walked towards him, and he felt a new knot form in him with every new step. Kageyama wanted to run as his brain started imagine every possibility of the situation, every way in which Hinata could slap him with his hands or with his words. He could hear himself panting, but he couldn’t feel the breath reaching his lungs. 

The sink was turned on to a trickle, and his head was under the cold water. There was a hand on his back, running along his spine. Hinata’s voice was in his ear.

“You’re all right Tobio. Take your time, catch your breath. Do you want me to go ask Kenma if he has any mints?”

Kageyama shook his head, his hair clinging to his jaw bone. He rested there, trying to get the oxygen flowing again, letting Hinata’s fingers ease him back into normalcy. Every second that he felt himself feeling better, he became more and more angry. He couldn’t stand the idea of Hinata being nice to him, despite knowing how he really felt.

“Is this how you feel?” Kageyama asked, reaching up to turn off the sink, letting his hair continue to drip into the basin, “Are you angry at me for wanting to be nice to you?” His fingers still shook, and he missed a breath every minute or so, but he could speak, so he could pretend that he was in control of himself again.

“I feel a lot of things Kageyama…” Hinata said, already working on drying his hair with a deep red hand towel, “But you should know that this isn’t being nice to you. This is being a decent human being. Do you need a glass of water?”

“Yes please,” Kageyama answered, leaning his back against the counter, “Akito has to do stuff like this for me now…”

“Is that your way of telling me that you don’t need me anymore?” Hinata asked flatly, pushing the glass of water into Kageyama’s hand.

“No,” he answered, taking a sip, “You’re way better at it. He doesn’t let me put my head under his shirt. Or share his bed. Or anything like that really--I don’t know, it’s not like he’s shy or intensely heterosexual or anything. It’s just weird for him I guess.”

“So you weren’t able to replace me?”

“Of course not. I—I know you don’t like talking about volleyball very much, but… I don’t know if this would make you feel better or not, but I never did find anyone who could do the quick with me like you could. You really were—you really are a great player. If I had to make a team only using people I’ve met, you’d be my first choice. Maybe Nishinoya since he’s taller now, but you’d definitely make the top five.”

“Eh, I don’t know if you’d make it that high for me,” Hinata replied, grinning, “Oikawa would probably be my first choice—“

“You took it too far.”

“You insulted my height!”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you can bring Oikawa into it!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Kageyama,” Hinata replied, “Do you want to go back out with everyone else?”

“We… shouldn’t we talk more?” he asked, “We’ve been ignoring it. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend that it’s all back to normal between us.”

“We can keep doing it like this, right?” Hinata asked, “Little bite-sized fights. I can manage that better.”

“I’d rather just get it all out now,” Kageyama replied, “It’ll sit on my chest while I try to go to sleep if it doesn’t get fixed. Doesn’t it feel that way for you?”

“I just… I can’t imagine it being fixable now. I have no solutions. If you want to try to mend this broken relationship, then I think I would need time to figure out how.”

“I’ve been thinking about how to fix it since I realized it was broken.”

“How long ago was that?”

“When I was too scared to text you on your birthday during our second year at University.”

“So what was that? Seven years? Eight?” Hinata asked, “And have you thought of anything that could work?”

“I thought you would lay in bed with me, and I would pet your hair, and I would say, ‘Hinata, I’m sorry I went to such an ignorant University, but I’m more sorry that I didn’t hug you longer before I left. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you my feelings and I’m sorry I couldn’t cry onto your shoulder like I wanted since my dad was there. I’m sorry I never told my dad that he’s an idiot and I’m sorry since I should have spent more of my time making you feel better.’”

“And I would have said,” replied Hinata, “’Kageyama, you spent so many nights comforting me while I cried and broke your stuff because I was so scared for my future. You probably wanted to celebrate, but I wouldn’t let you. I made you mourn with me.’ I would say to you, ‘I’m sorry Tobio, for only ever taking from you.’”

“Then I would say,” answered Kageyama, “’Do you think that I wasn’t taking from you? That I wasn’t stealing your parents when mine weren’t good enough? That I wasn’t monopolizing all of your time since I didn’t have anyone else? Did you think that I didn’t selfishly enjoy hearing you say “Don’t leave me Kageyama,” on those nights as I got to hold you in my arms, because I thought that maybe it meant that you needed me as much as I needed you?’”

“And I would have told you that we should talk about this another time, since I don’t understand my feelings right now, and I would need time to think about what you’ve said.”

“So I would ask you to spend that time with me, if you could.”

“And I would say ‘Let’s go back outside with everyone else, since they’ll be waiting for us.’”

“You go,” Kageyama replied, “I think I may still need a moment.”

“All right… I’ll save you a seat next to me. And if you’re not out in fifteen minutes I’m sending someone in to check on you, all right?”


	9. Chapter 9

“Is everything ok? The fall didn’t look so bad but you were in there for a while…” Akira asked as Hinata walked to the food table, grabbing a plate for him and one for Kageyam.

“Oh, yeah. Everything is fine with Kageyama. He’s just feeling a bit embarrassed after falling and making us lose. We really like winning.” Hinata replied. Two hot dogs each, relish for Kageyama, mustard for Hinata, a slice of watermelon, a handful of chips, a disproportionate amount of guacamole. 

“I’ve noticed,” Akira answered with a smile. “I can carry your guys’ drinks. What do you want?”

“Uh… is there any milk?”

“At a picnic?”

“Right, of course not. Um, whatever then. Lemonade maybe I guess. I don’t know.”

“You seem frazzled,” Akira said as she poured the drinks, walking with him back to one of the less crowded blankets. Kenji was sitting, talking with the short shorts Nekoma captain.

“It’s nothing,” Hinata said, sitting down. She didn’t say anything else, but something in her look told him that maybe she didn’t quite believe him. 

“Hey, that was some run you guys did,” Short Shorts said, “It’s a shame that you lost though. Hope you don’t fall doing the somersault kiss like you did before.”

“Ah, we won’t,” Hinata replied, “We’re really good at it.”

“You’ve… done it before?” Akira asked.

“Of course! Back in high school we used to do it to show off our physical prowess to the other teams. We were really cool in high school.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t exactly call that cool,” Kenji said.

“…Were you his boyfriend?” Akira asked, seeming to force the question out of her mouth.

“Kageyama’s boyfriend? No! Of course not, there’s no way,” Hinata said, laughing out his nerves, “Kageyama’s probably too good for me anyhow.”

“I don’t know,” Kenji answered, “You could carry him just as well as he could carry you.”

“Yeah,” Akira added, “And you both are really encouraging and nice people.”

“You both seem to have the same loud and obnoxious mannerisms,” Short Shorts added.

“Gwahh, why are we sitting with this guy? He’s really mean,” Hinata said, hoping to change the subject. 

“You’re not wrong,” Short Shorts answered, taking a bite of his hot dog.

“Yeah, Kaouru is literally the worst,” Kenji replied, grinning.

Akira smiled, leaning over to Hinata, “Kenji just has a massive crush on him.”

“Ahhh, that makes sense,” Hinata answered as Kenji and Kaouru babbled on together. 

“Is Kageyama really ok?” Akira asked again, “Should I go check on him?”

“Uh, I’d wait a big longer,” Hinata answered.

“…You like him, don’t you?” Akira asked, “Like, a lot?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t think so Akira. I think we kind of lost the opportunity, if that makes any sense.”

“It doesn’t,” she answered flatly, “It’s not as if there’s some fated window of time or something. It’s the people that make a relationship work, not destiny or some silly thing like that. It takes effort, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like… Too much stuff has happened, you know? It’s unfixable…”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Akira answered, “You spend all this time having fun together and whatever and now you’re just going to give up? I thought you were competitive and wanted to do your best and all that, but now you guys seem like quitters. Or at least you do; I don’t know what Kageyama is thinking.”

“What about me?” Kageyama asked, sitting down next to Hinata.

“Ahhh, we were just talking about how good you did during the race! You really wanted to win!” Hinata said.

“…Is your hair wet,” Akira asked.

“Yeah, I was just kind of warm from running so I tried to cool down by running my head under cold water.”

“Oh, did it work?”

“Yeah, I feel mostly better now,” Kageyama answered.

“That’s good,” Hinata replied.

The rest of the evening felt like all he was doing was resisting. He was resisting the urge to scoot closer to Kageyama, to let his hand rest on his knee, or worse, go to hold Kageyama’s hand. He resisted his desire to shout at Kageyama whenever he made some minor offense. He resisted the need to tell Yamaguchi and Tsukishima to get their hands off of each other and ask them why the hell they weren’t actually dating. If Yamaguchi and Tsukishima couldn’t keep things together properly, then how were Hinata and Kageyama supposed to?

He resisted the urge to punch that Nekoma captain in the face after the long day of almost regrets when he decided to bring up how Kageyama and Hinata had yet to do the aforementioned somersault kiss.

“I… I’m not really sure if I can do that anymore…” Kageyama said, rubbing the hair on the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I think Kageyama hurt himself too much in the fall,” Hinata added, “Maybe some other time, yeah?”

It wasn’t so much that Hinata was so opposed to the idea of it. They had done it plenty of times without it meaning anything to either of them. A flip and then a little peck on the nose or the forehead, it wasn’t like it was romantic, yet hearing Kageyama say that he really didn’t want to sent Hinata’s stomach tumbling. Did everything—his back, his heart—hurt so much that he couldn’t fulfill this bet? They had lost, fair and square, and Kageyama nor Hinata were known for not holding up their end of a bargain like this. He could feel Kenma looking at him, confused to what the big deal was. There was really nothing worse than a nonconsensual somersault kiss.

“That’s not how it works,” Kauru added, “If you lose, you have to do what you said. We may never even see you again, so it’s now or you’re the epitome of sore losers.”

“But if he’s inj—“ Akira started kindly, but she was interrupted.

“It’s fine,” Kageyama said, “We can do it.”

His face was cold, grumpy, like how it was early in the mornings or when the vending machines were out of milk, It was the face that made Hinata desperately want to make him smile, but he knew there was no chance of it now. 

“…Are you sure?” Hinata asked, “I don’t really… If you think I hurt you too much when we fell…”

“I’ll always be there to pick you back up again Hinata.”

“That’s really fucking cheesy, Kenji said.

A somersault kiss is a strange ordeal. Hinata, as the somersaulter, had to lean over, head down, basically in Kageyama’s crotch, with his hands between his legs. Kageyama, as the kissee, had to lean over, chest almost against Hinata’s back, and grab his hands. In one fluid motion, Hinata would leap and Kageyama would pull, spiraling Hinata. It always felt like a tiny forever then, never knowing when his legs would finally find Kageyama’s waist. Even though they were always holding onto each other, he felt scared that Kageyama wasn’t really supporting him until ankles locked around each other and lips pressed into skin. 

Normally Hinata’s lip easily ended up at the space between Kageyama’s eyebrows, but in their unpracticed turn Hinata had ended up lower on Kageyama’s torso than usual, and his lips ended up colliding with Kageyama’s.

It was only a moment, an accident, but it was enough to make Kageyama’s eyes go wide and Hinata’s face go red. His feet hit the grass with a small thud as the kids laughed and congratulated their success. 

“I was sure you were about to fall over,” Kauru said. 

“Well you were wrong,” Kageyama said flatly. 

***

Hinata hadn’t needed pressing to accept Kenma’s offer to stay the night. He had no interest in taking a taxi back to the bus station with Kageyama, not to mention the fact that he really did miss Kenma.

“I’ll kick Kuroo down to the couch,” Kenma said, searching through his drawers for some acceptable pajamas, “That way we can stay up all night without bugging him. He works tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Hinata asked, catching the red sweatpants that Kenma tossed to him, “What is he doing now?”

“He’s a hair stylist. Well, he owns the salon too, which is pretty cool. It’s not like he’s everyone’s boss though, it’s kind of like they pay him rent for their space, if that makes any sense.”

“Yeah, yeah. That sounds like something he would really like doing.”

“Yeah, he loves it. He keeps trying to get a hold of my hair, so I very decidedly go to someone else working in his salon. It’s great fun.”

“Gwahhh, you’re so mean Kenma! But your hair really does look great that way, so your choice must be paying off.”

“Yeah, if I had Kuroo doing my hair it’d be pale pink and he’d probably try to give me bangs or something, the asshole.”

“Oh my gosh you should never ever have bangs.”

“I agree,” Kenma answered as they changed. 

The bedroom was small, at least in comparison with the rest of the house. A large bed took up half the room, the other being filled with Kenma’s large TV and video game consoles. Or, that was, a portion of his video games, since the rest were in the living room for those nights in which Kuroo had to get to sleep before him. 

“You want to play something?” Kenma asked.

“No,” Hinata replied, crawling into bed.

“You want to talk?” he continued, sitting cross-legged on the end of the bed. 

“No…”

“Is it about Kageyama? About the kiss?”

“No… about the fight we had.”

“You had a fight and I missed it?” Kenma said, forcing a little laugh, hoping to break any sort of tension that had built in Hinata’s hunched shoulders.

“It was after the race,” Hinata replied, inching over to Kenma. 

“You didn’t seriously get angry at him for dropping you, did you?”

“No!” Hinata answered, “Don’t be ridiculous. I wouldn’t be worried about that kind of fight.”

“Then what was it?” Kenma asked, his hand taking Hinata’s and playing with his fingers absentmindedly.

“He told me that he loved me.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“Well… he told me that he loved me and then said that really he just wished he would have told me that back when we were younger.”

“And what did you say?” Kenma asked, trying to conceal the shock in his voice.

“I said that… that I’m not good to him and that I also need more time to think about what he’s saying. That… that seemed to upset him, the idea that I could need time. Like he kept thinking about me even after I pushed him away…”

“And you never thought about him?”

“No… not like that at least. Sometimes he would keep me awake, or I would just get angry and think about him, but I didn’t… I didn’t consider other options, or how I could fix anything with him. I just wanted to play volleyball.”

“You know,” Kenma said, “I seem to remember a certain other member of the Karasuno team having quite the awkward confession. He got pretty upset about the result as well?”

“Tsukishima?”

“Nope.”

“Nishinoya?”

“No, it was someone I know much better, with orange hair and a big smile.”

 

“Ok Kageyama, but consider this,” Hinata had said to his friend towards the end of their first year, “What if I told Kenma that I like him and then the entire world exploded?”

“Those don’t really seem like related events, even if they did both happen,” Kageyama answered from his desk where he was doing his homework. Hinata had commandeered his bed, spreading himself all over it and rolling about as he whined about his relationship problems.

“But what if they weren’t? What if Kenma had a button to press to explode the world in case of awkward situations and then he pressed it and it was all my fault? That definitely would be related events and then the world would be gone and it would be me who had caused it.”

“I mean, wouldn’t it be better to have the world explode rather than having to endure rejection?” Kageyama asked.

“You make a good point,” Hinata answered, rolling onto his tummy. 

He had had a crush on Kenma since they had exchanged phone numbers. Every new message sent butterflies dancing in his stomach. It had been plaguing him as soon as he realized that he liked his friend, taking up all his non-volleyball related thoughts. Hinata could hear himself becoming repetitive and annoying as he continued to talk all about Kenma, but he couldn’t help it. His mouth would not stop declaring his love for the boy, and it surprised him how understanding Kageyama was. He had expected his friend to get annoyed, tell him to shut up or get over it, but he didn’t. He always listened to Hinata’s ramblings, or at least pretended to listen, and it felt nice to be validated that way. Hinata had always assumed his crushes were silly, that his feelings weren’t important, but sitting there hearing Kageyama offer pseudo-advice helped him just to believe that his crush could actually matter.

“Ok, ok, I’m going to tell him Kageyama. I’m going to tell Kenma I’m in love with him. I’ll text him right now!”

“You’re going to text him? You can’t be serious,” Kageyama answered, finally turning to look at his friend.

“Well what else am I supposed to do? Call him? Drive all the way to Tokyo just to confess?”

“There’s no just about it Hinata,” Kageyama replied, “And you can’t just text him. That’s crazy.”

“I don’t have any other option.”

“Um, well, my parents and I are going to Tokyo in a couple weeks for a weekend trip. I could see if you could go with us?”

“Uh, I’m not sure I’d really want to—“

“It’s really for my dad’s business trip, and so he’s going to be busy most of the time. You really won’t have to see him that much, and I’m sure it will be worth it to be able to confess to Kenma in person.”

“I mean, maybe,” Hinata responded, “But what if the world does explode?”

In two weeks Hinata found himself in the back of Kageyama’s parents’ car, falling asleep with his face plastered against the window. And, about 24 hours after that, he found himself curled up in Kageyama’s arms, sitting in the empty bathtub, tears streaming down his face. _I’m so sorry Hinata_ Kageyama had kept repeating in his ear _He should have accepted you. He should have loved you Shouyo._

After Kenma had admitted that he was “in love with Kuroo, actually,” Hinata had reacted first by clenching his teeth together, holding back any rude words that threatened to escape. He didn’t even know what he would have said, but he knew it would have been bad. _Don’t you know how hard it was for me to say that? Don’t you care that I came all the way out here? Don’t you care that I love you? Doesn’t my bravery in telling you mean that I somehow deserve you?_

He knew it wasn’t Kenma’s fault, that there was no way that Kenma could force himself to like Hinata, but he had just felt so sure of himself. Of course he had been nervous, but Kageyama had been so reassuring that Kenma would have been crazy to not like Hinata, and Kenma had texted him so much that he couldn’t actually imagine him not reciprocating his feelings. 

For the next week Kageyama showed up at his house every night, just after dinner, a tub of ice cream and dumb movies in hand. After that he had become so comfortable in Hinata’s house that he didn’t even knock anymore. He’d just come in, take off his shoes, and greet Hinata’s parents before going and jumping into Hinata’s bed with him. There were days later when Hinata would be out with Yachi and when he’d get home Kageyama would already be sitting in his bed, homework spread around him. Once he had even shown up at Kageyama’s house only to be told that Kageyama had already gone to his place. If he ever needed him, Kageyama would be there.

 

“It’s been a long time,” Hinata said, “I don’t see how you could love someone that you haven’t even talked to in forever.”

“I don’t know Shouyo,” Kenma replied, scooting under the covers, “Did you love him?”

“Back then? I mean… Probably… I don’t know. I thought he was sort of… off limits. I mean, he gave off the impression of not being attracted to people, so if I ever thought something like that I pushed it away. I just… I got sort of lazy during our last year and I think some of those feelings slipped through sometimes. I might have loved him, but I didn’t give it any time to… to germinate.”

“I mean, there’s time now, right?”

“We don’t even know each other anymore.”

“You know him as well as you know me,” Kenma pointed out, cuddling into Hinata’s side.

“I… Yeah, maybe, but we didn’t have a falling out.”

“That was a self-destruction on your part.”

“Ahhh, Kenmaaaa, that’s not fair. I was young and frustrated with my own failures. It may have been my fault but it wasn’t really my fault, you know?”

“No. It was definitely your fault Shouyo.”

“You told me it was ok! I remember. One time I had called you and told you how whacked out I was about the whole thing and how I didn’t know how to feel about Kageyama, and you said, and I quote, ‘It’s fine Shouyo, that’s normal to be jealous of someone when that happens.’”

“And then I said, and I quote, ‘But Kageyama is your best friend and you shouldn’t let something like this ruin that. You have to find a way to get through this so you can keep that wonderful relationship.’”

“You didn’t say that!”

“I did, you just don’t listen to me. You had already decided to ruin things before you even asked me.”

“Well… I mean, I don’t know how to fix that now.”

“You just have to talk to him. Obviously. He’d never reject you out right like you would to him.”

“You’re mean…”

***

He couldn’t believe he was doing this. All day he had been looking for some excuse not to end up here, but everyone told him he had to. Kenma, Natsu, his coworkers, even Akira had managed to put in her two sense on the matter. So there Hinata was, making his way to Kageyama’s apartment, feeling silly after spending too much time picking out his outfit (a pair of jeans, rolled to reveal his socks with a bird print, Adidas, slightly oversized cream sweater). He didn’t know what he would say, or what he would do, and every time he tried to think about it his mind would instantly waver, choosing to focus on his untied shoe or the color of blue that the sky was.

Hinata hated going to someone’s house for the first time. He checked the number of the apartment three times before he finally knocked on the door.

“Hello?” said the man who opened the door. His hair was dark, parted, and swished back on the sides. He looked cool, sporting a black button up, mostly unbuttoned, with a sporty bomber jacket. _Shit,_ Hinata thought, _He looks cooler than me._

“Hi, um, I’m looking for Kageyama?” Hinata said, making eye contact with the man’s ears, “Is this the right address? I just got it from my friend.”

“Oh yeah, of course,” the man said, scooting aside to let Hinata step in, “I’m Akito, it’s nice to finally meet you Hinata.” Hinata froze, only for a moment, as he took off his shoes. Kageyama had mentioned that he was living with a roommate that he had shared a dorm with back in University, so perhaps he shouldn’t be so shocked that the boy had heard of him before, yet still Akito must have been someone with a forward personality to so easily assert that he knew who Hinata was. Perhaps it was meant to be some hint of how Kageyama viewed their relationship, or maybe just a mere slip up, but it shook up Hinata. Not only would he have to talk so openly with Kageyama, but he now had to live up to some expectations that this stranger had of him.

“Oh, uh, thanks. It’s nice to meet you too,” Hinata replied, “Kageyama always said you were an entertaining person.” He hoped that he remembered correctly. Shouyo had never been very keen on hearing all about Kageyama’s new best friend.

“Did he really?” Akito asked with a laugh, “I would have assumed that he’d be more likely to use words like ‘annoying’.”

“Ah, well maybe that too,” Hinata said, not sure how to respond to Akito’s humor. He barely knew him, and already disliked him for becoming so close with his rejected best friend. Really, he just wanted to talk with Kageyama and get it over with.

“Right, well, Kageyama is at work for another hour, and I was actually about to head out in like, ten minutes for a date, but you can stay and wait for him. I can show you to his room and you can watch TV or read in there or whatever? Or you could leave and come back but I know there’s not really much to do around here other than eat, and Kageyama might want to eat with you when he comes back, so… Yeah.”

“Oh. All right… Uh… where’s his room then?”

Akito led him back to a bedroom with a large window, cacti growing in the sill. The walls were painted pale grey, the sort of color that people used on home improvement shows, and were rather bare compared to what they were like back when they were kids. Kageyama used to be the kind of guy with posters of volleyball teams, medals, and certificates hanging everywhere, with an elaborate calendar that detailed his training regimen for the day. Now there was a single bulletin board with his work schedule, a picture of his University team, and a picture of Karasuno pinned to it. The bed was made with white grid comforter and pale blue sheets decorated with cartoon depictions of milk. Hinata liked those and wondered how Kageyama had found something so perfect for him.

“So here’s the remote, and he’s got some DVDs over there, so just make yourself at home, yeah?” Akito said, “Should I text him that you’re here, or is it some sort of surprise visit?”

“Uh, I’ll just text him,” Hinata replied.

He didn’t though. As he tried to type out some warning, he felt his nerves filling his fingers until he gave up, throwing his phone onto the other side of the bed. 

The TV was on to some reality singing show that he pretended to be interested in as he sat cross legged, clutching one of Kageyama’s pillows to his chest. It felt strange to be there, just barely wrong in the most unnerving of ways. He was so used to being in Kageyama’s bed, even used to waiting for him there on occasions, but he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that this couldn’t really be Kageyama’s bed. It was too large, too neat, not yet christened by their barbeque sauce stains and cuddles.

He couldn’t focus on the TV, no matter what program he put on. While his mind had wanted to stray far from thoughts of Kageyama before, now he felt the need to try to ground himself before he tried to talk to him. There was no way he could go into this without a hint of knowing what to say. Eventually he found a piece of paper and began outlining his grand speech.


	10. Chapter 10

Kageyama had not had a good day at work. To be fair, he wasn’t actually sure he had ever had a good day at work. It wasn’t as if he wanted to make a career out of being a caller or anything like that. However, today had been particularly horrible. Not only did some man yell at him for calling the wrong number, his boss had also decided that it would be a good idea to bring in some professional call advisor to tell them everything they were doing wrong. After failing miserably at some game meant to teach you how to build rapport, he found himself being called into the little office to talk about how he could improve his calls, leaving him drained and self-conscious.

He didn’t notice Hinata’s shoes when he walked in, nor did he hear the TV playing quietly for his room. After calling for Akito and realizing he wasn’t there, he made his way to the kitchen, digging around for leftovers that he could reheat. He emptied some two-day old take out on a plate before popping it in the microwave.

When he made his way to his room, plate full of food in hand, he was certainly not expecting to find Hinata perched in his bed. It was all he could do to not drop his food onto the hard wood.

“Hinata,” he said, shock in his voice.

“Ah, Kageyama, it’s good to see you,” Hinata replied, “Your roommate let me in. He said I could stay here and wait for you… I hope that was ok.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine,” Kageyama said, “Scoot over.”

Hinata shuffled towards the head of the bed, making room for Kageyama to sit at the end, with his knees pulled up as a table for his plate. He shoveled leftovers into his mouth, not looking at Hinata. His heart was fluttering, unsure what to expect from his former friend. Hinata seemed so fickle these days, so one moment Kageyama’s thoughts were soaring into the clouds with hopes that Hinata was there to confess, and the next it was down in the depths, figuring he was just there to argue again.

“I… Um… Do you have more of that?” Hinata asked, pointing to the plate, “I haven’t eaten…”

“Oh, yeah, in the kitchen there’s some sitting out on the counter. Help yourself.”

Hinata scurried out of the room, coming back a couple minutes later with a plate full. 

“This tastes delicious,” Hinata said quietly.

“Ah, yeah, it’s from this great take out place down the street. I get food from there at least once a week, and eat the leftovers later too so really I’m eating their food basically every other day. It’s good though, so I don’t care.”

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Hinata said, “I eat ramen from the shop I work at basically 24/7 and that’s not even as good as this.”

“Do you get an employee discount at least?”

“Yeah. I get one free meal when I’m working, and half off the rest of the time. Plus if there’s stuff that will go bad the next day I usually take it home at night for me and Natsu.”

“That’s nice,” Kageyama said, sitting his quickly emptied plate aside, “Hinata. Why are you here?”

“I… I have to… to finish my food first!” Hinata answered, filling his mouth with more food than Kageyama thought could fit. Hinata was always a mysterious specimen when it came to eating, though Kageyama figured that his immense energy made up for his lack of fat.

“Now are you ready?” Kageyama asked when Hinata had finally cleared his plate.

“No…” Hinata responded, “I… I didn’t get a chance to rehearse enough. But, uh, I can try! Just… just don’t interrupt me, all right Kageyama?

“I’m not sure if that’s really possible… We’re both quite opinionated…”

“I just… I don’t want it to turn into a fight so quickly.”

“Ok,” Kageyama replied, shifting into a more comfortable position, “I’ll listen to whatever you have to say to me.”

Hinata took a deep breath, his eyes scanning his notes as he began.

“All right, first I would like to apologize. I’ve been pushing you away for a really long time, and I didn’t know if I wanted to try and pull things back together. Back then I didn’t care about your needs in our friendship. I felt like my life was broken into a million pieces and I didn’t know what to do, so I took advantage of you in all the wrong ways. I could have used our friendship as a way to make me feel more whole, but I only felt empty from mistreating you. So no matter where this goes, I should apologize for letting my own feelings lead me to hurting you.”

_You don’t have to apologize. Thank you, but I don’t like it. It makes me feel like there’s going to be bad news if you start with something like an apology. I just needed you to be there. Any misuse or whatever doesn’t matter much to me. You don’t need to apologize Shouyo. I was there for you then and I’m here for you now._

“Secondly,” Hinata continued, glancing down at his notes, “Thank you for telling me that you loved me. It… it did make me feel really guilty, but that’s all right. I can’t really tell you if I returned the feelings, at least in the same way. Without a doubt, I loved you Kageyama Tobio. I’m not sure if it was romantic or anything, since I tried not to think about you in that way, but it could have been, if I had wanted it to be. I wish we could have said this too each other back then. We would have been the volleyball power couple and it would have been really cute.”

_It would have been cute. And it would have been cute to get to take you on dates and kiss you at the movies. I wish I could have told you back then that I loved you, but I didn’t realize until you were already shoving me out the door, and I did anything I could to stay with you. I was afraid Hinata, and I’m still afraid, and I still want to be allowed to love you. Please stay by my side Shouyo._

“And Kageyama, I want to just pick up where we left off, like what we tried to do that weekend in Karasuno, but I know we can’t do that. We hardly know each other anymore. I can’t say if I love you, if I care about you, and you can’t say anything like that about me. I care about who I think you are, who I remember you being, but I… I don’t want to pretend that we’re unchanged people. I’m not the same person I was, and I’m sure you’re not the same either. We can’t keep putting up this façade anymore.”

_Here it is, the bad news. The “what’s the point?” and the “I’m leaving you again Kageyama.” He knew when he walked in that this whole situation was too good to be true. Tobio had wanted to believe that it was like when they were young, and his best friend was just at home waiting for him. He could climb into bed, lace his fingers into orange hair, and take a nap or whisper about his day. In reality, he had never felt more distant from Hinata. Kageyama didn’t want to try to talk as adults about this. He didn’t want to do the right thing. He wanted to wrap Hinata in his arms and not let him go. Why did Shouyo have to be flying away from him all the time?_

“However, I don’t… I don’t want to keep pushing you out Kageyama. I enjoyed being friends with you, and I had forgotten that. You were my best friend, and my partner, and I was stupid to ever think that you weren’t what I wanted. So, Kageyama Tobio, I would be honored if you would help me build this relationship back up to whatever it wants to be. I thought maybe we could start by going to play volleyball in the park, if you’re not too tired that is.”

“Of course,” Kageyama replied, pulling Hinata into a hug, “Of course, of course, of course. You’re so stupid making a big speech like that Hinata. I want to always be by your side, no matter where that puts me.”

“Ahhh, but Kageyama! The whole point is that we have to better at communicating and having clear intentions and everything,” Hinata replied, not pulling away from his friend.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Kageyama answered, “I had always hoped that you’d come back to me again.”

“Ugh, you’re so cheesy,” Hinata said, flinging himself on the bed, “Hurry up and change so we can play!”

***

It was nice to play volleyball with Hinata like that. They weren’t so much playing as they were laughing, probably too loudly for their position in a public park. Hinata talked about the regulars at the ramen shop and how eccentric they were. Kageyama told terrible stories about people he had had to call at work. He asked about Natsu and tried not to freak out when Hinata showed him pictures of how grown she was. 

Hinata asked a lot of questions, as if he had a list. “Is Akito your best friend?” _Kind of._ “Had you told anyone that you had a crush on me?” _My mom._ “Did you ever say anything to your dad?” _No, but I think he’s realized. We don’t talk much anymore._ “Why didn’t you go to the Olympics?”

“Oh, um, well that’s… it’s not a very happy story Hinata. You don’t want to hear it. And I don’t really like thinking about it, so… So I think it’s better if I don’t tell you,” Kageyama answered, staring at the volleyball in his hands and spinning it around, “It was stupid anyway.”

“Kageyama… You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I don’t want you to have to bottle things like this up inside of you, all right? I want you to know that you can tell me anything. That’s the only way we’ll really be friends again, yeah?”

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

“How would this hurt me Kageyama? I mean, I know I may have said that I was upset that you didn’t try harder or whatever, but that was just out of anger. It’s nothing like… I don’t really think that Kageyama. I know that we can’t always succeed how we want to.”

“Hinata, I got in a car accident…”

“What?”

“I… It was really stupid. I was a little bit drunk, and I really missed you, and wanted to see you. I must have been really annoying about it too, because Akito said that we had to go visit you. He decided he’d drive me to see you, since he was sober, but I got really nervous about seeing you again, and so I started shouting at him to turn the car around. He… he said I’d regret it and he’d be there with me when I saw you again, but I kept hitting his shoulder and we kept shouting so we got in a crash. It… it was really scary Hinata. Then after I had a lot of injuries and had to do a lot of physical therapy and so I wasn’t able to play again… I… I was really sad Hinata. I think I really realized how hard it must have been for you to not play volleyball.”

Hinata’s hair was already burrowing into Kageyama’s sweatshirt as he wrapped his arms around his setter. Kageyama was happy to return the hug. It was what he had always really needed after the accident, but had never been brave enough to ask for.

“I’m really really sorry Tobio. I’m sorry that you wanted to see me and I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry that you couldn’t play volleyball. I’m sorry that I didn’t visit you in the hospital, or that I wasn’t able to tell you that it was ok if you didn’t make it to the Olympics. I wish I could have been there to sit with you and tell you that it would be ok if you felt sad for not being able to play, but that you shouldn’t take it too hard, since it wasn’t your fault, or Akito’s fault, or anyone’s fault I guess… I wish I could have told you that things were going to be all right.”

“Thank you… It was really hard after that. I didn’t know what I would do for a really long time. I’m still not sure if I really know what I want to do with my life. I certainly don’t want to be a caller forever, but… my mom and Akito were there to help me feel better, so I didn’t feel completely alone.”

“Ahh, I’m sure Akito did a good job of not abandoning you.”

“Are you jealous?” Kageyama asked, smirking in his usual terrifying way.

“Of Akito? Your new best friend with cool hair and rich parents? No way!”

“You’re totally jealous!” Kageyama laughed, “But don’t worry, Akito is a total doofus. You, on the other hand, are my beloved dumbass.”

“Kageyama! You can’t say things like ‘beloved’, we talked about this!”

“No,” he corrected, “You talked about it and I nodded along. You’re my beloved dumb \ass whether you think you are or not.”

Kageyama had never felt better than he did right then, ruffling Hinata’s hair at he shouted back at him, protesting his pet name. Hinata was right, it wasn’t like before. He shouldn’t pretend that it was just the same. It was still nice to know, however, that no matter how much the winds pulled them apart, these crows would always find a way back to each other.


	11. Chapter 11

“Are you staying the night?” Kageyama asked as they walked back into his apartment. Hinata started to reply, but he was interrupted as Akito made his way into the room from the kitchen.

“Hey you two! I made crepes, and they’re probably really good! I was thinking we could eat them and all watch a movie together. I’m assuming you’re staying, right? I mean, the infamous Hinata Shouyo can’t just swoop in for a moment, right? If you’re here, you must be here to stay,” Akito said, his arms waving about as he talked. He reminded Hinata of some sort of cartoon character, or a cutesy member of a J-Pop band. 

“Well that sort of depends on what Hinata wants to do. I’m not sure he was planning on this being some big event or anything. I mean, I hope you’ll get more time to meet him more later on but…”

“No it’s fine Kageyama,” Hinata answered quickly, “A movie and crepes sound fun. And it’s not too late or anything, so we can still hang out just us after, unless you need to go to bed or something.”

“No, no, I’m totally free, I don’t work until eleven tomorrow so—“

“Great!” Akito said, “You can come get your crepes then!”

***

Akito was, Hinata quickly learned, the type of person to talk through an entire movie. Hinata wanted to say that this annoyed him, but he couldn’t, since he also enjoyed giving his commentary on the action. Both of them were quite prone to shushing Kageyama, who only asked unnecessary questions. _So are they brother and sister? Is that one evil? Wait what did they just say?_ Unlike his friends, Kageyama didn’t possess the ability to listen even with other people in the room talking. 

Kageyama sat in the middle of the couch, the others chatting over him and over the movie. Akito sat with his feet pulled around him, his hands waving about dramatically and nearly hitting Kageyama quite a bit. Hinata was on his other side, pressing into his shoulder and continuously bringing Kageyama’s hand back up to his hair.

“So Hinata,” Akito began as an action sequence flashed onto the screen, “You _must_ tell me what Kageyama was like in high school.”

“He was a nightmare,” Hinata replied, “I absolutely hated him. I literally have never hated anyone as much as I first hated Kageyama.”

“Hey! You weren’t such a joy yourself,” Kageyama replied, “You were so loud and obnoxious and you barely even knew how to play except for your spike. You can’t really blame me for not liking you at first.”

“Ok, but like, I’m a likable person, whereas you are totally cold and scary and mean. I had a reason to not like you as a person, but your only reasons for not liking me was that I couldn’t receive well, which is whatever, and that I was loud, which, if you haven’t noticed, is really dumb because you are also super loud.”

“But I know all of that about Kageyama,” Akito said with a smile, “You should tell me some of his secrets from back then. Embarrassing stories and that kind of thing.”

“Hmm, well one time he was the moon for a school play and he had no lines but he took it super seriously and it was hilarious.”

“What’s so funny about putting in my best effort? It’s not my fault that some people are lazy,” Kageyama answered, crossing his hands over his chest.

“Ok, well there was this other time that this girl confessed to him and he just ran away. He never talked to her again or anything. He just took off, hands spread in that Naruto way, and ran to volleyball practice. And this was in third year! He’s so dumb sometimes.”

“That sounds just like him,” Akito said, grinning, “One time I sent him off on this date with this gorgeous basketball player, and he comes back with a self-help book. He’s a relationship nightmare.”

“You should have seen him at our maid café. We did it as a fundraiser for the team in our second year, I don’t know how Ennoshita convinced the principal to let us do it, but we went all out. We had the whole gym decorated crazy and it was great. Except, just like a week before the damn swim team had decided that they were going to do the traditional maid café, so we couldn’t do that anymore. Anyway, Tanaka, he was in the year above us, decided that we should do a bara café instead. It was absolutely genius. Anyway, the girls had never liked Kageyama at all before that, but they saw him in just his volleyball shorts and suddenly it was like he was a new man to them. It was terrible though, because they kept wanting to take pictures hanging on his arms and everything, but he has the shittiest smile in the world, right? So all of them turned out really badly until we finally just started cropping his face out of the pictures. It was the pectorals that they cared about anyway.”

“Oh I lovvve taking selfies with Kageyama,” Akito replied, “It’s like there’s no way for me to look bad, since I know that I’ll always look better than him at least. It’s such security.”

“You guys are so mean. I should have never let you meet each other,” Kageyama said, burrowing into the couch cushions.

“Too late now,” Akito said, grinning, “And it’s like you said. Hinata will be over a lot now so that means we’ll have plenty of time to gossip about you.”

“Well… Well I know embarrassing stories about both of you too! Um. One time Hinata puked on Tanaka. And Akito, he has Dramatical Murder posters hanging up in his room.”

“Ok, they’re fan made posters, so that’s like art basically,” Akito said, grinning through his embarrassment, “Also why not it’s really great? Definitely not as embarrassing as my love of Hatoful Boyfriend.”

“Yeah but I already told Hinata about that once…”

“Oh is that the one where you’re in love with birds?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah! It’s great! I should have you play it sometime.”

“Definitely!” Hinata answered, shamelessly, “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“My life is ruined,” groaned Kageyama.

“You know we were just teasing you, right?” Hinata asked later as he fluffed Kageyama’s pillows, trying to figure out which one was the best so that he could hold it captive.

“Yeah, yeah, doesn’t make it not embarrassing though,” Kageyama said, pulling on a t-shirt.”

“Awww, you don’t need to be embarrassed around us,” Hinata said, finally climbing into the bed and resting his head on Kageyama’s fluffiest pillow, “We’re you’re best friends. We already know how stupid you are.”

Kageyama sighed, climbing under the covers with him. “So best friend is allowed, but not beloved dumbass?”

“Yeah, because it doesn’t have the word love in it Bakayama. You’re really stupid.”

“I just think best friend sounds a lot more intimate since it’s more of a committed relationship word.”

“Ahh! You can’t say ‘intimate’ either. That’s off limits in any context. It sounds weird.”

“You’re a child,” Kageyama replied. 

“Am not. We’re grown-ups now.”

“Grown-ups don’t say things like ‘grown-ups’. They say adult or something like that.”

“Grown-ups totally say ‘grown-ups’!”

“Only when they’re talking to children,” Kageyama answered, starting to drape his arm around Hinata.

“Nooo, turn around,” Hinata demanded.

“What? Why?” Kageyama asked, his face scrunching up in the way that Hinata liked.

“I want to be the big spoon.”

“No, I’m totally a better big spoon. Don’t be a dumbass,” Kageyama answered, scooting closer to Hinata, trying to assert his big spoon-ness over him.

“You are not! I’m way better at it. You never know what to do with your hands,” Hinata replied, hitting Kageyama’s hands away. He tried to shove Kageyama hard enough to roll him over, but it was too difficult from this position.

“If you let me be big spoon this time you can do it next time,” Kageyama answered in an effort to compromise.

“If you’re big spoon there won’t be a next time,” Hinata countered.

“That’s not fair!”

“Mmhm. Now roll over.”

Kageyama conceded with an overly dramatic sigh, spinning on to his other shoulder to face the wall. Hinata shuffled down the bed, tucking himself into Kageyama’s side. He buried his head in between Kageyama’s shoulder blades, one arm underneath his pillow and the other circling Kageyama, taking a fistful of Kaeyama’s shirt right at the hem. _I’ve got you,_ he wanted to say, _I won’t let you go this time. Please let me hang onto you just a bit longer._

It wasn’t that Hinata ever slept better when he shared a bed with Kageyama. Quite the contrary, he often had to kick off all his blankets since it was so hot, or he’d just wake up several times throughout the night since Kageyama breathed so heavily. He’d feel trapped, unable to move into a new position even if his arm was asleep. It was kind of terrible how uncomfortable the whole thing was. Yet, Hinata would always pick sharing a bed with Kageyama over sleeping alone. After high school there had been so many days when he couldn’t convince himself to get out of bed, and Natsu had to keep bothering him until he’d finally get up, only to live the day like some sort of zombie. Even though he was better now, sometimes it’d be difficult for him to fall asleep, fearing that when he woke up he would revert back to that muted version of himself. With Kageyama there, however, he knew that he’d be able to wake up, and even if he wasn’t, that Kageyama would be able to pull him out of bed and get him moving. After all, Kageyama made him invincible.

“You’re so sweaty,” Kageyama said, pulling away from him the next morning, “It’s disgusting.”

“No, it was you!” Hinata said, sprinting off to the bathroom, “You got me all sweaty now I have to shower!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Kageyama said, picking Hinata up around his waist and lifting him into the air. He spun around so that he could sit Hinata down behind him. “I’m showering first. You take all the hot water.”

“So do you Bakayama!” Hinata said, easily able to slip beside Kageyama and into the bathroom, shutting the door quickly behind him, “I’ll be quick! You can make breakfast for us.”

“Open this door right now!”

“I’ll open it once I’m done! Don’t be pervy Kageyama.”

“I’m giving you 15 minutes, and if you’re not out then I’m breaking down the door.”

“I’m telling Akito what a pervert you are later,” Hinata answered, grinning as he turned on the shower.

“I hate you,” came Kageyama’s response, followed by footsteps. Hinata really hoped he was going to make breakfast.

“It’s been 18 minutes, hurry up Hinata,” came Kageyama’s voice on the other side of the door. Hinata had already stepped out of the shower, toweling himself off, but had reached a rather frustrating conclusion.

“Kageyama you have to bring me some clothes, I forgot.”

“Are you literally trying to be the biggest pest you can be?” Kageyama asked with a huff, but he returned anyway, old t-shirt and sweatpants in hand.

“Thanks Kageyama!” Hinata answered after opening the door just wide enough to receive the clothes before shutting it back in Kageyama’s face. 

“Yeah, yeah, just hurry up. Your food is getting cold.”

Hinata always had a love hate relationship with Kageyama’s clothes. On the one hand, they were always so big, serving as a constant reminder of just how small Hinata was. However, they were just so comfy. He had to pull the drawstring on the sweatpants tight, and roll the bottoms so that he wouldn’t step on them. The shirt hung loosely, with rainbow colored font spelling out “Straight Against Hate” across the front. 

“The fuck is this shirt?” Hinata asked as he made his way into the kitchen. Kageyama sat at a little table, eating some ego waffles folded into a taco shape with peanut butter on it. He snorted.

“It’s even funnier on you,” Kageyama replied.

“Why do you have this?” Hinata asked, pulling at the shirt accusingly. 

“Well one time Akito dragged me with to a pride parade with his friends and one of them was snooty and trying to show off their not-poor-ness by buying everyone shirts and they didn’t have one that said ‘just kind of confused about everything and not really happy about it shirt,’ and they weren’t exactly the type of people that I’d come out to, so I got that one.”

“I cannot imagine you at a pride parade.”

“Oh it was terrible. Akito kept shoving condoms into my pockets and gross old men kept trying to talk with us. It was probably the worst experience of my life. Not to mention I was covered in rainbow glitter for the next month.”

“Did Akito get a shirt?”

“Yeah, but he just picked his based on which one was the softest, so he ended up with a ‘Don’t hate me because I’m a lesbian’ shirt. He still wears it sometimes, even though it makes him look like a total tool.”

“I can imagine,” Hinata said with a chuckle, sitting down and digging into his waffles.

“…I’m demi by the way, in case you were still wondering.”

“Does it help you any? Putting a word to it?”

“No,” Kageyama answered with a shrug, “It kind of sucks actually. I don’t know, maybe this doesn’t have anything to do with demi-ness, but… You know I wish I was like Akito, since he can just move on from one person to another. I can barely get a new goldfish after one of them dies, you know? I just… I know we’re not what we were and that our feelings really are different now, or I’m realizing that more than I know it, but the thing is I haven’t been able to feel anything like what I felt for you. And I’m not saying that it matters that you’re the one I felt it for, I mean, I liked that it was you, but really I just want to be able to feel that again. I want to have a relationship that I can pour into, and I want to have someone I can depend on, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to find that again.”

“I… I know what you mean Kageyama. You were my partner. It really was a partnership. I liked that I mattered to you and that you mattered to me. It’s just that I didn’t have anything that I could give you anymore, and you didn’t have anything that could have fulfilled me. There was nothing left for us to give each other.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Kageyama answered after rubbing a milk mustache off with his sleeve, “The end wasn’t inevitable. It wasn’t even the end.”

“You’re right,” Hinata agreed, “And I don’t want to have an end. Not anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a happy chapter??????


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end! I hope you enjoyed, especially number 18 in all your greatness! 
> 
> follow me on tumblr if you'd like! look for sad-olive-girl

It had taken too long. That’s the only thing that Hinata could think about as he taped up another box, labeling it “Tupperware and shit” before moving it aside. It had been twelve years since his mom had pulled him out of bed as the sun was rising, ushering him to the door where Kageyama was waiting to say goodbye to him.

 

“I, um, well I’m off,” Kageyama had said, hands stuffed in his pockets and eyes evading Hinata’s sleepy face.

“Right,” came Hinata’s reply, quick and drowsy.

“Hinata, I… I’m really going to miss you.” Hinata had the feeling that this was not what Kageyama had been planning on saying.

“You know I’ll miss you too,” Hinata said, wondering if this was goodbye or we’ll meet again.

Suddenly Kageyama’s arms were around him. Hinata was grasping at the front of Kageyama’s t-shirt, breathing in the scent of freshly applied deodorant (Old Spice: Amber) and trying to memorize the feeling of his nose against Kageyama’s collarbone. Kageyama took in the smell of Hinata’s hair (dryer sheets that he would keep in his bag in case of emergency static), try not to think about the words that were threatening to choke him. He thought that that was enough for him, to just hold Hinata for as long as he could, but they both realized, as Kageyama’s mom called for him to get back in the car, that one last hug was not enough. They needed the words that had to be given in order to continue their intimacy without proximity.

 

Now, however, they had both. They weren’t kids anymore. Hinata had to wear shoes with inserts and Kageyama was starting to get a bit pudgy around the middle. Hinata wondered if it would have been different had he and Kageyama worked things out all those years ago. Would he still be moving into an apartment with Kageyama? Would they have recklessly gotten married the night it was legalized? Would Kageyama have gone to the Olympics? Would he have been able to go watch? 

“You’re thinking too much,” Kageyama said, coming into the room to grab boxes to move to the car they borrowed from Akito.

“I am not!” Hinata answered, stuffing blankets into a box, having to jump on top of them in order to squash them down small enough to fit, “I just wish I could go back and change things. Or… Or not change things. I just wish I could have skipped the part where we weren’t together.”

“But then how would you have realized how much you needed me?” Kageyama asked, climbing into the box with him.

“I don’t need you Bakayama,” Hinata replied, “It’s just that you make things easier for me. And harder. You’re the only one that I want to share my burdens with, and you’re the only one that’s able to challenge me.”

“That’s cheesy,” Kageyama said, kissing the top of Hinata’s head.

“Whaa! It is not! I’m just saying that we have a healthy relationship full of mutual independence but that we… that we make each other better!”

“And we make each other invincible.”

“Right, because that’s not cheesy,” Hinata answered, giving one last hop on the blankets before stepping out of the box. Kageyama followed suit, quickly closing up the box and holding it shut while Hinata taped it closed. _Blankets (For Cuddles!)_ he scrawled messily.

“Is there anything else you need?” Kageyama asked, stacking that box on the last.

“Um, just my book bag I think,” Hinata replied, glancing around for it.

“It’s in your bedroom,” Kageyama answered, “I’ll meet you outside, all right?” 

Hinata watched as Kageyama left, boxes in hand. He just felt so thankful that he wasn’t leaving alone this time. _I get to go with him._

He grabbed his bag quickly, happy to leave this apartment. Natsu’s friend from college would soon be taking his place, but that didn’t matter. As much as he loved Natsu, he knew she would be happy to have space away from him, and he would be happy finally getting to be with Kageyama all the time. There would be no more knocking on doors at 2am, praying that the other one was awake, no more awkwardly asking if they could maybe get extra keys for each other, and trying to plan when Natsu or Akito wouldn’t be home so that they could watch a movie on one of their living room TVs rather than the tiny ones in their bedrooms. They’d be able to cuddle freely and kiss whenever they wanted and however much they wanted. Kageyama wouldn’t have to feel guilty when he didn’t want to do something, since there would be all the time in the world and Hinata was happy to wait for him. Not that he wouldn’t have slowed down for Kageyama’s sake before, it was just that Kageyama had always felt the pressure of their small windows of true alone time. 

“All right, let’s go,” Hinata said, jumping into the passenger seat.

“Yeah,” Kageyama answered, “Let’s go home.”

Unpacking was a nightmare. The combined salaries of a ramen shop manager and caller weren’t exactly enough to afford anything of great circumstance, leaving them with a one room, one bathroom apartment, dingy white walls, no couch, just a kotatsu that Hinata loved. 

“Gwahhh! I’ve always wanted to cuddle under a kotatsu like this!” He declared, snuggling up next to Kageyama underneath it, not caring that it was the middle of the summer. 

“You’re going to be so sweaty; this is disgusting,” Kageyama answered, resting his chin on top of Hinata’s head. Hinata sat with his back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around his stomach and legs spread so that Hinata could sit between them.

“Oh come on Tobio, you can’t tell me you’ve never wanted to snuggle under a kotatsu like this.”

“Maybe in the winter, but this is just ridiculous. I’m going to get heat stroke.”

“Well that way you probably wouldn’t be so annoying,” Hinata said, feeling Kageyama’s hands loosen and the pressure removed from his back, “You can’t leave Kageyama! I’m not done reveling yet!”

“Relax,” Kageyama answered, “I’m just grabbing us popsicles so you won’t pass out.”

“Ah, Tobio you’re so smart,” Hinata answered with a grin. Kageyama returned, pressing a blue popsicle into Hinata’s hand, repositioning himself behind his partner before starting to eat his own.

“So what should we unpack first?” Kageyama asked, trying to maneuver himself in a way to where his snack didn’t drip into Hinata’s hair. 

“I don’t want to worry about this right now. I want to keep just sitting here like this and not thinking about it,” Hinata answered.

“I think we should start with the bathroom,” Kageyama answered, ignoring Hinata’s response, “Since we’ll use that first. Then the bedroom, at least the sheets and stuff, you know? Then probably kitchenware and—“

“Tobio, stop planning,” Hinata ordered, turning his head to press a sticky kiss against the corner of Kageyama’s lips. 

“Ok but I work tomorrow, so we have to get a lot of this done today so that you don’t have to do it all yourself. I don’t want you to have to sort through anything alone.”

“Liar,” Hinata reply, “You just think I’ll put stuff in the wrong place and such. It’s not that you don’t want me to have to do it alone, you just want to have control over it.”

“Well that too,” Kageyama replied with a grin.

“Just give me fifteen more minutes, all right?” Hinata asked, “Then we can worry about it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

Fifteen minutes turned to twenty, turned to thirty, turned to a nap under the kotatsu and showering off post-snuggles sweat. 

“I can’t believe I let you distract me,” said Kageyama from the kitchen where he put away their mismatched dishes.

“But we got the bathroom done so it’s fine,” Hinata shouted from the bedroom where he tried to put the fitted sheets on. The top left corner was evil, popping off every time Hinata thought he had got it in place properly.

“Yeah but it’s almost dinner time, and then you’ll distract me again when we go to eat, and then we won’t get back to work until nineish, and then I’ll only have a few hours before I have to go back to sleep.”

“Well… you’re not wrong,” Hinata said, crossing his fingers as he once again put the sheet on. 

“We’ll have to eat quickly, all right?” Kageyama asserted, stepping into the room to check over Hinata’s work, “Why haven’t you done anything.

“This sheet is possessed,” Hinata said, glaring at the bed as if to intimidate it out of misbehaving.

“It looks fine to me,” Kageyama answered, “I’m almost done putting the dishes away. I could pick up groceries after work tomorrow, unless you think you’re going to need something before then.”

“Oh I can do it! I’ll probably wake up when you wake up tomorrow anyway, so I might as well do something productive.”

“Mmmkay, I’ll make you a list then.”

“A list?”

“Yeah, of what we need. So that you don’t forget anything.”

“You think I’ll forget something.”

“Well not you specifically. People just always forget things at the grocery. I always make a list.”

“Oh… well I really don’t need one Tobio. I can handle it. I haven’t made a grocery list… ever, and it’s always turned out just fine for me.”

“That’s because you live off ramen leftovers,” Kageyama answered, “I’ll make a list so that we can have real ingredients and cook real dinner and be healthier.”

“We can’t afford to have real dinners Bakayama,” Hinata answered, starting to toss pillows onto the mattress. 

“We can if we budget and make lists,” Kageyama replied.

“…Fine, you can make me a list,” Hinata said, giving in to the whims of his boyfriend, “But only because I think you’re kind of cute and I kind of want you to kiss me.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he pulled Hinata in for a proper kiss. “Thank you,” he mumbled against Shouyo’s lips, leaving one hand around Hinata’s waist, and tangling the other in Hinata’s hair. The compromise was Hinata’s way of saying _I love you_ ; the thank you was Kageyama’s affirmation of _yes, I love you too._ The kiss was their _so much,_ their _always,_ their _and I’ll keep getting better at loving you too._

“We should go get dinner,” Kageyama said, not letting Hinata take his attention for too long.

“No, I want to kiss more,” Hinata complained, though his rumbling stomach gave him away.

“We can kiss more later tonight,” Kageyama promised, taking the keys and Hinata’s hand before heading out the door.

***

“What’re you working on?” Kageyama asked, climbing into the bed where Hinata was sitting, focused on his laptop screen. He had his tongue tucked between his teeth, eyebrows scrunches as his fingers taped frantically at keys and mouse.

“Just a flyer,” Hinata replied, pressing his back against Kageyama as soon as he was there, not even noticing the action.

“ _Little Crows Volleyball Club_ ,” Kageyama read, “ _For all kids who want to have fun, be active, and learn to fly._ That’s catchy.”

“Yes, well I was a business major for a year and a half,” Hinata answered, snickering at his own joke.

“Aw, of course, how could I forget? Clearly you are the king of advertising. You’re so knowledgeable in your field.”

“Of course,” Hinata answered.

“…You’re sure about this though? I mean… I’m really happy that you’re finding a way to play volleyball again and everything, but… I don’t want you to get disappointed, you know? It’s not like volleyball is such a popular sport. If it doesn’t work out at first…”

“Have some faith in me Tobio,” Hinata answered, “It’s ok if it starts out small, or if it takes some time, but… You know, I don’t want anyone to ever not get the chance to do what they love, just because it wasn’t accessible to them, you know? I don’t want any kid that loves volleyball to only get to step on the court one time. I’m not doing it for me, so much as I’m doing it for kids that, like me, aren’t going to have all the opportunities to play. Even if I can just help one kid get to play sometimes, I think that’d be enough.”

“Of course,” Kageyama answered, burrowing his nose into the crook of Hinata’s neck, “And I support you. I know you can help them a lot and I know they’ll love you. I was just worried…”

“I’m not worried,” Hinata replied, “Because even if things don’t work out I’ve still got you to help me and play volleyball with. It’s not like I’m putting all my hope in this, you know? I just think that I’ve got to try.”

“Of course,” Kageyama replied, peppering kisses across Hinata’s skin, effectively distracting him from his project.

“Mmm, let me save this at least before you do that.”

***

There was a little park, just a couple blocks away from their apartment, that had a volleyball net. Kageyama and Hinata spent a lot of their time there, volleying the ball back and forth. Now however, Hinata found himself pacing across the sand, waiting for someone, anyone, to show up.

“They still have ten minutes Hinata,” Kageyama said, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder, “And even then, most people are late to everything. Also people can sometimes get lost trying to find the park, so really it will be a surprise if the people that come aren’t late. So don’t be anxious, all right? They’ll come.”

“Ok,” Hinata started, “But what if they come and they’re a bunch of really cool kids and they realize I’m a doofus and a failure? Or what if they get here and I forget everything I’ve ever learned about volleyball? What if I miss a receive and lose all my credibility as a volleyball expert? Please bury me in the sand Tobio.”

“I’m not burying you in the sand,” Kageyama answered calmly, “Listen to me Shouyo, the kids will love you because you’ll make them happy. You encourage everyone with just your smile. Even if you miss a receive it’ll just help them to relax because they’ll realize that even the best players can’t be perfect. These kids are going to be able to look up to you and learn so much from you.”

“Not if none of them show up. Oh my gosh I should go home right now immediately and hide under the table. You can do this better than me anyway, right? So I’ll just come next week after you scope out which kids are rotten.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kageyama replied, “I’m absolutely terrible kids.”

“Yooohooo!” Kageyama froze. “Tobio-chan! Chibi-chan!” Hinata’s eyes went wide.

“Oikawa,” he said, staring at the Grand King. Oikawa’s hair was just as perfectly flipped as ever, his smile just as dazzling, but he looked older, and more tired. It was strange to see him wearing clothes that weren’t for volleyball (khakis and a lavender button-up, undone far enough to display his lack of chest hair), and even stranger to see a girl that looked to be about seven grasping his hand.

“It’s so nice to see you! When I saw your flyer I got so excited! I couldn’t believe that you lived so close and I never knew. You’ll have to let me and Iwa-chan have you over for dinner sometime.”

“Oh, right! Yeah, that sounds nice,” Hinata said. Kageyama wanted to disagree, but free food was not something that he would turn down at this point in his life. “And who’s this?” Hinata asked, smiling at the girl. It looked effortless and kind in a way that Kageyama envied.

“This is my daughter—“

“You can call me Iwaizumi, Chibi-chan!” she all but shouted, “I’m here to beat people at volleyball!”

“Ha, please call me Hinata,” he answered, not at all surprised at the way Oikawa’s daughter acted, “I’m sure you’re very talented. What position do you like to play?”

“I’m an ace,” she grinned.

“She’s incredible,” Oikawa said, beaming, “Just like Hajime. It’s just a shame because she doesn’t get to play with kids her own age very often.”

“Well I hope she’ll be able to here.”

“Right, well I’ve got to be off to do some errands. I’ll be back at three to pick her up, yeah?”

“Sounds great, we’ll see you then Oikawa,” Hinata replied.

“This is the strangest day of my life,” Kageyama mumbled, unable to imagine a world where Oikawa was deemed suitable for raising children.

“Um, excuse me, is this… Oh hey, you’re Hinata, right?” came a woman’s voice, “I thought it might be you, but I couldn’t tell just from the flyer. I’m Yui, I think we went to school together?”

“Oh yeah!” Hinata said, “You’re Daichi’s friend! It’s great to see you!”

“It’s great to see you too!” she answered, “This is my son, Kyo. He’s been begging to come since he saw the flyer. ‘Is volleyball today mommy?’ he keeps asking.”

“Is that so?” Hinata said, grinning, “Well Kyo, I’m Hinata, it’s nice to meet you and I can’t wait to play volleyball with you!”

Kyo kept his head down, and cried just a bit when his mom left, but easily perked up once the volleyball was placed in his hands. His eyes lit up, taking up most of his face as he batted it back and forth with Iwaizumi, who seemed determined to make him run around to get the ball. He was pretty good at getting there though, and Hinata figured that he’d make a good libero one day.

That first week four kids showed up. The second, Iwaizumi brought a friend, making it five, and by the end of the summer they had enough kids coming regularly to make up two full teams. 

“You’re incredible,” Kageyama said on their way back to the apartment one night, “I swear they’re already better than your middle school team and none of them are older than 10.”

“I think Iwaizumi alone is better than my middle school team,” Hinata admitted, bumping his shoulder against Kageyama’s.

“Iwaizumi is better than my middle school team,” Kageyama amended, putting his arm around Hinata and letting him snuggle closer to him.

“That’s true,” Hinata answered, tiptoeing to kiss Kageyama’s jaw, “You know… it’s taken a long time, but I think I’ve got it now.”

“Got what?”

“Everything I want. I mean, I have you, and I have volleyball, and ramen and a kotatsu. I can’t imagine there being anything else for me.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Kageyama said, patting at the small velvet box that he had been carrying in his pocket for two weeks now, waiting for the right moment, “I think I can think of something.”


End file.
